To not try breastfeeding again?

[Bippitybopityboo]

When DS was born I bf him for 7 weeks and I honestly tell people that for the first 7 weeks of his life I was so so unhappy. I used to sit and wonder why I was feeling so low when I had such a beautiful, healthy baby. I loved him so so much but in no way was I happy.
Then one day I cracked and gave him formula and he seemed so much more content and settled and I felt like I had been on edge since his birth and it was the first time I could breathe a sigh of relief. I know it sounds so strange but I felt tho he started to pick up from there. I gave DS a combination of formula and expressed milk till he was around 12 weeks then he was exclusively formula fed. I honestly feel I gave it my best and went for as long as I could but I do feel it was the bf that made me so low.

I'm now 27 weeks pregnant and while I would love to give my baby the best I can I can't bear the thought of feeling like that again, especially as I will have ds who will be 22 months when baby is born.
I feel torn as to what to do this time?
Aibu to not at least try again?

YANBU. It’s really hard in the early days! I found everything up to about 12 weeks very hard, then it became much easier.

You sound like you have all the facts, just make whatever decision is best for you and your new baby :)

I don’t think YABU. Baby will be happy with formula and you will be happy, win win. You have every right to be happy too.

Just do what you want, it might feel different this time of it might not.
Lift the pressure of yourself to just go with the flow.

If it would make you feel better, do a couple of days for the colostrum.

And you did do the worst bloody awful first few weeks last time without the piss-easy, no sterilizing, rush out of the house without thinking, cheap and easy next few months. No wonder you don't want to try again.

I HATED the first 6 weeks and LOVED the next 12 months.

My DD was 16 months old when my DS was born. I had stopped BF her around 13/14 months. It wasn’t an easy ride with her either; she was a constant feeder from the beginning, and I had PND, mastitis - the lot. So with my son, I felt I would simply see how it went. I breastfed him for three months until I had to give up because I needed to go onto strong medication that would go into the milk.

I would try and breastfeed, but if it doesn’t work out, that’s OK. Simply move to formula. You could even combine feed. As long as the baby is fed, you’re doing well.

I tortured myself over this before the birth of DD2. Trying to feed dd1 cast a shadow over her early days long past when I actually gave up and lived onto formula. I couldn’t sleep worrying about going their again with a second

By complete chance dd2 was born and latched on like one of those films you see. She made it easy so actually the decision was out of my hands.

It might not work that way but the time I spent worrying wasn’t worth anything as each child is different.

And genuinely honestly both methidsnof feeding are absolutely fine. Please don’t waste precious energy worrying about it

YANBU. I bf my first for a week and hated every second. I decided before I even got pregnant again that if I had a second I wouldn’t even attempt to bf and I never swithered from that. No regrets whatsoever here. Honestly there are huge numbers of people who just stick their babies on bottles without a second thought and both they and their babies are fine.

I found it much, much easier second time round. Party because my baby was much better at it, but partly because I had better support and a more realistic expectation of what it would be like. He's over 12 months now and we're still going. Personally, I'd keep an open mind; try to bf but don't beat yourself up if it doesn't work out.

I personally would give it a go. I found it so much easier the second time around, first time was a nightmare but second was just textbook, it was the easiest thing ever and turned out to be the best thing possible since dc2 had some severe medical problems and being breastfed was the one good thing in the whole mess.

But its up to you.

YANBU.

I know people usually come out and say that BF gets easier after 12 weeks, but when you're feeling the effects of that hormone crash, likely in some amount of pain and exhausted from being up every two to three hours then that 12 weeks might as well be 12 years.

I know myself well enough to know I wouldn't be able to hack it, so when BF didn't work for me I wasn't too heart broken. Instead, I gave DD formula and I have no regrets. It worked out so well for us that I don't think I'll try with any subsequent babies- if I do, it'll be out of guilt rather than because I think it'll be a better experience.

As others have said, BF does get easier over time. The first 7 weeks are really tough so you only got to experience the worst of it IYSWIM. IME once we got over those initial hurdles and my supply was built, it was so easy and convenient. Each baby is different too so this one might take to it better. Maybe at least feed for the first few days so baby gets the colostrum? Don't put any pressure on yourself though, just see how you feel and go with the flow. If you really don't want to give it another go, don't.

I would say that your mental health is extremely important and if worrying about bf will negatively affect it leading up to the birth then YNBU.
However, if you can feel assured that you can try bf and just switch to formula if it’s not working then I think it could be reasonable to give it a go.
I had so much trouble feeding my first ( physical and mental health trouble) and second baby was a breeze (as was third!)

YANBU. Breastfeeding ruined the first 12 weeks of my ds's life for me although it then got much better and I went on to feed for 2 years. I am currently in week 4 of feeding dd and it's making me feel awful. I'll keep going but I totally understand why you wouldn't put yourself through it again. I must be a masochist!

Totally up to you. I had a fairly difficult first 4 months, then it got easier. What made it easier was introducing a formula feed at 3 weeks or so for DH to do (= sleep for me). But if it’s affecting your MH or relationship with your baby, don’t punish yourself.

Honestly it's entirely up to you what you do with your body and that includes your breasts. If you are privileged enough to live in a country with safe clean water and ready access to formula (and I presume you would have mentioned it if you were in South Sudan or somewhere) and if your baby is not premature, then the benefits of breastmilk are pretty marginal, and in your case would appear to be greatly outweighed by your mental health and your happiness. They are your breasts, you don't owe it to anyone to use them in any particular way. Your body, your choice. Best wishes.

