Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

I think my husband is attracted my friend

52 replies

Leggylavender · 28/02/2018 13:17

Or maybe something has happened in the past and I am not aware of!

My husband is the kind of man who is attracted to overly sexy women - lots of skin showing, bad bitch attitude, easy to get (I still don't know why the hell we fancied me in the past).

My friend is sort of a libertine type (many boyfriends at the same time, very open about her busy and varied sexual life). Even though we are very different we are still good friends and get along well.

Recently I've found my husband messaging random women on snapchat (under a fake account), exchanging nudes etc. Please don't judge why he haven't separated from
Him but I decided to give him a second chance. In those snapchats I found out he searched for my friend profile (which he did not find).

Last night he subscribed to someone with her same name on YouTube channel (its probrably her but there's nothing on there). He has been looking for her on social media (she poses naked so I think he was expecting to get any sort of video from her).

I confronted him and he said there's nothing going on and I should not be checking his phone. Got aggressive and I went to bed. Please help me to address this issue and how to confront him! AIBU to be furious at his curiosity?? AIBU that they might have had an affair in the past, or even now? They used to be flatmates (she lived in his flat and that's how I met her) but when my husband and I moved in together he told her and the other lodger to move out.

Please I really need some reasonable advice. Many thanks! Xx

OP posts:

Oooeeeerrrrrindeed · 28/02/2018 13:20

You'd be far better off without this sleaze in your life. His attitude is clearly not a positiin of honesty. Honesty and the respect for your partner has got to be key. No matter what your approach to monogamy.

IpreferFrieda · 28/02/2018 13:21

I think your friend has done nothing wrong here snd it’s nithibg to do with her anyway.

Your dh is disrespectful and looking to stray. He’s not a nice man and not husband material. Decent blokes don’t send naked photos to other women love.

You can do better. I hope you don’t have children with this man.

Pseudousername · 28/02/2018 13:22

My very first LTB.

Seriously - you've given him a second chance after the Snapchat debacle - why are you debating another chance after the discovery he is now actively seeking out nudes of your mate?!

Original poster

Leggylavender · 28/02/2018 13:24

Yes, we do have a child and she is only 21 months. Things are more complicated and they seem to be 😪

OP posts:

Mummabeargrr · 28/02/2018 13:24

I judging on giving him a second chance- that is absolutely your right to do so. But it appears he doesn't want to change ... or he wouldn't be doing that and won't have a problem with you looking at his phone. Remember he messed up and the onus is on him to repair the problem- he will only do it if he wants to. If he doesn't want to he won't change. What is your impression now? Do you think he's considering your feelings and trying to make amends?

Mummabeargrr · 28/02/2018 13:25

No judging **

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 28/02/2018 13:26

Sounds like if he fancies your friend or not is the least of your issues tbh...

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 28/02/2018 13:28

If he's not slept with her I'd bet my last chocolate hobnob he's slept with other women. He's a sleazeball OP. What more can anyone say?

You give him a second chance and you'll live to regret it.

BlondeB83 · 28/02/2018 13:28

LTB. What reason would you have to stay with such a horrible bloke?

Luckingfovely · 28/02/2018 13:28

It's not complicated. He is a piece of shit. Why on earth would you want this sleazy fuckwit in your or your child's life?

The only reasonable advice: run for the bloody hills.

Purringkittenmama · 28/02/2018 13:29

Poor you.
I think you need to decide what is acceptable to you.
If he admits what he has been doing, and promises to stop then you need to decide whether you trust him enough to give him another chance.
I have a DF whose DP had an affair, was found out and apologised, and has then been faithful for many years afterwards (and still is as far as we know).
If he doesn't admit to things which you know he has done, then there is really nowhere to go with that other than deciding if you want to be with someone who does these things- and lies to you about doing them-and only you can make this choice.
Horrible situation for you.
X

PorkFlute · 28/02/2018 13:29

You’re husband unfortunately is a dirty pervert. Your friend has done nothing wrong from what you say.
He’s hopefully capable of being a decent father but has shown he isn’t going to be a faithful husband. If you want to stay with him that’s up to you but don’t kid yourself that he’s changed. You will save tourself a load of heartache in the long run if you get out now and find someone whose idea of acceptable behaviour in a serious relationship is more similar to your own.

MrsElvis · 28/02/2018 13:30

I have no idea but would imagine they haven't had an affair as sounds like he's still putting her in fantasy mode.

He sounds desperate for any content to do with her and I think if he had already shagged her, that mystery wouldn't be there.

What would you be ok with though? How would you feel if he had browsed hundreds of bide pics and videos of her? If they'd messaged each other? Would life be awful without him? Yeah

MyBrilliantDisguise · 28/02/2018 13:32

Would she tell you the truth if you asked whether he'd slept with her before? If he was living with her and she had a pretty open sex life, it's not hard to see they might have had sex together.

Karigan1 · 28/02/2018 13:32

Female friends - no issue
Looking at porn - so what

But surfing trying to find pictures of your friend naked. Nope. She is not some inaccessible image on a screen but someone he is actively pursuing. That is pretty much cheating to me and normally I’m pretty open.

Xylo · 28/02/2018 13:33

Work on becoming independent and find someone (if you want) who actually respects you.

VladmirsPoutine · 28/02/2018 13:34

Where do you think this road will end? You are now on the road to paranoia, anxiety, insecurity and madness. Is this the kind of life you want?

lils888 · 28/02/2018 13:36

Yes he fancies her alright! I imagine she's not the only woman he is overly attracted to other than you either.

Sleezebag.

Here, have my first LTB.

AfterSchoolWorry · 28/02/2018 13:38

He got aggressive?

chipsandgin · 28/02/2018 13:40

Yes he fancies your friend, plus it sounds like anyone else with a pulse and a fanny, he might have fucked her or just want to - it is irrelevant really. He won't change because he is a lying sleazebag who has zero respect for you or your relationship with him.

You can choose to stay and put up with it (which would be very sad and send your child some very questionable messages about self-respect and how people should treat each other). Or you could leave and make a better life away from this pathetic little man and his dick pics and lies. Ultimately it is entirely down to you - your choice (if you can't find the strength to do it for yourself then do it for your child).

In answer to how you should confront him, I would recommend with a pile of all his possessions outside the house and a lock change....

Bluntness100 · 28/02/2018 13:43

I can't see why you would think they had an affair based on this. She's done sod all wrong. It's all him.

You've given him a second chance. He blew it and now you need to decide if you want to give him a third. Basically the message he got when you gave him the second chance was you'd accept whatever he did to stay with him.

Has he slept with her. I doubt it as he wouldn't be desperately searching for her if he had. As he slept with someone else, possibly and it's looking like it's just a matter of time till he does. He's on the search.

Either way he's a sleazy bastard. And your poor friend. Your husband sleazing on her and you trying to in some way think she's bears some responsibility.

Something wrong with thr pair of you.

Bluntness100 · 28/02/2018 13:46

f he was living with her and she had a pretty open sex life, it's not hard to see they might have had sex together

What because a woman having an active sex life means she'd shag anyone. Seriously. Sod off back to the fifties with that mysogynistic attitude.

liquidrevolution · 28/02/2018 13:46

He wont change and staying together for the sake of your DC will end up doing more harm than good. Kick him out. You will survive without him.

motherofyorkies · 28/02/2018 13:47

He's bored and looking for someplace new to put his penis. It sounds like she is one of many women he is curious about having sex with.

It doesn't sounds like she's done anything wrong.

I'm so sorry.

Foreverandforeverandever · 28/02/2018 13:47

You can’t see search history on snapchat

Flip

1 2 3