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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To worry that it's cheeky to invite ourselves to stay?

63 replies

Heycrazyloulou · 28/02/2018 09:42

I have planned a day out at a theme park over the holidays for DC. We would need accommodation for two nights as we live so far away. My sister lives within a 30 minute drive away from this place. Would it be cheeky to invite ourselves to stay with her?

OP posts:

FleetwoodSmack · 28/02/2018 10:01

Until finding MN it would never have occurred to me that it would be a problem. This place has been a real eye opener.

It wouldn't strike you as a potential issue if a sibling you seldom saw 'invited herself' and her family to stay with you for two nights purely because you live close to a theme park?

VladmirsPoutine · 28/02/2018 10:02

To be honest if you're worrying about it it's probably best not to. One of my siblings has a key to my house and will occasionally help herself to lunch at mine whether or not I am in. To some on MN that would sound horrific, but it's just the nature of our relationship. If you're unsure then I'd say it's probably a no-goer.

hibbledibble · 28/02/2018 10:03

If you have a reasonable relationship then I would ask. The worst that happens is that she says no.

I think mumsnet is a bit weird sometimes, in that so many people think it is not ok to ask your sister if you could stay with her.

metalmum15 · 28/02/2018 10:04

Get ready for the 'my cf sister invited herself to stay for 2 nights' thread 😉

ReanimatedSGB · 28/02/2018 10:06

There are some people I know I could contact and say 'Hi, am down your way on [date], any chance I could grab a bed for the night?' and they would either happily say yes or decline if they had other plans. Others I wouldn't feel I could presume.

(I sometimes get in touch with friends who live in the area I'm visiting and ask if they know of any cheap/decent B&Bs near their place - and sometimes they say, oh come and stay with us, but sometimes they give me a useful list of info.)

Depends on what you know of your sister and how well you get on.

Pinkprincess1978 · 28/02/2018 10:07

My brother lives close to a major city and sometimes I think gets a little put out if we book a hotel 😂 we do make an effort to visit regularly as does he and always stop at each other's house. He would have no problem with us just using his house to be close to somewhere and us only spending the time with them on an evening. But that's us.

To the person who would expect to be paid into an attraction... wtf! They might as well stop in a hotel then! Paying for a takeaway or cooking a meal maybe as a thanks but paying potentially 100's of pounds to get you and your family in is far to much.

Cath2907 · 28/02/2018 10:07

I would and would expect my sister to do same. We often inconvenience one another with our requests for help / support / a favor. I suspect we both have a bit of a quiet moan about the other but generally we love another and want to help.

Onlyoldontheoutside · 28/02/2018 10:08

Depends on your family,in ours there would be no problems.

KatharinaRosalie · 28/02/2018 10:08

I would most certainly have my sister over. I would actually find it upseting if she was in the area and decided to stay somewhere else, just half an hour away.

Pseudousername · 28/02/2018 10:09

I wouldn't think twice, neither would my sibling if it was vice versa, but we have an excellent relationship - even if we don't see each other as much as we'd like.

We live near a tourist attraction and I'd be pretty upset if they didn't tell me they were coming and I'd insist they stayed with us.

I certainly wouldn't be asking for tickets, money or food either , what dreadful a) attitude, b) relationship, c) hosting skills.

MargaretCavendish · 28/02/2018 10:11

The hotel would probably be cheaper.

And, by the sounds of it, far, far more hospitable!

Luckingfovely · 28/02/2018 10:11

Honestly, it's a completely ridiculous question to ask on a public forum.

Only you can possibly know your relationship and whether this is appropriate or not.

Although - having said that - if you have to ask, the answer is probably that you shouldn't.

daisypond · 28/02/2018 10:12

It's fine. I hardly ever see my sisters (maybe once a year) and it's fine that they stay with me when they come to see something in London, where I am. It kills two birds with one stone - we see each other and they get to see what they've come for in London. I would be upset if they felt they should book a hotel. I would not expect to be taken along to the attraction, and nor would I expect a dinner invite either.