Like others said release the pressure. You can always try but be ready to give formula as soon as you feel it's not working for you.

I had a similar experience with DD1 and I now have a 5 week old and a 2 year old. Again I found breastfeeding really hard in the hospital and had decided that as soon as I got home I’d formula feed DD2. But then my milk came in and it suddenly got easier. Although I know that it’s good for the baby to have breast milk my main motivation to stick with it is that I think it’s easier/best for the whole family. I’m not up in the night sterilising bottles, putting on the Perfect Prep machine etc. I just pick her up, she’s on the boob for 10 mins, I re settle her and put her back down. All without really moving from my bed. I’m getting more sleep and am not carrying the baby around the house so DD1 is not being disturbed.

Why don’t you just see what happens after the birth? You’ve got all the bits at home now to bottle feed, buy in a box of formula and therefore you have everything at your finger tips if you need it. That way the pressure is off.

Thankyou all for the fab replies. I think I know deep down that I do want to try again I'm just so worried about feeling that way again I don't have any happy memories of DS's first few weeks though we have lots now but I know a lot of ladies have mentioned how hard they found it too and I do remember thinking at 6 or 7 months when he held his own bottle I bet bfing would have been a lot easier now as he would just latch himself on etc.

YANBU. I had a horrible experience trying to BF DS. He was born by emergency C-Section at 34 weeks and in an incubator for the first 48 hours, so they would drag me out of bed and try to get him to latch, but he wouldn't without nipple shields and then only on one side, and only if I was sitting up. I never had enough milk, he was always hungry, I tried pumping and pumping to get more. I was miserable, he was miserable, the whole fucking shitshow was miserable.

Then one day I woke up and there was no milk. Not a drop. I fed him formula because my boobs were empty. After about 14 hours I got a few small drops, but that was it. So from 6 weeks on I had no choice but to FF, and things got SO MUCH BETTER!!! Until I went for his 8 week check up and the doctor yelled at me for not BF and told me I needed to start again because I was going to make DS obese. I left crying, my DH went back and shouted at the guy for like 20 minutes and filed a complaint with the hospital. I was guilt stricken for months.

When I got pregnant with DD, I waffled back and forth, but honestly, the very idea of trying again gave me panic attacks. So I chose not to BF DD at all. She was born by C-section at 36 weeks, after me being mostly bedridden for 2 months. The midwifes were supposed to give me med's to stop my milk but they "forgot", luckily none ever came in, no soreness, nothing.

My first 6 weeks with DD were so much better, and so much less stressful. I don't regret it at all.

I think the first couple of months are tough no matter how you feed. I bf and had a terrible time as well due to feeding probs. But it got so much better and I felt better after a couple of months and still feeding two years on!

If I had switched to formula I would put feeling better down to that.

But actually I felt better because bf improved over time (as it does for most people) and generally you get more into the swing of things as time goes on.

If you would like to try again please do, but make sure you get support systems in place eg find bf support in your area, look up Facebook bf groups etc - all really helpful.

YANBU I bf DD1 for 6 weeks, I hated it and it made me so ill that I ended up in hospital for a week on IV antibiotics. I did the first 2 days for DD2 so she had the colostrum and then went straight to formula. I always planned to do that and my first few weeks were so much happier. I was relaxed and not in pain and DD2 seems healthy enough.

I found the 2nd much easier. I knew what a good latch looked like so didn't let her shallow suck which damaged my nips first time round. Also she just got it from the off. Engorgement was never an issue 2nd time round either.
Like pp posters have said I'd give it a go if only the antibody rich colostrum.
I think a mixed feeding plan from the off isn't considered enough in the UK and the stats show the all or nothing approach isn't really working. But I would introduce a bottle earlier on than the 6 weeks recommended. Not one person I know has successfully established mixed feeding if they've left it this late. I'd say 2-3 weeks is better. Good luck!

Breastfeeding is not for everyone so don’t feel bad if you don’t want to do it. I bottlefed but expressed for the first month and like you felt utterly miserable. I hated it and it was so time consuming and after 9 months of pregnancy I still felt like my body wasn’t my own. The day I started him on formula it was like a huge weight had lifted off my shoulders and I started to enjoy my baby. If you are really determined to bf give it a go and see how you feel, it could be a very different experience this time but if not you know looking at your ds that he was happy and healthy on formula too so if that’s the way you end up going with your baby that’s great too. Good luck and congratulations on your baby

I found the second easier. He just latched and fed straight away, DS1 was really hard for a long time, partly I realise now because he had a traumatic birth and a lot of things were just not quite right for him.

So I would give it a go if you are happy to with the expectation that this time you wont push yourself to keep doing it if it doesn't work out. Every baby is different. I found it made life a lot easier to bf the second as bfeeding is instant, rather than going off to make up a bottle which is difficult when you cant leave the children alone together. Other point - I would get a sling! Didn't have one for eldest but lifesaver for second child. (I have a 2yr 10month age gap, eldest picked up his newborn brother from his cot and carried him to me once because the baby was crying. They were never left alone again for a second ever!) Sorry trying to be helpful, I also think the feeding issue seems big now but will soon get lost in the constant confusion of 'how the hell do I do that with 2?'? I felt very guilty about weaning with my first and with the second it just worked as I was more confident.

You don't have to justify yourself to anyone other than yourself. I have three children and how I chose to feed them is totally irrelevant to your situation. You just have to do what you think is in the best interests of you and your DC.