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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel like we’ll never own a house

75 replies

Happyland8 · 28/02/2018 11:36

DH is on an annual salary of £37,000. I’m a SAHM and we live in military housing which is heavily subsidised. We have 2 DD’s, one who qualifies for 15 hours free childcare and a 1 year old who has no funded hours.

We have no debt but no savings either. We are coming into about £5,000 at the beginning of next year so that will be put to one side to help us with buying a house.

Today I looked at house prices (north of England) and saw some which I thought seemed reasonably priced. We can use the help to buy scheme but then when I checked online, my husband would be lucky to get a mortgage for £70,000, which is nowhere near what we would need to buy a house. I used to have a good career before having children but my husbands work commitments and having no family nearby means that realistically, term time work is going to be my only option (working in a nursery or something like that) and that won’t pay a great deal so I won’t really be able to earn until DC are both in school.

I just feel deflated. I’m 29 and everyone else I know is on the property ladder. I’m just feeling a bit of a failure in all honesty.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 28/02/2018 12:18

Agree it's done now on affordability.

My husband and I were talking about this last night. The issue is when people go into rented straight off, then live a certain social,lifestyle then kids come along. It's really hard to save up for a house as well.

My husband is ex military and we decided against military accommodation and bought in our early twenties, had we not done so we'd probably have struggled too.

All you can do is take advantage of the subsidy and try to save. It's not easy when kids are in play. It doesn't make you a failure not owning in any shape nor form, it's simply a symptom of lifestyle choices.

AgnesBrownsCat · 28/02/2018 12:20

Start saving now . 37 000 is a good salary when you also benefit from subsidised housing .

GrumpyOldBagFace · 28/02/2018 12:31

DH earns + £50,000 and when I was a SAHM with 2, we could only get a £115,000 mortgage.

Can you go back to work for 16 hours a week?

Original poster
Happyland8 · 28/02/2018 12:35

Can you go back to work for 16 hours a week?

It’s childcare that’s preventing me. I’d need to pay for >16 hours childcare for my youngest, enough to cover my time getting to & from work. Plus, I’d have to pay childcare for school holidays for 2 children. It wouldn’t be of any advantage for me to work unfortunately.

OP posts:
Original poster
Happyland8 · 28/02/2018 12:36

My husband will be away for 10 months out of the next year so I can’t depend on him at all in school holidays.

OP posts:
GrumpyOldBagFace · 28/02/2018 12:38

There's very little advantage to me working right now (2 under 3 in full time nursery) but it means our mortgage lendability has gone up by £100,000 - plus all the benefits of pension etc.

It's hard and it's unfair. I don't want to leave my babies but I want to give them a home.

PotteringAlong · 28/02/2018 12:44

The benefit of you working is the ability to borrow more for a mortgage if owning your own home is such a big priority.

BUT

If you live in heavily subsidised housing and have no savings can you actually afford it? You have a relatively high family income and if your housing is that cheap you should have a deposit. What is the money going on?

Bluntness100 · 28/02/2018 12:44

What sort of work are you qualified to do op? Sometimes it's not about the here and now, it's the longer term picture, salary progression, promotion, pension, etc.

CoffeeOrSleep · 28/02/2018 12:45

What did you do before having DCs? What did you earn?

Why arent you saving if your housing is heavily subsidised now? If you can't save in a low rent situation on his wage, how will you comfortably pay a much bigger mortgage?

Understand you would have to use paid for childcare as you don't know if he'd be around to help, but your 15 hours preschool care normally can be used via a nursery to reduce the costs, they often will offer sibling discounts as well.

Even if your entire wage is taken with childcare now, when your DC1 starts school, the costs will drop dramatically in term time (save in term time so you can afford the holidays!), and it won't be long until DC2 is entitled to funded hours to knock off the bill as well.

Original poster
Happyland8 · 28/02/2018 12:53

I worked as a recruitment consultant for 3 years before marrying DH and moving overseas. That was nearly 7 years ago and I’ve worked since then but not in a job paying more than minimum wage.

OP posts:
eurochick · 28/02/2018 12:53

Where is the 37k going? Surely you should be saving loads while you are in subsidised housing.

Original poster
Happyland8 · 28/02/2018 12:55

I wish I could work from home doing administrative work. I’m very hard working so I know I could be a good asset to a company and that would be a good way to balance family life but it’s very hard to come by.

OP posts:
Original poster
Happyland8 · 28/02/2018 12:57

We had debt after getting married which we paid off. His salary has obviously not always been 37k. We live in the south at the moment, not far from London so our rent is much cheaper than it would be. We still pay council tax and all the usual household bills, it’s just cheaper rent. We do also pay £200 a month for our car which is on lease.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 28/02/2018 12:58

Why have you worked NMW jobs, was it due to kids?

