AIBU to think taking time off Work to care for sick children is as much a dads responsibility as it is a mums?

[FeckBuggerAndArse]

That, basically. Why is it perfectly accepted that I can phone work and say “I can’t come in today, my child is sick” but my ex seems to think he can’t.

Is this either:

Patriarchal bullshit that doesn’t make it acceptable for him to take time off for this.

Or, he’s lying and he has fun plans for his day off (yes, he’s claiming he’s been been called in his day off) and can’t be arsed with looking after his sick child.

Of course he can - he just doesn't want to.

It is just as much his responsibility, absolutely. Is it always you that covers sickness?

I always take the time off work if DC are sick but I have flexible hours and a very understand manager... my DH not so much. If I have a meeting that I can’t cancel DH will do it using AL.

YANBU!

YANBU

Of course he can. You aren’t your ex’s unpaid childcare.

Of course.

My DH and I take turns or have a quick discussion while looking at diaries about who will find it easier to work from home that day.

ABSOLUTEY!!
Tell him next time it's his turn!

It’s a joint responsibility. Very few people have a job which they can’t take last minute time off. My DH is a GP and has had to cancel surgery to look after DS when he broke his leg and I was on a business trip to the States.

Taking time off shouldn’t automatically be the mother’s role although from reading MN it seems to to the norm.

When I went into work when my DD was sick someone asked me if my parents were looking her. No, her father was. Why do people not automatically think her father cannot look after their sick children?

As an employer of mainly women, I agree. Why don't these women think their partner's employer should take some of the hit too?

When ours were small it was more often DH who stayed home as he could more easily "work" from home.

We share equally but it's preferable I take the hit because I get paid dependents leave and DH doesn't

I suspect though your ex is just being a weasel!

It is indeed equal responsibility.

But SO many times the man's job is too important / too international / too well paid / too (insert own reason here) to be interrupted or re-arranged.

It is one brick in the barrier towards equal pay and equal career progression.

As a (supportive) employer of women, it makes me irritated. Why should my organisation bear all the financial and administrative brunt rather than the child's father?

It is both responsibility. But if one of us lost due to taking too much time off, I’d prefer it to be the lower paid one (which is me). We could live off his wage, but not mine.

it depends on your respective employers some employers would respond to a male or female employee wanting time of unwell.

Absolutely it should be equal

I know there are circumstances where it makes sense for one parent to do more of it (if one gets paid dependents leave, if one can work from home in the evening to make up time, if one is lower paid then it’s less of a hit for them to lose a days pay, if one has the kind of job that is truly impossible to cancel at short notice)

But the expectation should be equal, then people make the choice that suits their circumstances best.

Yes, of course he should. Generally I take time off for emergency sickness (ie DS has thrown up at school/ has a huge head bump) as I have worked closer to his schools. However, DH often has stuff on that can be more easily done at home, do he takes time off for the 2nd day or beyond.

We don't have children yet but have already discussed that DH will do most of this. He can work from home and catch up in the evening whereas I'm a GP so cancelling 35 patients doesn't go down too well usually! I think the patients would think it odd if I offered to see them at my home instead

Whatever anyone might think chances are his employer wouldn't agree. They're the ones whose opinion really counts here.

sadly I suspect it is probably a bit of both. I suspect many employers would be at men saying they have to stay home to care for a sick child, but at the same time I think he just considers it to be my job. Ugh. Makes me really cross.

if it falls on a day you are their carer i think its down to you?

Grrr all of you saying that it's preferable that you take time off because you lose less money are part of the reason women are paid less, that employers resist employing women and that paid dependents leave isn't more widely available. You're enabling all the people who think the man's job is more important.

To be fair it depends who the lo is staying with that particular day. If lo is sick when at their dads then it’s on him defo. If they’re with you then you maybe?

"I suspect many employers would be hmm at men saying they have to stay home to care for a sick child, but at the same time I think he just considers it to be my job"

This is part and parcel of the same bloody sexist thing.

I am at WOMEN always being the ones to take time off - women sending the 'sick child' message when I know damn well the child's father is in the picture. Employers always will lookaskance at men taking time off if men never do.

But guess what? The sky won't fall in if men just TRY. My DH shared with me. No jobs were lost, and my career has kept pace with his - I earn a bit more, actually.

The downward spiral of women's reducing financial and professional capacity is well expressed by a PP.

Yanbu.

My dh and I try to take it in turns where feasible.

Men should feel just as able as women to phone work due to child sickness. Neither should be made to feel bad!

I’m currently working away in London, live in South Yorkshire. DH had yesterday off with the kids as school is closed, his boss actually asked why I couldn’t come back from London to look after them! Ridiculous that this attitude still exists.

It depends on the job. I don’t think it should be anything to do with the sex of the parent. I am in a clinical role and don’t get paid family leave if am off more than once a year. Dh can work from home. So generally it’s him that stays off it it falls on one of my work days.