to think it's way too early for this?

[WhatWouldStevieNicksDo]

NC just in case, and will try to keep it brief without leading to drip feed.

DP and I together 18 months, living together for 6. I'm 31, no kids, and he (39) has DS10 from previous relationship, split 7 years ago.

And the short version is, he doesn't seem to want any meaningful physical contact with me. He's very loving in so many other ways, but I'm always the one to initiate a hug, for example (although to be honest I've given up now). I can't remember the last time he kissed me (other than a forehead kiss on his way out the door) and if I ever try to kiss him on the lips, he'll give me his cheek.

We have sex about once every 2 weeks - usually initiated by him because there's no way I'm going to try and initiate sex with someone who won't even kiss me. When we go to bed he immediately has his back turned to me because he sleeps on his left side - no spooning, no snuggles... and in the mornings he'll greet me by sort of brushing his hand across my shoulder.

I thought maybe he just wasn't a physical person (thinking Love Languages, maybe physical contact was low) but then I watch him and DSS and he's like a f*$#ing barnacle with his son, constantly with one hand on him, rubbing his back, pulling his legs up onto his on the couch, stroking his hair...

It's been like this for a while now – what's weird is that when we first got together he seemed super-sexed - lots of naughty texting and pictures etc. But as soon as we were 'together' together, it all disappeared. We never talk about sex, so it feels particularly scary to bring all this up with him, but I'm honestly going a bit nuts.

I don't want to have to ask him to be affectionate with me – I want him to want to be.

I've never known so little physicality in a relationship, and I can't figure it out. Is it me? Am I just not attractive to him? And how in the world do I bring this stuff up with him without sounding whiny?

Or should I not - is this just never going to work?

Could have written your op after a previous relationship. Was shit. Negated all the good parts. Gave him the heave ho and am now seeing someone who worships my body () and is so affectionate and loving. It’s like a breath of fresh air. I didn’t realise how ‘strangled’ I was, and how much I need human touch and loving affection until I started getting it. Weirdly, I was the cold one in my marriage and hated cuddling and touch. I suppose when it’s right it’s just right and that sort of thing falls into place. If it’s bugging you now, think of how awful you’ll feel in 2, 5, 10, 20 years time

And it’s funny you should say that he’s affectionate to his DC but not you (well, not ‘funny’ but you know what I mean). My ex would fuss and cuddle and kiss the fuck out of his CAT when I brought up the affection thing, and said, in a bid to demonstrate how lonely and odd it was to be so devoid of affection, he was more loving in his actions towards his pet, he accused me of being jealous of the cat Well rid!

You mentioned that he was cheated on by his ex. Is it possible that this is still affecting him, making him afraid to be physically affectionate with you?

Jaygee61, it's possible.

It's also possible it's something around women in general (his mum left when he was 4, and although they have a good relationship now, it must have had an effect.)

It feels like there are so many different things it could be...