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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To move out for second year of uni rather than commute from home?

57 replies

Thebigelf · 01/03/2018 20:03

I'm currently in my first year of uni in London, and beginning to consider accommodation options for next year. I'm living in halls very close to my uni at the moment (walking distance) and before starting uni said I would consider all my options for later years. My mum however has been very adamant about me staying at home after first year. She thinks I'll be making a huge financial mistake living away next year. The commute from the family home would be around 50 minutes to the main campus, not taking into account placement and sports matches, which are usually about 1 hour + away.

I hear where she's coming from about saving money but AIBU to want to move away from home. We have a good relationship but there's definitely a difference with independence when you don't live with your parents and the convenience of living in close to uni is great for me.

Would really appreciate your opinions

OP posts:

AlexanderHamilton · 03/03/2018 09:52

We will be paying for dd to livevout in her 3rd year even though her dad works at the same place & will be travelling every day so she can have the student experience.

Slight difference that she will only be 16 when she goes & they have to stay in landlady digs until age 18 so she will wait until then.

afrikat · 03/03/2018 09:55

You couldn't have paid me to live at home during uni and I get on brilliantly with my parents. For me living away from home, making new friends and not having to answer to anyone about where I was and what I was doing was a massive part of my uni experience

AveAtqueVale · 03/03/2018 09:56

I’m also studying medicine in London OP (starting final year in May) and would definitely definitely live with friends if I could. I actually have two children and a DH who works in Surrey so that’s where we live, and I have an hour and a half’s commute, and it’s miserable. I think especially for medicine living with other medics is an amazing help for revision and practicing skills. I have to work really hard to get eg OSCE practice with people who actually know what I’m supposed to be doing, as opposed to DH reading off a checklist. Whereas people I know who live with friends do a bit here and there and always have other people to check stuff with and bounce ideas off. So for me it’s not so much the length of your commute or even the social side - it’s the very real academic boost you’d get. That might sell it to your mum too . Btw what uni? I’m at KCL.

LimonViola · 03/03/2018 09:56

Christ, move out!

Don't give in to your mum's guilt trips.

Yes it'll add to your debt but you will only pay back an affordable amount once you're earning over a certain amount and if you're doing medicine you will be earning well from the month you graduate.

Honestly, the experience of moving out and developing your independence away from being your mother's daughter will be well worth the expense. You'll love it.

I don't understand anyone who lives with parents during uni unless financially necessary, what a waste of opportunity. Do it!

Pikehau · 03/03/2018 09:59

Why don’t you move out 2nd year, that way you can take a job etc and if u r on a 3 year course (apologies have not read the full thread) you could move home for final most “important” year (academically)

Lots of people i knew went back to on campus halls in 4th year having spent 2 years in town in a flat after 1st year halls.

London is expensive - I live here. As a mum I would worry about the £ burden in you. But as someone who was more Than ready to leave home I get why you want to stay independent.

You are lucky in that if it doesn’t work out you can still move home and be 50mins away - it’s a reasonable commute for a job in London. Maybe not uni but still ok.

I say do it - tick that box and know you have options

HRTpatch · 03/03/2018 10:01

Definitely move out.

JoJoSM2 · 03/03/2018 10:02

I appreciate that's there's the whole uni experience of living with friends in a poo-hole and going out for piss ups etc lots of great memories and living that stage of life to the fullest but...

I chose to stay at home. I focused on studying and I worked. I still went out with uni friends once a week or joined into group hols with them - I got some of the uni life but it was definitely a bit of a trade off. What I gained was savings so I was able to get my first property at 24 and by the time my friends were getting their 1st flats at around 30, I already had a whole portfolio. I also started paying into my pension early (while still at uni as sad as that sounds).

Now 37, I've only been working part-time for a while and DH is going to join me soon - we'll effectively be semi-retired by 40 living a pretty privileged lifestyle (got a very fancy house, have been travelling the world and able to afford cleaners, gardener etc).

So it's worth weighing up the pros and cons and prioritising what is important to you n life really.

Berthatydfil · 03/03/2018 10:04

I have a friend whose med student dc lived at home - much closer commute than you though.
It caused huge problems for them when they were late to key assessment sessions and had a trip home after working late in the library when everyone else had a ten minute walk home. He got into a student house the following year.

Don’t do it.
Medical school is hard enough without making it more difficult.

Fortybingowings · 03/03/2018 10:10

I’d save whatever money you can in order to give yourself the most choices later. Working as a doctor is utter shite at the moment (sorry) and the less debt you have in the future, the more options you have to either emigrate, work part time or work as a locum. Sorry to be a depressing bore but speaking from experience and that of many friends (and med students I teach) - the less debt you accrue, the better your options for the future and it reduces the chance of feeling horribly financially trapped

Hayleyb33 · 03/03/2018 10:13

Martin Lewis money man did a show recently about student loans, might be worth looking for on itv player to show your mum. It was really interesting.

forceslover · 03/03/2018 10:18

Move in with friends, have fun, become independent and enjoy it. I loved Uni and would do it all again in a heartbeat.

