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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wearing a ring on THAT finger

31 replies

Bluebellsagain · 01/03/2018 15:44

If you see an old picture of (male) someone wearing a ring on their ring finger do you assume they were previously promised/engaged? Know for a fact never married but have never known them to wear a ring. The ring finger seems an odd choice?

OP posts:

missiondecision · 01/03/2018 15:46

Are you wondering if the man was “promised” to a fair maiden in his past ?
Is he your current love interest ??

dingdongdigeridoo · 01/03/2018 15:46

I’d assume they were married at that point. Men don’t tend to wear rings as an accessory, and it’d be an odd choice to wear one on that finger for any other reason. My DH wore an engagement ring, but they’re not at all common.

Original poster

Bluebellsagain · 01/03/2018 15:48

Yes current, serious partner. I would be very surprised if he had been this committed when the photo was taken and it’s more that I feel I may have been a bit misled (for no apparent reason, but he had given me the impression he and his then gf were all but broken up then.) It being “that” kind of ring would seem that he hasn’t been truthful and I don’t know why. But I don’t know men’s ring habits...

OP posts:

Agustarella · 01/03/2018 15:48

He was wearing an engagement ring? Is that a thing for blokes? Are you sure he was never married and would it matter if he had been? Maybe he was so hot back in the day he had to pretend to be married to get all the adoring women to leave him alone. :)

Sarsparella · 01/03/2018 15:48

I never take any notice of rings on fingers, it’s just jewellery - probably cos neither me or DH wear wedding rings, doesn’t make us any less married

Ladygaggia · 01/03/2018 15:50

Are you sure the photo isn't flipped? In the old days selfies used to be mirror images, whereas now I think the technology auto flips them?

PlanNumber · 01/03/2018 15:53

I'd say if he was wearing a ring on his ring finger (left hand) he was almost certainly married (or engaged at a push) at the time. Unless he's not from the UK. In a lot of Eastern European countries and some central and southern American ones it's worn on the right hand.

missiondecision · 01/03/2018 15:53

Does he wear jewellery generally?
Men can wear an engagement ring if they choose, no rules afaik.

missiondecision · 01/03/2018 15:54

That’s a good point PLAN
A friend of mine from south A wears her wedding ring on her right hand.

beepbeepsnow · 01/03/2018 15:55

MIL and her partner aren't married, and have no intention of it. They don't want to get engaged either.

But they both wear a ring on that finger to symbolise their commitment and love for eachother.

OakIsBetterTho · 01/03/2018 15:56

Honestly, if he's from the uk, I would think he had been less than honest about his past commitments. I've never met a man who has worn an engagement ring, but I know an awful lot who wear wedding rings 🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster

Bluebellsagain · 01/03/2018 15:58

I am literally 110% sure he has not been previously married as I am close with his family and it’s just not a possibility. However it seems more likely that he was engaged or as good as, at the point when photo was taken, as it was also taken at someone else’s wedding (!) hardly a forum for a non ring wearing man to decide to casually wear a ring on the ring finger
Not sure how I feel about this....

OP posts:

PlanNumber · 01/03/2018 15:58

I do know men who've worn engagement rings, among Towie types (before that was a thing) around here there was a bit of a fashion for a diamond solitaire for men about 20 years ago. like this

I've never met a man who risked looking married/engaged if he wasn't though.

NaiceBiscuits · 01/03/2018 15:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

missiondecision · 01/03/2018 16:01

I’ve known men to wear engagement/committment rings.
Ask him??

Original poster

Bluebellsagain · 01/03/2018 16:44

He is from the uk. I’ve never known him wear jewellery ever

OP posts:

falsepriest · 01/03/2018 16:54

There's one person whom you can ask that has the answer, and 5,000 on the internet that don't. Might want to narrow your target audience.

Slippery · 01/03/2018 16:56

Are you sure the photo hadn't been transposed, ie mirror image? This can often happen and I think there was someone famous who got a hard time for not wearing her wedding ring, when in fact she was, but it looked like it was on the other hand.

KurriKurri · 01/03/2018 16:59

Maybe he wore a ring while in a previous relationship just to say 'I'm not available' (does he generally have to fight off hoeardes of women ? ) Maybe his ex wanted him to wear it so people would think they were married.
There could be various innocent explanations. And being previously married/engaged is an innocent explanation - so bit odd if he has lied about it.
Just ask him.

KurriKurri · 01/03/2018 16:59

that odd word should be hoardes

Niceandwarmandhot · 01/03/2018 17:03

Hmm. The only chap I've ever known to do that was a teacher at my old school who told us it was meant to be his wedding ring, but they'd split up. He wore it because he still hadn't remarried; he liked it; and she was still his best friend.

Years later one of my friends realised he was gay - and promptly banged into said teacher in several gay bars and a gay swimming club*. Guess that's why the engagement got called off!

Not that this helps you at all, OP, other than to say he could have any number of personal reasons for it - but it is usually some sort of commitment. You might just have to ask him??

I was secretly rather gutted as I'd always really fancied him

NickyNackyNoodleNoo · 01/03/2018 17:05

Why don't you ask him? I'd have to, the suspense of not knowing would drive me mad.

mollied · 01/03/2018 17:07

I think its weird I know loads of guys that wear rings and none of them would even consider wearing one on that finger, neither would any of my female friends that wear rings.

steff13 · 01/03/2018 17:07

He's the only one who can tell you for sure. Well, I guess maybe a family member or friend who knew him back then could.

The picture could be transposed, as a PP said. It's typical for a wedding ring to be on the left ring finger, so most people would assume that he was married if he was wearing a ring on that finger.

I have a single coworker who wears a ring on that finger, because she doesn't want our clientele to know that she's single. You said the picture was taken at a wedding; is it possible he was wearing it just at the wedding for that reason, to give the impression he was unavailable.

whyIsARavenLikeAWritingDesk · 01/03/2018 17:07

I have the same thoughts about my OH! We are currently engaged but not to be married just committed. However I was shown lots of photos a few months ago of him with a ring on that finger, it was a solitaire ring, not sure if that's relevant or not. He has never ever been married and has never worn jewellery in the 6 years we've been together. His answer when I queried it was that it was a ring he was bought that just fit on that finger?? I've put it to the back of my mind

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