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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - Evening wedding invite

52 replies

user94 · 01/03/2018 02:54

I'm going to have to keep the details of this basic as could be outing.

I received an invitation for the evening reception of a family members wedding - I basically received it with a months notice of the actual date. Wedding has been planned for absolutely ages - no invite to wedding or evening, nothing and no mention of it. Was a bit upset as had it been my wedding I would have definitely invited them, but thought their wedding, their choice, whatever, places will be limited etc. Have never mentioned it to anyone (not even DP) as I wasn't majorly annoyed, just a bit Hmm - other 'outer' family members haven't been invited either, to the day or evening, IYSWIM so I wasn't particularly taking is personally.

Bit confused as I received the invite completely out of the blue over social media telling me that places were full during the day, but invited to the evening, and in fairness did apologise for lack of notice - but no explanation as to why only ask me a month before. The times it's on for isn't long but is late, and a bit in the middle of nowhere. I don't drive so this means public transport is a no go at that time of night for getting back, there won't be service (think hours of travel). So, I would have to stay overnight.

Train alone would be £80 in total for me and my DP. Once I get off the train, there is still quite a journey to go to get to the venue so either buses or taxi. Accommodation is looking somewhere around £150 for the night, maybe a bit less if we really shopped about. It's a lot of money to us, doable (just) but not something we'd usually spend that amount of money on, for showing face for a few hours essentially, and would leave us with not much money left to enjoy for ourselves. Had it been for the day too, we probably would have been more willing to try to see if we could do it, albeit the short notice. We will also need to book time off work for this, and sort out someone to look after pets so we can stay overnight. On the other hand, it's not every day family get married so I would have liked to have been there.

A part of me was happy I was asked to go. However another part of me wonders if this is because people have dropped out of the evening do or something and numbers are lower than expected? I can't see the reason for such late notice.

AIBU and negative thinking it's taking the mick and wondering if people have dropped out hence my sudden invite?

OP posts:
ZacharyQuack · 01/03/2018 02:58

Managing the guest list to a wedding can be difficult, don't overthink it or invent offence where there was none intended. People probably have dropped out, or there's another reason why they can now invite extra guests. It's not really a big deal is it?

If transport and accomodation makes it too difficult to attend, just thank them graciously for the invitation, decline attendance and wish them well.

Thisimmortalcurl · 01/03/2018 03:00

I don’t think a month is that late for s evening invite however if it’s costing a fortune and you can’t be assed I wouldn’t go.

WhippetyStourie · 01/03/2018 03:01

If it was me I would RSVP, ‘Sorry, due to short notice I won’t be able to make it. Hope you have a lovely day.’ It does sound as if you’re a last minute fill-in so don’t feel bad if you choose not to go.

falsepriest · 01/03/2018 03:02

Isn’t your big day, isn’t about you. Go or don’t go depending on your circumstances.

Original poster
user94 · 01/03/2018 03:07

I definitely can be assed to go, I would have loved to be there and I know managing a wedding can be stressful and challenging. I guess I just can't understand the severe late notice when it costs so much + trying to get the time off work, and wondered if others felt it unreasonable to give potential guests such little time to sort it out.

Perhaps as said I shouldn't think of it negatively and be grateful for the invite (which I am). I'm having a hard time convincing DP that we should spend this amount of money at the drop of a hat - and I can see why as we're saving for other things that have been in the pipeline a while. With more notice it would have been definitely do-able.

OP posts:
HuskyMcClusky · 01/03/2018 03:08

I wouldn’t bother, you’re an afterthought anyway.

Thisimmortalcurl · 01/03/2018 03:11

Oh okay you sound like you want to go , then I honestly don’t think it’s that unusual to have a months notice, I hope your OH does not moan .
I love a wedding

MrsPicklesonSmythe · 01/03/2018 03:14

I think it’s ibvious that you were on the B list of reserves and someone has dropped out. Go if you can, don’t if you can’t they won’t mind either way.

Original poster
user94 · 01/03/2018 03:26

That's a good point MrsPickleson. I guess really, as much as yes I would have liked to have gone, I don't actually want to fork up near on £300 in one month and skint myself in the process if it wasn't really that important to them that I was there.

So I suppose in answer to a previous question yes I guess it does matter to me why the late notice, after all.

It may not be my big day and not about me, but what is about me is how much I'll need to cough up in a short amount of time, if they're not all that fussed about my attendance other than to fill a spot anyway, iyswim.

OP posts:
HuskyMcClusky · 01/03/2018 03:28

I genuinely don’t understand why people tie themselves in knots feeling guilty about this.

You don’t owe it to anyone to spend £300 on their wedding just because it’s ‘their day’ (barf).

Least of all when you’ve been invited last-minute and to evening-only.

breakfastBus · 01/03/2018 03:31

"I wouldn’t bother, you’re an afterthought anyway."

This.

emmyrose2000 · 01/03/2018 03:31

Wouldn't even occur to me to attend. I'd RSVP 'no' and not think about it again.

Cavender · 01/03/2018 03:31

Yes, it does sound like you are tier B evening guests - that absolutely doesn’t mean they don’t want you to go though, it just means there were other people they needed to invite first.

It is a lot of money at short notice though, it’s fine to politely decline if it’s just to difficult.

ovenchips · 01/03/2018 04:06

Go if you want to and would enjoy it. Don't go if you want to take offence and it costs too much £££.

But definitely don't go AND carry on taking offence! Worst of all worlds.Smile

Snowysky20009 · 01/03/2018 04:07

Definitely a case of others have declined and they need to fill the space. I would decline

CherryMaDeary · 01/03/2018 04:32

I really wouldn't go. I definitely wouldn't spend £300.

Most people will have been there all day and you may feel like you're only at the second act. Also food may be limited.

theninjabreadma · 01/03/2018 04:42

A month's notice seems pretty normal to me, that's about what I've had any time I've been invited to an evening party for a wedding.

Having said that, there is no way I'd go and stay overnight etc so I would politely decline.

purplecorkheart · 01/03/2018 05:34

Given the cost and journey for you to attend I honestly would not go regardless of notice.

FrancisCrawford · 01/03/2018 05:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

greenmagpie · 01/03/2018 06:16

Would you have spent the money and gone if you'd had more notice? Sounds like your getting offended is affecting your choice (understandably - Although I dont think it's unreasonable to invite ppl with a month notice - as pp have said, managing a wedding is difficult and there may be lots of reasons why they can now invite you. But if it's making you not want to go, then dont go!

greenmagpie · 01/03/2018 06:18

(As an example, maybe the groom/ groom's family/ bride's parents had been dominating the guest list initially - heard of this happening all the time - so I wouldn't get the hump by assuming you're 'not as important' per se)

Onedaynamechange · 01/03/2018 06:23

It's not that difficult to understand. They obviously had limited numbers so you didn't make the original list, as it gets closer guests have either RSVP'd with a no or some have dropped out and you were top of the reserve list. To be honest in your position with it costing a lot to get there I would just RSVP saying thanks but sadly you can't make it, you don't have to give reasons. Do it sooner rather than later so they can invite the next people on the list!

MsSquiz · 01/03/2018 06:44

We only had 10 extra evening guests at our wedding and didn't send out their invited until 5 weeks before the wedding. They definitely weren't "B list guests" or an after thought, they were guests we wanted to invite but as we didn't need the numbers for evening guests as early as the day guests, we didn't send their invites until later

ItsuAddict · 01/03/2018 06:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hellywelly10 · 01/03/2018 06:51

You can just send them a card.

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