Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Grab bag

63 replies

6triesbuttingout · 28/02/2018 20:29

Do any of you have a bag packed and ready to go if you have to get out in a hurry ? So far I've got underwhere, change of clothes and shoes. A few toiletries and an awful lot of paperwork. Oh and my bankcards

OP posts:
6triesbuttingout · 28/02/2018 20:58

Yeah got my meds, change of clothes and now tooth brush

OP posts:
DalekDalekDalek · 28/02/2018 21:00

No ... but I do have nuclear attack supplies which includes water cleaning tablets, cat food, long life food, jerry cans, clothes, blankets and a solar powered radio with a hand crank which is permanently set to radio 4.

I researched it and the cupboard under my stairs in the best place in my house for a nuclear shelter so I keep in all in there ready.

I bought it all when Trump was elected...

6triesbuttingout · 28/02/2018 21:01

Wospace no i don't have anywhere to go but plan on getting first train out and finding a cheap hotel, take stock for a couple of days then go forward

OP posts:
DalekDalekDalek · 28/02/2018 21:04

6triesbuttingout Do you have cash? If you have a joint account he might be able to cancel your card or trace you using it. You could take out a little bit regularly so it's not noticeable that you are withdrawing it.

Allthewaves · 28/02/2018 21:04

Friend mum did the same at 60. She got place in local woman's shelter until she found a flat

HotelEuphoria · 28/02/2018 21:04

OP, when the bag is packed wait until the snow Has stopped then go. You don't deserve that.

Lalliella · 28/02/2018 21:06

6tries Flowers for you. Are you planning on leaving properly, or just bolting if something bad happens? If the latter, are you sure you shouldn’t be doing the former? What is stopping you? Could you go and stay with one of your DCs?

Eveforever · 28/02/2018 21:07

You've had some really good answers. I'm a sentimental sod, so I'd be thinking about personal and sentimental items now like photos if you have space for them after packing your essentials.

DalekDalekDalek · 28/02/2018 21:08

24-hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline 0808 2000 247
Stick it in your phone under a name of a company you use a lot etc.

ReanimatedSGB · 28/02/2018 21:09

Could you have him removed from the house? Might be worth a chat with WA about this, if you would rather stay in your own home without him.

Eveforever · 28/02/2018 21:13

I found this list:-

www.domesticshelters.org/domestic-violence-articles-information/packing-your-bags#.WpcanXTfWhA

I had a quick look and it mentions a couple of things I don't think have been suggested yet, like contact lenses and arranging to get your mail redirected.

StellaWouldYouTakeMeHome · 28/02/2018 21:18

I would start getting together some cash in case he cancelled your bank card or did something else dodgy when you leave.

Also thought it was going to be about crisps. Sorry

octonaught · 28/02/2018 21:24

OP so sorry you are going through this. Without trying to alarm you, it is said that the most dangerous time is when you are about to leave a partner.
Please talk to Women’s Aid so you are best prepared

newtlover · 28/02/2018 21:26

if there has been a recent incident you may be able to get an injunction to remove him from the house
these people can help you do it, possibly for free
but be very careful to cover your tracks and as PP have said think about money, joint accounts etc.

Springtrolls · 28/02/2018 21:26

Ah in that case
Change of clothes
Meds
Charger and phone
Change online banking password asap
Cash
Cards
Passport
Driving license
ID proof of current address
Financial documents
New SIM card so when your gone you can easily change number
Glasses/contacts
Toiletries - shampoo, conditioner, tooth brush and paste
Any creams you use
Couple of extra tops especially at the moment
Anything you hold special that cannot easily be replaced. One of my biggest regrets is I left the photos (before digital came along) so I have very few when the dc’s where young.
Emergency phone charger (you can pick them up from the pound shop)
And sounds silly but pen and paper.

But don’t pack it now. Start to get documents and stuff together and when he’s out quickly pack and go then. If he sees the bag he will suspect something.

And remember you can contact woman’s aid.

And delete your browser history constantly whilst you are still at home

nursy1 · 28/02/2018 21:27

I think you should not leave on a whim. In fact should it even be you that leaves? Go see a solicitor, then pack him a bag.

ThreeFish · 28/02/2018 21:28

I'm sorry.
The bank cards - are they for joint accounts?
Can you squirrel away some cash, or set up an account in your own name?

6triesbuttingout · 28/02/2018 21:34

Omg thank you for all your help and support❤️❤️❤️I've been feeling a bit alone and upset for a long time. The bag is packed and well hidden ( the ironing cupboard) he won't venture in there but it's next to the front door thanks everyone

OP posts:
6triesbuttingout · 28/02/2018 21:38

I also have my finances sorted out. I've been a long time putting ducks in a row. I just need to get him out

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 28/02/2018 22:08

I did at one time, years ago. It had a change of clothes (neutral so it would mix n match), underpants, bra, nightgown, meds, makeup kit (I put 'almost finished' products in it), contact lens case/solution, toothbrush/paste, important documents & phone numbers. I had a 'fuck off fund' of hidden cash, too, that was where he would never look for it but was quickly accessible to me. I also made sure my keys and wallet with all cards were always in my handbag and that I knew exactly where it was at all times.

You and I are about the same age. Please, please don't waste any more of your precious remaining time on Earth with this waste of space. Better a pot noodle in a bedsit alone than filet mignon in a mansion with this man.

May I suggest that the next thing you need to do is see a solicitor? Have a list of household incomings, outgoings (yours and his) and investments, pension, etc. A good solicitor will be able to give you a good picture of what you may or may not be able to expect as far as division of property/assets/income goes.

You know, ofttimes the people in our lives are much more aware of our being abused than we think. It may be that your child, sister, brother, friend sees how he is and is just waiting for your phone call. Do your children have any idea of how he treats you? Can you confide in one of them? Do you have siblings you can speak to for support? It's time to reach out for support.

FrozenMargarita17 · 28/02/2018 22:10

If you have passports you need those OP

Ohyesiam · 28/02/2018 22:15

You are so doing the right thing op. All power to you.
Stay in contact on here, were with you.

Toast3 · 28/02/2018 22:16

Nothing useful to add except to wish you luck OP... I hope you manage to get away OK. Life is too short to be so unhappy 😞

2018SoFarSoGreat · 28/02/2018 22:20

Flowers 6Tries - good for you for being prepared. You are too old to put up with this, and way too young to put up with this. Life can be better. It will be better. You deserve it to be better.

Be safe, and hopefully you will have someone IRL who will be of help. In the meantime, we're here.

MilesHuntsWig · 28/02/2018 22:30

Nothing to add other than good wishes.

Swipe left for the next trending thread