CavoliRiscaldati · 28/02/2018 10:12

It's only on MN that I discovered that some people hate visitors and resent anyone trying to be friendly, and would completely lost it at the idea of doing anyone a free favour, god forbid, to family and friends.

Most people I know would be nearly offended not to be asked, and at the very least my parents and sisters always have a room in my house (figuratively, I don't have a spare room per family member).

I find it very weird not to welcome any guest if we can and not to invite myself with my family to any friend's house - how do you even see each other otherwise?

It depends on your relationship, if you feel you'll have a fall out or you will get a bill for using her soap and toilet tissue like some posters would, you'd be better off in a cheap Premier Inn kind of hotel or a B&B.

Perendinate · 28/02/2018 10:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wineandrosesagain · 28/02/2018 10:18

Just ask her Op. DH and I have family all over the country. Some of them we don't see for months at a time as they live far away, but if they are in our area for whatever reason, we'd be delighted to accommodate them as it gives us a chance to catch up. We'd also prepare a nice supper to share with them, and enjoy their company. I certainly wouldn't be taking offence that they were only visiting because they were attending something local to us, nor would I expect to tag along (at their expense plus expect a free dinner!). I'd just be pleased to see them.

Op, you know your sister better than we do - would she be pleased to see you? If so, just ask.

Ginseng1 · 28/02/2018 10:23

No problem here I could with my n dh bros & family n they with me. Really no big deal. Still get to catch up in the evening with them & cousins hang out so win win. And would not expect free dinner n tickets!! Now a random friend r distant cousin or something - that's a different story.

HouseworkIsASin10 · 28/02/2018 10:30

How old are sister's kids? They might feel left out or expect their mum to fork out and take them aswell.

Astrabees · 28/02/2018 10:32

I would be fine if my brother had wanted to do this. There is no way I would ever have gone to a theme park (and my children were not keen on them) so I wouldn't have wanted to go with them. An offer of a pub lunch out would be nice, but as host I've always paid for that sort of thing myself.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 28/02/2018 10:33

YABU. I think it’s cheeky, particularly as you say you don’t see her often.

So it reads like you’re willing to go all that way for something you want (attraction) but not to actually see her, just use her as a hotel.

KC225 · 28/02/2018 10:33

Tell your sister you are planning a trip to the tourist site and it would be great if both families to go together. Look up B&B's in order not to appear presumptuous, so if she asks where you are staying you can say you have been looking up places to stay. If she offers you to stay at hers, then accept graciously and insist on taking her family to dinner as a thank you gesture. If she doesn't offer for you to stay, no one is put out by asking or refusing. And no you do not have to pay for her and family to go to the theme park as well. The poster who wrote that is clearly one featured on the CF threads or will be soon.

ReelingLush18 · 28/02/2018 10:35

I think you shouldn't invite yourself but ask DSister outright if it's okay to stay (so she has the option to say no!).

MadMags · 28/02/2018 10:39

If my guests are going to this attraction then I would at a minimum expect them to also pay for me and my family to go along too as theyre saving all hat money by staying at my house. I would also want dinner thrown in.

If you are this poster’s sister, don’t bloody stay with her! Miser!

It wouldn’t dawn on me not to stay with my sister in this situation, but I know DH wouldn’t ever stay with his brother so it really does depend on the relationship and none of us know that!

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 28/02/2018 10:40

I'd do it.

Wineandrosesagain · 28/02/2018 10:49

It's not cheeky to ask to stay with your sister! Nor is it "just using her as a hotel" FGS! People have busy lives, may live far away from family, so if you don't get the chance to visit much, then an opportunity like this is ideal to catch up. I am astonished that people think this is cheeky or would get the arse about a close relative or friend asking to stay over just because they are in the area. Why wouldn't you want them to? If you have a poor relationship then that's another story - but for people you love? surely you'd be delighted to see them.

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