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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be sceptical about someone who repeatedly refers to themselves as ‘an empath’

71 replies

lottieandmia22 · 28/02/2018 21:47

I know some people are empaths. But to say it repeatedly just sounds a bit self absorbed. Ie, ‘people are so draining to be around because I’m an empath and I can experience all their feelings’ ‘I’m a special snowflake’ basically 😂

After hearing it all the time it gets annoying.

OP posts:

MySockIsWetAgain · 01/03/2018 07:28

Agree the only person I know who regularly proclaims that she is "an empath" has zero emotional intelligence and is very unreliable and flakey.

Yes. Same for anyone who ever says "I have very high social intelligence you see"

Original poster

lottieandmia22 · 01/03/2018 08:02

Wanky is the right word for it - nobody can go near me because I'm such a special snowflake.

I think some people are empathetic but they probably don't mention it to anyone.

OP posts:

SilenceIsBroken · 01/03/2018 08:09

Agree that "I'm an empath" is probably "I'm a narcissist".

Can I add people who say they are introverts to this? It's always said in a "I'm just, well, so different because I sometimes like to be on my own" context.

I hate this trend for labels we seem to be going through.

FluffyWuffy100 · 01/03/2018 08:11

@Casmama nailed the response on page 1!

FluffyWuffy100 · 01/03/2018 08:12

One of my friends always bangs on about how he is so empathetic and really understands people. He has super low EQ and never gets situations right!!!

MissFitton · 01/03/2018 08:12

To the pp who said it was mainly women who do this some men are also prone such as my xH who often claims that people seek him out to offload their burdens on him because he's so empathetic. Which is funny as in my experience he's a massive twat 🤔

'Shaman spray' is a bit Mighty Boosh no? Did they buy it in Shamansbury's ?

Stargirl17 · 01/03/2018 08:55

Haha I have someone in my family who says this, she’s a self absorbed narcissist with delusions that she’s such an empathetic person.
She’s a nob.

Original poster

lottieandmia22 · 01/03/2018 11:59

I'm still laughing about the notion of an energy shielding back pack 🤣🤣

OP posts:

TitaniasCloset · 01/03/2018 17:22

Being an empathetic is an actual non flaky thing too. In the first Hannibal letter film the psychologist/fbi agent is referred to as an empath by lecter, so I asked my psychologist about it once and she says it's a thing. So there!

TitaniasCloset · 01/03/2018 17:23

I want some shaman spray. I wonder if it's like holy water? I love a bit of holy water.

DioneTheDiabolist · 01/03/2018 17:40

One of my students said this when I was doing their induction. So I googled it that night, did a wee test and guess what? Turns out I'm an empath too! And not just any old empath, I'm a Rainbow Goddess empath!

I scored 62%. No way would I be granting goddess status to anyone who scored low 60s. I'd want you to be over 90% before I'd be doling out the big G.

Anyway I thought I'd keep an eye on him. Turns out being an empath meant he listened to the voices in his own head, rather than those of the clients. He didn't last long.

MistressDeeCee · 01/03/2018 18:45

I have a friend who says this all the time, and that it's the reason she attracts narcissistic men. She's a lovely woman. But I really wish it wasn't so important for her to stay in this empath box she's put herself in. She sends me articles about empathy but they mostly seem to me, a load of waffle. Excuses for hanging around people that mean you no good, even people that clearly don't want you. Just seems sad. & almost like an 'Im the better person/unique/special etc stealth boast.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 01/03/2018 19:17

Surely, if you're worried about people acting like moths towards your "light" then wouldn't you need some sort of bug zapper to carry around?
Hmmm, I can see a market opportunity here. Large UV bulbs attached to big batteries. I could put it in a wanky looking backpack too.

WingsofNylon · 01/03/2018 19:53

What a bore. I work with a woman who daily mentions as that she I a 'natural mentor' and that she can't get her work done because of all the people who flock to get her advice. Eerrr, i sit next to her and trust me no one ever asks her for help. And her work is pretty crap. Oh and she isn't on the official list of mentors in the business. Or the new starter buddies list...
Maybe she recently bought a shaman blessed belt and that's why no one approaches her?

SmiledWithTheRisingSum · 01/03/2018 22:08

🤣 Shamansbury's 🤣

mummyhaschangedhername · 01/03/2018 22:18

I've read a few books on highly sensitive people, because I unfortunately am and was looking for ways to get a better control on my emotions. Several of the books refer to very highly sensitive people as empaths. There are "tests" and I "win" lol ... essentially these books describe it as being very aware of others emotions to the point you feel those emotions. It is something I recognise in myself. Unfortunately, most of these books encourage you to use your "special gift" and embrace it. Frankly, I don't enjoy feeding off others emotions, I don't think it's a particularly good thing to encourage because it's not really helpful.

I do think recognising that I do that to a certain extent has helped me better control my own emotions. But I don't think it's really a thing, I think it's just part of being sensitive and some people are more sensitive than others.

I certainly have never announced it to anyone, why the heck would you. "I was readying a self help book and discovered I'm a narcissist" ...you wouldn't do that, why would you say your an empath? I'm not really seeing where it's a positive thing.plus it's not really a thing, it's just a term for over sensitive.

bluescreen · 01/03/2018 22:26

'Empath Man', by Matt Harvey. He lives in Totnes, where (he says) you are never more than 14 feet from an aromatherapist.

phlewf · 01/03/2018 22:34

My “extremely empathetic” friend came back from holiday a week ago. She couldn’t enjoy the holiday because she was feeling so strongly for X Y and Z. Then hours on the phone mining me for information about a relative. Did not appreciate me texting her to say that the weight of her empathy was too much for me to bear.
It’s basically a way to spend more time talking about yourself.

shortaris1 · 01/03/2018 23:01

I have an acquaintance who says this about herself. She's actually a massive people pleaser who tries to make things all about her. She goes on about being introverted too...

thegreatbeyond · 01/03/2018 23:05

"Part Empath, Part witch"...

Maybe he got the witch part on the 'phone at the time?

bluesskies123 · 02/03/2018 03:18

Sorry I haven't rt(full)ft.

People who identify as empaths tend to be a bit fucked up. The way it was explained to me was something along the lines of as babies before we learn language, we rely on our intuition. If for some reason our surroundings are insecure then when the language abilities begin we let go of our intuition and rely more on what is being said to us. If we are taught that we can't rely on the words then that intuition stays with us and it becomes what we reply on as opposed to what we hear and see. It's not esoteric (imo). You just learn to base your judgements and thoughts on intuition.

So as an 'empath', I can read people very quickly. The problem is that you may be right about the way people are, but I have learned that I was mostly wrong about their motives (ie I have felt that if someone behaved badly it was because of my behaviour and not theirs). I really think that people who identify as empaths are broken, and that it's certainly not a good thing to be. I also think it's quite a self absorbed way to be!

It's definitely a thing.

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