Bloody neighbour

[AmiU]

Hi all,

I've posted about this once before but I am at the end of my tether with my upstairs neighbour.

We live in a (tiny) flat in a busy, family friendly part of London. We are above a busy commercial premises and right next door to a busy railway line. We're on the first floor, NDN on the second floor.

We have 2 kids and I try very hard to be respectful of the fact that other people live in the building, ie teaching them to be quiet in the stairwells and halls, making sure buggy is stored out of the way, no balls or running in the flat, no music on for them during the day etc.

NDN came down a few months ago and said that when DS2 walks or runs in the house, it sends vibrations up the walls to his flat and he can't live with it. He mentioned he's studying for exams and it disrupts him, particularly in the early morning. He was quite agressive - he's over 6ft and body builds and at first he said he would only speak to my husband, as he needed to speak to 'a man'. then he showed me his bandaged hand and said the noise from DS2 made him so uncontrollably angry he had punched a wall hard enough to break his hand. I apologised for the inconvenience and said we should try and work out a system which worked for everyone. I offered to make sure there was no noise before 9 am (I take DS on the school run with me) and offered he could text me whenever he was revising and I'd take them out or put on a DVD.

Since then, whenever he thinks the DC are 'running' (even when we're sometimes all sitting at the table eating or doing crafts etc) he'll jump up and down on the ceiling above us. He will then blast extremely loud metal (?) music, almost every evening and weekend.

I do feel bad, I appreciate some people really need peace and quiet and I know DS2 does sometimes run or jump in excitement (but never ever for prolonged times) but I feel constantly on edge.

Don't know what to do that won't cause a confrontation with this man.

Could it be some sort of vibration from the railway rather than your kids?

Not even an offer on the flat as yet, so we're probably here for the foreseeable future.

It's very hard not to take it personally, honestly. A few years ago we lived in another country for 3 years and let the flat out. The tenants were found and background checked by a reputable agent but NDN kept sending emails alleging they were 'doing cocaine and hookers'. We asked the agents and other neighbours, nothing untoward, but we eventually exercised their break clause due to NDNs complaints.

He brought it up when he complained about the noise, saying first the druggie tenants and now this!

He's blamed your child for punching a wall?! No just no

I think you have got this all wrong. He is a bully and you need to stand up to him. No more scurrying around apologising for living a normal life.

Write to him saying that you will no longer tolerate the metal music. You have taken exception to the sexist abuse and to the implied threat of violence. You are no longer prepared to live like this. You hope that from now on you can both live in peace. However, any more incidents and you will be reporting them to the police and to the environmental office at the council.

Finish by saying you are happy to keep signing for the parcels and that you are sure you can be good neighbours to each other going forward.

Just a thought..
as he bodybuilds, could the jumping up and down be him doing star jumps or skipping (with a skipping rope, not as in mincing!), and actually be nothing to do with what your children are doing?

obviously I haven't said anything as he has the right to live his life as he wants in his own home.
Doesn't this also apply to you? You should be able to live as you wish in your own home too. It sounds as though you have been more than accommodating.

wingedharpy that's actually what we assumed, so we took no notice of the jumping until he came down and said, 'you must have noticed I jump in retaliation'

The noise doesn't actually bother me, it's the intention behind it

Thank you all! I was bloody fuming when I started this thread and now I'm just bemused at a grown man behaving this way.

If he confronts me again, I'm not going to apologise, I'll tell him exactly what noidea said and he can sort himself out

I wonder if he is taking steroids if he is really into strength training? Pretty sure they can cause aggression.