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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bloody neighbour

34 replies

AmiU · 01/03/2018 18:44

Hi all,

I've posted about this once before but I am at the end of my tether with my upstairs neighbour.

We live in a (tiny) flat in a busy, family friendly part of London. We are above a busy commercial premises and right next door to a busy railway line. We're on the first floor, NDN on the second floor.

We have 2 kids and I try very hard to be respectful of the fact that other people live in the building, ie teaching them to be quiet in the stairwells and halls, making sure buggy is stored out of the way, no balls or running in the flat, no music on for them during the day etc.

NDN came down a few months ago and said that when DS2 walks or runs in the house, it sends vibrations up the walls to his flat and he can't live with it. He mentioned he's studying for exams and it disrupts him, particularly in the early morning. He was quite agressive - he's over 6ft and body builds and at first he said he would only speak to my husband, as he needed to speak to 'a man'. then he showed me his bandaged hand and said the noise from DS2 made him so uncontrollably angry he had punched a wall hard enough to break his hand. I apologised for the inconvenience and said we should try and work out a system which worked for everyone. I offered to make sure there was no noise before 9 am (I take DS on the school run with me) and offered he could text me whenever he was revising and I'd take them out or put on a DVD.

Since then, whenever he thinks the DC are 'running' (even when we're sometimes all sitting at the table eating or doing crafts etc) he'll jump up and down on the ceiling above us. He will then blast extremely loud metal (?) music, almost every evening and weekend.

I do feel bad, I appreciate some people really need peace and quiet and I know DS2 does sometimes run or jump in excitement (but never ever for prolonged times) but I feel constantly on edge.

Don't know what to do that won't cause a confrontation with this man.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 01/03/2018 18:53

I would report this lunatic to your landlord. He is being totally unreasonable and his behaviour is threatening and aggressive.

Beetlebum1981 · 01/03/2018 18:54

Make a note of the incidents, record the noise if you can and report him to the council.

PeapodBurgundy · 01/03/2018 18:55

Sorry you're having issues. From what you've said, you've been more than reasonable. He can't expect to live in a flat and have silence. It's right to be aware of your neighbours and exercise basic courtesy (such as quiet in the hallways, limiting running around etc as you are). Anything outside of that is just part and parcel of apartment living in my opinion,

Going forward, I'd log everything with times and dates, perhaps record the metal music etc if you have the means to. It will help spot any patterns in the complaints, and should you choose to raise any form of dispute with the local authority, or any resident's association in the future, you'll have the basis for your case prepared.

Eddie1940 · 01/03/2018 18:57

Do you own the flat ? I d be concerned that he seems threatening . I m not that noise tolerant but he s going too far

Original poster
AmiU · 01/03/2018 18:59

We both own, unfortunately and we've been trying to sell ours for almost a year now.

It's just so bloody stressful and I end up parking the kids in front of the TV when he starts jumping just to get them to be still, which I hate!

I'll start a log of the jumping.

OP posts:
ItsAllABitStrangeReally · 01/03/2018 19:01

Contact the police, he sounds unhinged.

LilacClouds · 01/03/2018 19:08

You own both? Do you mean this guy is a tenant?

Rudgie47 · 01/03/2018 19:08

I'd just tell him I was reporting him to the council regarding the noise and that you are recording everything.If he threatens you or tries to be intimidating just call the Police. The guys just a bully and he needs stopping.

AnotherOriginalUsername · 01/03/2018 19:12

My first thought is that he could be on steroids - aggression, short temper Hmm

Littlecaf · 01/03/2018 19:19

We had this with a neighbour. I scuttled around for months trying to be quiet- tv on low, no radio, closing doors quietly. One late night he rang the doorbell at 11pm complaining we were too noisy - we was in bed and sleeping or reading! Either the noise was coming from somewhere else or he was making it up.

It sounds as if he’s over sensitive and making it up.

Riverside2 · 01/03/2018 19:24

didn't you post about this guy before?

I remember the damaged hand. What happened inbetween?

ReanimatedSGB · 01/03/2018 19:25

I'd have lost all respect for this cock the minute he demanded to 'speak to a man' and would have shut the door in his face.
He is unreasonable, and as PP said, probably a steroid head. Basically, ignore the fucker. Go about your daily business and pretend he isn't there.

BewareOfDragons · 01/03/2018 19:27

He sounds like a bullying lunatic and I would contact your landlord and the police over his threatening behaviour.

froggybiby · 01/03/2018 19:29

I would report him to the local authority too. I am rather worried that you have him your mobile number though seeing as he was already threatening when he came the first time.

RaspberryCheese · 01/03/2018 19:34

He sounds like he might have mental health issues. Living in a flat, there always has to be a certain level of tolerance and live and let live. This sounds tricky thought.

Original poster
AmiU · 01/03/2018 19:43

Lilac, sorry I meant we each own our flats

OP posts:
Original poster
AmiU · 01/03/2018 19:45

another you might be right. I'm forever signing for his protein deliveries and waking up to the noise of him weight lifting, but obviously I haven't said anything as he has the right to live his life as he wants in his own home.

OP posts:
Original poster
AmiU · 01/03/2018 19:46

riverside I did post about him! Since then the jumping has increased and the loud music has started, every evening and weekend and it's slowly driving me crazy.

My DH is completely against saying anything to him though.

OP posts:
Original poster
AmiU · 01/03/2018 19:47

froggy believe it or not, he has my number because as a SAHM I often sign for his packages and then his GF collects for him

OP posts:
kalinkafoxtrot45 · 01/03/2018 19:51

I’d not be signing for his packages any more for a start. He has forteited the right to be treated in a neighbourly way by you.

FlouncyDoves · 01/03/2018 19:56

Cut out doing him any favours. Or say, if you don’t stop being a twat and jumping up and down, I will stop taking deliveries.

Or, take them in but only let him have them once he’s behaved for a while.

Original poster
AmiU · 01/03/2018 19:57

I am going to stop taking packages. I wanted to keep things civil and mature but I'm just so angry now. It's so unnecessary.

OP posts:
52FestiveRoad · 01/03/2018 19:58

I’d not be signing for his packages any more for a start. He has forteited the right to be treated in a neighbourly way by you.

This^^. I would not be doing him any favours, he sounds horrible. Let him sort out his own parcels.

Riverside2 · 01/03/2018 20:04

so OP I guess your DH is against saying anything because whoever does it might get punched?

It's so hard isn't it...I would cut off all contact but also wondering if you ought to speak to CAB. He could be off his head on his steroids. Well, he's off his head full stop.

when you say he's weight lifting, do you mean he drops his weights on the floor really loudly? That would drive me round the bend.

are you freehold or leasehold? If you are freehold, is it worth getting the freeholder involved - or are you doing that thing where you won't formalise a dispute in order to sell?

You do need to be careful of that because any verbal discussions should be reported and you could get sued if a new person finds it out it was hidden from them. Sorry if that's stating the obvious.

Eltonjohnssyrup · 01/03/2018 20:46

If you reported to the police wouldn’t you be obliged to disclose to any future buyers?

Would it be feasible to let out your flat short term to someone without children while you rented elsewhere yourself? He sounds scary.

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