You could try to get your hand back into recruitment, and look at the long term prognosis of career and salary progression. You are likely to be able to afford childcare due to housing subsidy. As a previous poster said, costs decline sharply as kids get older. You can also consider seriously saving.

What you can't do unfortunately is not work and not save, because it will be very hard to buy a home under those conditions.

Original poster
Happyland8 · 28/02/2018 12:58

Needless to say, we would never be able to buy down here so are hoping for a posting in the North.

OP posts:
Original poster
Happyland8 · 28/02/2018 13:05

If my husband gets a posting overseas, we would be entitled to an extra £900ish a month. I’m keen as I see this as an excellent opportunity to save but he’s not convinced. He thinks I should get back into work at the earliest opportunity but I don’t think he appreciates the added pressures we’ll have once I’m working again, particularly during times when he’s away. I don’t think he realises how little extra income we’ll have if any for the first few years. I think we should do a few years overseas and then move back, I can work when we move back and at that point we can buy. I may find suitable work overseas too so could save even more during those years.

OP posts:
IntoTheFloodAgain · 28/02/2018 13:07

OP I got a mortgage just over a year ago for 76k and I was a salary of 18k. This was with Halifax.

I had to take it out on a longer term though (40 years) but that’s something I have planned for and will be able to change my deal to a shorter one soon.

The house I bought was a large ex council for 85k (east mids)

Have you tried extending the number of years you borrow for?

It is very hard but at the same time I do think you’re in a better position than some with the subsidised housing.

If you plan on going back to work later on, it’s probably better for you to save as much as possible for the next couple of years so you have a bigger deposit.

CoffeeOrSleep · 28/02/2018 13:08

If you worked in recruitment, that does work well in London, you may well find someone happy to do 2/3 days a week and one at home. Researchers often are able to do 1 day from home. You'd still have to pay for childcare, but mean you didn't have to do/pay for the commute. Worth trying.

Or you accept that the lifestyle you have now is the one you want, so that means the thing that 'gives' is owning your own home for the next few years.

Bluntness100 · 28/02/2018 13:09

Op, it's ok not to want to go back to work when the kids are young. You do however need to have an honest discussion with your husband about what you want v what he wants. One parent staying at home only works when both are in agreement. Equally you can't force him into an overseas assignment when he does not want to and because it supports you not working right now.

I suspect you should sort this issue out first.

Chienrouge · 28/02/2018 13:09

I think he can only borrow that much because he is the sole earner for a family of 4, 2 dependent children and a wife to support. I’ve tried on numerous sites and I’m getting the same sort of results

We bought last year. I’m a SAHM, we have 2 pre school DC, DH the sole earner. We borrowed 4 times his annual salary. Go and see a mortgage broker.

Original poster
Happyland8 · 28/02/2018 13:13

Bluntness100 helpful post. Thank you. It wouldn’t be to support me not working, it would simply be to give us that extra money (£900 per month) over the next few years to save. I could also work over there, but working won’t give us much extra until DD2 gets some funded hours or is at school, so the main purpose it would serve is to increase how much we can borrow on a mortgage. We need the deposit first though and an overseas posting would help massively with that.

OP posts:
Verbena37 · 28/02/2018 13:19

Pop to you’re local HIVE and ask them for everything they have on house buying in the military.
Call AFF and ask for their help further.

When we bought our’s we spoke to an army financial advisor about life insurance and other house stuff. That was free. He was from ABACUS.

Also, look into buying an ex-married quarter if they’re still selling them off.
Also, read this...
www.gov.uk/guidance/forces-help-to-buy

Verbena37 · 28/02/2018 13:21

Oh and London and country were brilliant. Can’t recommend them highly enough to speak to abot mortgages.

Always tell anybody you chat to you’re a Forces Family as rules vary. Buying to let for example....if it’s your only property, you don’t have to pay the same higher rate of interest if you rent out your property as you would as a civvie.

Verbena37 · 28/02/2018 13:22

Oh and look at the 30 free hours childcare scheme.

CoffeeOrSleep · 28/02/2018 13:28

I guess over all you have to decide if as a couple, you are planning to make being home owners your priority for the next 5 years or so.

If that's the case, you will have to look at going back to work, if you can earn enough to cover nursery and commuting costs (and you will have to look at working full days, not just wrapping around preschool), then starting sooner rather than later will help when looking for a mortgage. You also will have to save as much as possible while you can benefit from subsidised housing for now.

If you don't want to have to work long hours when your DCs are small (even if those long days aren't all 5 days a week), then perhaps you have to accept that buying a house will have to be something you leave for the next 10 years.