To not try breastfeeding again?

[Bippitybopityboo]

When DS was born I bf him for 7 weeks and I honestly tell people that for the first 7 weeks of his life I was so so unhappy. I used to sit and wonder why I was feeling so low when I had such a beautiful, healthy baby. I loved him so so much but in no way was I happy.
Then one day I cracked and gave him formula and he seemed so much more content and settled and I felt like I had been on edge since his birth and it was the first time I could breathe a sigh of relief. I know it sounds so strange but I felt tho he started to pick up from there. I gave DS a combination of formula and expressed milk till he was around 12 weeks then he was exclusively formula fed. I honestly feel I gave it my best and went for as long as I could but I do feel it was the bf that made me so low.

I'm now 27 weeks pregnant and while I would love to give my baby the best I can I can't bear the thought of feeling like that again, especially as I will have ds who will be 22 months when baby is born.
I feel torn as to what to do this time?
Aibu to not at least try again?

YANBU. Feed your baby however you want to. If you do indeed want to try again then do, but allow yourself to switch if needed without guilt or pressure.

I had a Really hard time for the first 10 weeks then it got much easier and I fed for 18m. But my next one I am mix feeding because I put too much pressure on myself and DH couldn’t help out. That’s what’s right for me - you do what’s right for you.

I breastfed my first two for over a year and found it hard and at times painful.

My third is a dream to feed! So different to the others.

Try it, if it's not for you stop.

I have a 2 year old and a 3 month old. I’ll say BF seems to really help the baby’s immunity as DC1 keeps getting ill from nursery and passing it to me, but the baby is perfectly fine.

So totally anecdotally I’d say BF has a protective benefit given there’s an older child in the house.

Give it a try and if you don’t like it, stop. No need to make a firm decision in advance. The formula will be there when you want it.

I’m not even attempting to breastfeed my 3rd, tried and failed with my other 2 and don’t want that first few days of pain and disappointment this time. I know every baby is different but my other 2 were fine on formula so why should I stress myself out? It’s up to you how you feed, so what’s right for you.

YANBU. I am currently bf-ing my 8 month old. It's been a real slog and to be honest I definitely wouldn't ebf again. I might try combi feeding and introduce a bottle of formula early on. I planned to combi feed DS but waited until 6 weeks and it was too late - he refused the bottle completely. I think it's up to you how you feed your baby and if breastfeeding is going to cause misery and distress then it's not worth it.

I am a big supporter of breastfeeding. I loved it and i think its awesome for babies. BUT, as with many things its your body, your choice.
I combi fed my second, was still breast feeding at 18 months but he always had bottles and it was the best of both worlds. As most people have said just don't put pressure on yoirself, particually while you are still pregnant. Those first few feeds are the really good stuff so its worth getting a bit of colostrum into the baby if you can, after that do what you need to make sure your baby is fed and happy without putting pressure on yourself and making yourself ill.

I BF first for a few weeks and hated every second of it too. Every time she latched it felt like being stabbed in the nipples with hundreds of tiny needles and I was mess. My mental health, and sleep inproved as soon as I stopped.
This new one is bottle fed. I did BF whilst in hospital but stopped before proper milk came in. No guilt. We are all happier.

Give the baby formula. It's not poison.

Your mental health is vitally important. I was FF from birth as was my husband and my DD and DS were as well. None of us are obese, we don't have any allergies and we're an all round (touch wood) healthy and happy family.

I get that BFing is important to many but I wouldn't say it's the be all and end all.

Do what feels best for you. I breastfed ds for 3 months and I hated it, resented him and got to the stage where I dreaded him walking up hungry.

I'm 25 weeks pregnant now and I have zero intention of trying.

It's completely your choice, I bf my first for 9 weeks and hated every minute of it, putting her on formula was the best thing.
My second was born at 31 weeks and despite during pregnancy deciding I wasn't going to breastfeed again, expressing milk for him while he was in the NICU was the only thing I could do for him so I did and then progressed to bfing him. He's 10 months old now and we are still bfing, I was lucky that it has been a relatively easy journey for us. I've tried a couple of times to get him into formula but he's resisted and I'm quite happy to continue. Couldn't be more different from my first experience.
Completely your choice

Absolutely do what suits you op. FF is fine. Baby will thrive on either.

You don’t have to justify yourself to anyone ever

If deep down you would like to try it again, then definitely do give it a try. But don't fret about it, especially not now when it's still hypothetical! You have a choice, it's as simple as that.

I know people who didn't try who regret it in hindsight. I found it acutely painful in the first few days; fortunately the HV asked to see how I was doing it and helped me reposition ds which made all the difference. (Also I expressed with breast pump and put the milk into ice cube trays and froze it. That meant that DH could put some in a bottle (warming it up again obviously and feed ds too)

It may well be that it's a vastly different experience with your second, so maybe wait and see how it goes. It's totally up to you.

