For eating as a family

[Joskar]

I was listening to The Food Programme and it was an episode from October about eating as a family. Apparently this is very unusual these days. They reckoned that it was leading to poor mental health in young people (particularly girls) and that most families don't eat together anymore but when they do they have the TV on. Is that true do you think? I thought eating together was the norm.

www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b099w3v4

Yep it is in our house

New houses often dont have much living space, so a table and chairs would take up a lot of room. A lot of people eat with trays on their laps.

Not eating together isnt going to cause MH issues, but lack of quality time very well might.

We eat together & I delay dinner to do so if someone is coming back later (within reason 😉).

I remember eating alone after school (mum left dinner in oven) and we ate on our laps too 😱

We nearly always eat together. Kids need to see others eat so they learn good table manners. I like it, we turn off the TV and have the radio on. We chat.
But not everyone has time to do this or aren't together for mealtimes. I can see it might get tricky with teenagers too.
We have a night off sometimes when DH is away and then it's like a luxury to sit on the living room rug eating pizza!
Different strokes and all that though. I wouldn't judge anyone who doesn't.

We don't eat together as a family very often and only ever at weekends (maybe one lunch and one tea). Dp doesn't get home until nearly 7pm so what can we do (dc are 2 and 4)? I have lunch with them 2 days a week. A couple of my friends (with dc similar age to mine) are insistent on eating as are family and they struggle with their dc 's weight because the dc eat 3 meals plus snacks aret nursery then come home to a meal in top of that. Maybe when the dc are much older and can wait until 7 to eat, but I have no idea how old dc are when they can hang on until then

It completely depends on personal circumstances. It’s quality time spent together in a warm loving environment than meal times really.

After all meal times fraught with arguing isn’t much fun where a board game with picnic pizza can be fantastic.

I don’t think those families who sit down together to eat every night are somehow superior units on this one issue.

We have 90% of evening meals together as a family. DC eat breakfast with their nanny as DH and I have already left for work.

We occasionally eat pizza in the lounge but eating in front of the TV is rare.

How is this especially bad for girls?

indubious

We found around 11/12+ if have a snack around 4. Teenagers eat constantly anyway so that’s no issue

We've always eaten as a family as much as possible - even delaying dinner to do so. If.i know.its going to be a late dinner the DC will have a snack to tide them over.

I think it's really important and will prioritise family meals over extra curricular activities.

We tend to eat together at the table most evenings, but if there is something we all want to watch together we have a 'TV' dinner. We like to discuss all sorts of topics and sitting at the table makes it easier to chat.
Agree with hollybay in that lack of quality time spent together is probably more detrimental to MH.

When I want to have a deeper discussion with my DC, I tend to corner them in the car where they can't get away from me.

We eat together as much as we can.
No TV watching either.
We've started playing a game like UNO after a meal too, which DS loves.

When I had children, I made a point of us all eating together at the table. It was usual in my DH's family, but not really in mine. Now its unusual for us to eat separately. Oddly enough, now, if I eat sitting on the sofa, I get terrible heartburn almost immediately. Re the eating twice, we eat earlier than 7. I appreciate we are lucky that we are all local so we can get back home for that time.

We mainly eat all together. Except the odd occasion where DS will eat earlier.. He will tonight for example as one of his out of school activities is starting a little earlier so he will eat. Dp will get in, take him there and come back and we'll eat before picking him up.

This not an AIBU, it's an am I unusual ly great not so stealth boast...You state that what you do has been mentioned on the programme as generally a positive thing, and not doing it linked with problems, then ask whether you are unreasonable for doing the recommended thing...

We eat the evening meal as a family too, it works for us most days, but some days one person can't due to shifts (me) or sports (DC2). DH used to come home early (meaning he left home at 6am to be back again by 5:30pm) in order to eat together when the kids were tiny, but now that's just our routine and we all prefer out early, home early. I don't need to ask whether it's unreasonable though, because it clearly isn't!

We've always eaten together. When DS was a teenager he spent most of his time in his room on gadgets but always came down to sit at the table with us for tea/dinner. He's away at Uni now but still eats with us in the evening when he's at home.

We mainly eat together.

we have a table, and enough chairs, and are all home around the same time - so it is easy for us.

We eat all our meals together in the dining room around the table. I wouldn't have thought it was that unusual but so many of our children's friends have passed comment on it I think we must be the only ones for miles to do it!

We try to eat together as a family most days unless I am late home from work. We have a no screens at the table rule as well. We always ate as a family when I was young. It is also the norm in DH's family (North African) so it's not just a British cultural thing imposed by me.

It is a real treat for the DC if they have a sitting room picnic in front of the TV.

I'm pretty sure most of my kids' friends eat around the table, though in the kitchen, dining rooms aren't a thing. Nobody I know has a TV in the kitchen.

We have loads of kids through the house and all expect breakfast and dinner at the table in the kitchen, because that's where they automatically go. If they have friends over, especially if there are a lot of children, I often encourage them to eat lunch outdoors if it's not raining or freezing, which is generally viewed as wild and crazy but embraced, only kids fed by me eat in the village playground, but I am not sure how that impacts mental health.

We have to eat at the table otherwise our pesky cat and dog won't leave us alone!

Rarely here. DH gets home very late, often even he and I don't eat together. I obviously sit with DC while they eat, they wouldn't eat otherwise! Weekends, occasionally, but our DC are young and I prefer to get them off to bed then eat when I feel more relaxed.

I am not very good at or very interested in cooking. I find it such a huge faff. Somehow I can cobble together something edible for little ones but to make a meal for all of us that everyone would actually eat would be so much effort I just can't be bothered.

Cooking is, for me, the very worst aspect of parenting. I hate being responsible for other people's diets. I am a grazer at heart and just want to pick at whatever I fancy on and off all day. I've never been a 3 meals a day person.

My kids eat together but I use that time to tidy up before bed. Once they are in bed I then eat. It's not ideal but it suits us and I don't think my kids suffer from it.

We all eat breakfast together, and on weekends we have our family roast together. That day we play board games and chat for hours at the table. Weekdays is far more regimented, we just don't seem to have time in the evenings at all

It is unusual, my 9 year old tells me! We must be a a typical mumsnet family. We definitely eat later than many of her friends. We eat together at 7-730. Suit me as i don't get in from work til 7 somedays. My DH cooks more than I do. The 14 year old makes it down for dinner. Otherwise we might not see her.

I was genuinely surprised by the programme. It's not meant to be a stealth boast or a judgment or anything like that. I understand that people have different lives and schedules and set ups. Doesn't put me up nor down how other folk live. I was just taken aback by the way they were speaking about eating together as though it was really unusual. I suppose it isn't so much AIBU as AIBWeird.

I have to say I disagree that this is the cause of mental health issues in young people. I think it's way more complicated than that.

For a long time eating as a family was the thing most likely to cause an argument in our house. If we waited til h got home the DD's would be starving and fractious coupled with their fussy eating habits which sent him up the wall.
Think any quality time is what to aim for rather that having to centre it around meals.