Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what would happen with maintenance in this situation

145 replies

MaceWindu · 28/02/2018 12:48

A and B are separated, have one DC. B pays maintenance to A.

B has another DC with C. C and B decide B will become a stay at home parent and C will go back to work.

What happens with maintenance for A and B's child together?

OP posts:
Original poster
MaceWindu · 28/02/2018 14:40

I am A. B is male. Prior to C going on maternity leave B earned slightly more than C, but if you take into consideration B's maintenance payments C was earning slightly more. So their household income with only one parent working will be slightly higher with C working, but only because maintenance is not coming out of her salary.

OP posts:
Keepingupwiththejonesys · 28/02/2018 14:45

I do know a couple were the step mum is working and the father is a sahd to their children (2 of them) and he also has another child who is at their every weekend. By law he doesn't have to pay anything but they still do, his wife works as she is the higher earner. I'm just mentioning this as not everyone who does this is doing it to get out of paying maintainence. In your case though it sounds like that's exactly why they've done it, ridiculous. Your child doesn't suddenly cost nothing coz he doesn't work. B is a total twat and c a bit of a dick too. Unfortunately they won't have to pay, its very unfair for A and the child.

Fairylea · 28/02/2018 14:50

I am in a similar sort of situation. My ex is “retired” at 40 and is married to someone abroad who is extremely wealthy (their house alone is worth over $2m, they go abroad every couple of weeks on holiday, Disneyland every few weeks - even though he’s never taken dd there). He stays home and they have 2 children - who he basically farms off to different nannies every weekend (I know all this because our teenage dc goes to stay with him every summer for a few weeks). He gives me the same amount of maintenance he’s been giving me since we split up £200 a month, which yes I am grateful for, but is ridiculous considering how wealthy they are and I feel strongly that dd should have the same quality of life that his other dc do. But what can I do? Nothing. On paper he’s the worlds most fantastic father by paying me something.

Xineop · 28/02/2018 14:50

Wow what twats. What kind of couple make plots to avoid paying maintenance to a child FFS. It's so blatantly on purpose and ridiculous that they can even get away with that.

Birthdaycards · 28/02/2018 14:51

B will not be liable for any maintenance for A&B’s child by being a SAHP.

Fairylea · 28/02/2018 14:51

(Meant to add he was never wealthy, had a very small business in the uk which he sold and then “retired” when he met his now wife).

Pseudousername · 28/02/2018 14:52

Absolute fuckwits as suspected.

Presumably OP you will not be stopping contact but, as your ex is no longer contributing towards the costs of raising his child, you will not be able to afford to financially facilitate any contact. So any 2 hour journeys to see him etc. will not be done at your cost.

Sorry you are in this situation. It is deadbeats like your ex that give divorced dads a bad rep unfortunately.

I wouldn't worry about him wanting full custody, and I highly doubt that he would get it if he did, plus, if you have C's disgusting opinion on a text message or similar I'd be hanging on to that for now - any attempts for custody would be evident as them viewing your child as a cash cow rather than part of their family.

At least you are rid of B and now have D, who actually supports his offspring!

ClaryFray · 28/02/2018 14:53

We're assuming it's a lifestyle choice, and not a need. Maybe they can't afford it otherwise.

Pseudousername · 28/02/2018 14:55

Well if that is the case Clary perhaps they should have considered the existing child before ploughing ahead with making the second!

Xineop · 28/02/2018 14:59

Claryfray- you can't just decide to not pay toward your child to benefit your "new" family though. well clearly you can, but morally you shouldn't. I assume A and Now child NEEDS to eat, be warm clothes etc but it doesn't seem like they stopped to think about that.
If it's a need, then they need to come up with a better plan that includes providing for all children.

pallisers · 28/02/2018 15:00

So if A decided not to earn any money and B was still working, would they increase B's maintenance? I presume no is the answer - he would still only be responsible for half of the costs. So if A's work status is irrelevant to the amount B pays, why is B's work status relevant? The whole thing is desperately unfair.

Presumably it is either A, her partner, or the tax payer who will pick up the cost of rearing B's child - what a freeloader.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 28/02/2018 15:01

B would be an awful father if he went ahead with this. And C sounds like a dreadful stepmum Sad

mrsm43s · 28/02/2018 15:07

C is not responsible for paying towards A&B's child, in the same way as A would not be responsible for paying for D's children from a previous relationship should D stop earning for whatever reason.

B is a pretty poor parent to deliberately choose to not pay towards his children. Legally, however, he's doing no wrong.

Pseudousername · 28/02/2018 15:08

Agreed, C comes across as a real-life Cinderella step-mother.

Original poster
MaceWindu · 28/02/2018 15:09

The thing is though they are only benefiting financially from B being the stay at home parent because C does not have to pay any maintenance. Which to me can only mean they know this and have made this decision deliberately. If it is about what they could afford, it doesn't add up because C earns slightly less than B.

OP posts:
Pseudousername · 28/02/2018 15:09

But mrsm43s, C is clearly "in on" the abhorrent loop-holing.

stitchglitched · 28/02/2018 15:12

C needs to be careful, this is how seriously the father of her baby takes his responsibilities as a parent. She could be in the same position one day.

ohreallyohreallyoh · 28/02/2018 15:20

the mother can claim back dated CS for the 2 years she didnt tell the "father"

stop telling blatant lies. There is no back dating of maintenance and never has been. As well you know.

Belindabauer · 28/02/2018 15:22

Op this was my situation.
If B carried on working B and C would not be worse off but A and the dc are.

I don't know why people think thus never happens it certainly does.
Bottom line some parents and step parents do not care.
The law allows this to happen.

notapizzaeater · 28/02/2018 15:34

I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who did this, if he can do it once they can do it again.

RockPaperCut · 28/02/2018 15:43

Presumably OP you will not be stopping contact but, as your ex is no longer contributing towards the costs of raising his child, you will not be able to afford to financially facilitate any contact. So any 2 hour journeys to see him etc. will not be done at your cost.

Interested to know if this would be a reasonable conclusion. Clearly Op would have to make the dc available for contact but would she be forced to drop dc child off if B isn’t contributing financially? @prh47bridge or any other legal posters.

Original poster
MaceWindu · 28/02/2018 15:55

I have had one conversation with B about this so far. I pointed out that DC isn't going to get any cheaper just because he's no longer working. He suggested that if I had a problem with it, he would have DC full time and I could have EOW.

DC is 3.

OP posts:
CherryMaDeary · 28/02/2018 16:02

I don't know about the legal situation but there have been threads where women have been court ordered to facilitate contact with their dc's unemployed fathers - either doing all picks ups and drop offs if ex couldn't drive or doing half of pick ups and drop offs.

Hopefully those are rare cases!

Allthewaves · 28/02/2018 16:05

If dc only three could he not stay a week with dad and week with you - 50/50 split

RockPaperCut · 28/02/2018 16:05

I think the norm is sharing pick ups and drop offs but personally I’d be pretty naffed off if I was ordered to when my ex was strategically unemployed to avoid paying maintenance.