YANBU
But I'm another who really really struggled with my first and at 6 weeks switched to formula.
My second though it was easy. And I finally understood why people who had never struggled with feeding had been so dismissive.

I Breast fed my first for 3 days and it was the worst 3 days of my entire life. Horrendous!

I put my second straight on the bottle and never looked back!

I’d give it a go, even for just a week to see how it goes, personally. But if you don’t want to, that’s obviously fine too.

Fwiw, I mix fed dc1 for a few months before moving to formula and swore I would move hell and high water to EBF dc2, as I hated the sterilising, preparing formula. Not just the faff, but just how gutted I felt that I hadn’t managed to EBF or even build a remotely efficient breastfeeding relationship with dc1, (crap latch from day 1 which never improved). Anyway, dc2 arrived and lo and behold he can’t latch either, or at least he can’t get a good feed from me. Dc1 was in NICU abs Dc2 was in NNU, where they specifically told me they had to top them up with formula, so it’s not as if I randomly decided to introduce formula. Anyway, dc2 is now 5 weeks old. We’re expressing a lot, doing the odd breastfeed and occasionally formula. Honestly, I sometimes feel like throwing a massive tantrum that I JUST WANTED TO FUCKING BREASTFEED... ahem... sorry. But, obviously, that won’t help, and all we can do is our best. For some people that’s EBF, for others that’s mixed feeding and for others it’s EFF. Tbh I think it’s potentially tough, whichever way you feed.

Again I think it is entirely up to you and whatever you decide you should be happy with it.

I struggled with DD1 and she lost so much weight whilst I was trying to BF that she was put into the NICU. I eventually gave up at 4 weeks and when she had her first bottle she was so contented I knew it was the right decision for her.

When I had DD2 I decided that I would try BF but if it didn't work I wouldn't hold out as long as DD1 as it wasn't worth risking her life trying to BF her. She was so easy, never struggled at all, never hurt and BF for two years. Such a different experience.

You don't have to decide now, just see how it goes be happy whatever happens. I have two happy healthy girls one BF one FF, so do whatever is right for you and your baby.

I think the first couple of months are tough no matter how you feed

Not entirely true though, is it? Everyone's experience is different, be it good or bad.

OP, put your new baby straight on the bottle if that's what you want. Your MH comes first. Try again by all means but if you find it a dark time, honestly, just FF.

This is coming from someone who EBFeeds and put the baby on the nipple straight away, no difficulties. But I always promised myself I wouldn't bother if it was making me miserable.

You deserve to be comfortable too

You should never feel guilty about how you feed your baby. I fed DD for 6 months and like you I hated every second of it. I felt down and struggled to bond with her. Eventually I have her formula and almost overnight I felt so much better. I'm 23 weeks pregnant with dc2 and have no intention of breastfeeding this time if there's any indication that it's making anyone in the family unhappy. I'll give it a go in the hope that because I've done it once it'll be easier this time, but to be honest I'm not expecting to bf for more than a few days and I absolutely refuse to feel bad about it. Do what's right for you.

I was in exactly your position. Exactly! I gave dd2 about 72 hours worth of boob, this meant she got the colostrum and it also gave me the chance to see if it might be easier second time round. And by day 2 it was clear that it would be a massive miserable ballache again so onto the formula she went. And just like number one she's happy, healthy and thriving.

Haribo I admire anyone who had to use bottle when they really wanted to breastfeed but couldn't

DS1 preferred the bottles over breast. After a few very stressful weeks I switched to formula and he was much happier for it.
DS2 on the other hand has always been great at breastfeeding and he hates a bottle!! If breastfeeding works it's great. No sterilising or remembering bottles and milk when you are out. You just put them on and job done!

YADNBU. I felt very similarly to you when I was pregnant with DD2. When I had DD1, I had a rotten time with BF despite seeking support. In the end, DD2 had some colostrum I had frozen in syringes as soon as she was born and then has been formula fed ever since. She's happy and healthy, as am I.

It's fine to formula feed.

I BF DS for six weeks and hated it really : he was never full, I ended up with thrush, mastitis and cracked nipples that horrified even the breastfeeding nurse!

When DD was born 3 years later I did a few days for the colostrum then moved onto formula. It's fine. Don't feel guilty.

You do what is right for you. My dsis regrets bf. Worse decision she ever made and she repeat that now 8 years later. as a direct result i made a decision not to bf and its the best decision i ever made. Ff was sooooo easy for me. So easy at night compared to what my dsis went through. Some of my friends bf excellently and some ff excellently. Whatever works for you!