Trills · 03/03/2018 10:23

You'll want to leave home eventually.

Doing it while you're a student is a good time, because everyone else is in the same situation of being newly out of their parents home, not having much money, etc.

BarbarianMum · 03/03/2018 10:30

Seriously, if you can afford it, move out now. It is really hard to achieve a proper adult-adult relationship with your parents whilst you live under their roof.

GeorgeTheHippo · 03/03/2018 10:33

I wouldn't want my kids to live at home for uni, moving out is such a massive part of the experience. It's a shame, because our local uni is brilliant for the subjects they want to do.

It isn't a loan anyway, it's a graduate tax.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 03/03/2018 10:36

I had to move out from home at 18 as there are few opportunities for study where I come from. It was definitely time. My parents and I would not have the good relationship we do today if I had continued to live at home. I think your mother is reluctant to let go, but let go she must. You’re an adult now and if she’s not funding you, it’s not up to her.

Move out, but visit frequently.

PNGirl · 03/03/2018 10:39

Plenty (not all) of the generation before mine (am 33) have particular views on renting and debt that aren't compatible with the current uni set-up. It may be paying someone else's mortgage but almost all students rent. Halls rooms are rented! The debt doesn't affect your ability to borrow in the future and it's just something that comes out of your salary like national insurance does. I would move out.

jay55 · 03/03/2018 10:47

Deffo don’t live at home. Like others have said you’ll need to be able to study with friends and not watching the clock for the last train home.
You need to be somewhere with good transport for placements. Thank your mum for the option but give her the practical reasons for living out.

waterrat · 03/03/2018 10:53

Oh god op move out!!! My years at halls and then shared houses with my friends at uni were literally the best years of my life!

Dozer · 03/03/2018 11:05

It depends on YOUR (not your mum's) attitude to money and financial risk, against your desire to live independently now, presumably with other medical students. The financially cautious thing to do is minimise debt, and as a PP says this gives you more choices later. Other posters have highlighted the social/personal advantages of spending money!

IMO was hard for medics living with non medics because they had to study loads and housemates went out much, much more!

Dragongirl10 · 03/03/2018 11:05

Op you have a lifetime to live independently, you will undoubtedly have the fun of with living with friends and the whole 'experience'

l understand your impatience but, you are incurring unecesary debt, even though you have a student loan it is a form of debt.

Even though it will only start to be repaid once you earn over 25k or so, one would expect you to earn that and more in the future.

For example if you stayed at home and worked during the summer you may be able to leave Uni with less debt, this will have a big impact on your ability to buy your first home, pay rent in the future.

If you were my daughter l would advise you the same as your mum, because with the wisdom of age we can see how difficult it is to get on the housing ladder later......less debt now is very important.

Dragongirl10 · 03/03/2018 11:08

Op please read carefully what JoJo SM2 said

blackeyes72 · 03/03/2018 11:14

It sounds like you are coping fine and it is working well for you.

It's very strange to expect someone to move back home after they have moved out...unless there is a really compelling reasons.

All my friends who have DCs at fairly local unis have done it the other way round - first year or two at home commuting, following year/years enjoying more independence ready for "adulthood".

I don't know anyone who's done it the other way round. It doesn't make much sense to me.

SuburbanRhonda · 03/03/2018 11:18

Op please read carefully what JoJo SM2 said

What JoJo said would only work for someone who has started to plan for their post-retirement lifestyle while they’re still a teenager.

I can’t imagine many people do - or should - think like that at such a young age.

Hellywelly10 · 03/03/2018 11:25

If your paying your own way its your choice. But your mum has a point, your commute from home to uni isn't far and you will save thousands of pounds living at home. I think yabu if you expect financial support to fund your lifestyle when your mum is happy to continue to provide you with a home. If your paying your own way then do what you like.

InvisibleUnicorn · 03/03/2018 11:31

You won't want to retire at 37 if you are passionate about medicine as you will just really be getting started by then in whatever you end up specialising in! And tbh, if you are doing what you love pottering around won't appeal anyway.

My teen wants to do medicine and if she gets into the medical school an hour away from us, the option would be for her to live at home. But that's the key thing, it's an option.

Lovely, you have the option whenever you want as presumably your mum is not going to shut the door on you if you live away again and then decide the go home in a later year?

Absolutely fine for you to decide based on exactly how you are feeling now, and utterly understandable that you want to be walking distance from where you need to be. Your course is brutal and tough and not really comparable to doing an arts degree in the 90s or something.

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