What is 'save the date'?

[Nakedavenger74]

We've received a 'save the date' card for a friends wedding in October. We are delighted to receive this but does this mean we are invited to the whole thing or is it still up in the air until we get something official?

I kind of need to know as the wedding is in rural Northern Ireland and we are in NZ. A bit harsh but we need to book flights asap and it'll be a little disappointing to splash $5k and travel 12000 miles for just a couple of hours and a disco.

Normal means just pencilling the date in. The date may change. Although normally it means it will definitely be that day but the details haven’t been finalised.

As your circumstances are what they are, I’d ask the bride directly after receiving this.

Get in touch and ask. I'm amazed you will cross the planet for even an all day party but each to their own !

Just ask them? But if you’re traveling that far they must be inviting you to the whole thing otherwise it would be ridiculous!!

Thanks @ThroughThickAndThin01
Wow it's even looser than I suspected. I thought it meant 'wedding will happen on this date we just haven't got round to invites yet'

Bride is v traditional and I know the (very swanky) venue is booked already. What the usual timescale between a save the date and an formal invite?

Rural NI would be SHAMED in the whole community if they invited you from NZ and you didn't eat at least 500g of meat and three types of potato. I would take it that you are invited to the whole thing.

I feel a bit grabby demanding to know if we are on the A list or not. They are quite recent friends and I wasn't even sure we would be invited at all.

I would definitely think you would be invited to whole thing if you live so far away but definitely worth asking 'Hiya bride/groom, So excited to get your save the date card today - hope the wedding planning is going well. We are really hoping to be able to come and would need to book flights ASAP - is this OK? '

I believe wedding invitations are traditionally sent out six weeks before the wedding.

Sod it. Can't wait until 6 weeks before. Flights will be a billionty quid! Also with the time the bastard post takes to get here silt will be 2 weeks before the day! Going with @Bobbybobbins response.

Although if they say "oh that's will be great, it will be lovely to see you in the evening" I'm buggered and will have to retract our gracious acceptance...

If it's N Ireland I'd lay money on it being the whole thing. In our N Irish family it's the whole thing or nothing, they don't believe in evening guests. Their weddings are awesome.

Ta @Bluelady and @7to25. Sound like the trip will defffo be worth it then

I think you need to find out exactly what you are being invited to and so would include something like “can you let me know rough timings for the day so we can plan hotels, travelling distance etc accordingly?”

Although it’ll be a bit tricky if only an evening invitation and you have to extricate yourself! Can’t imagine they’d invite you all that way just for the evening though,

I would say its almost certainly the whole thing but maybe you could go with

"Hey Bride, thanks for the save the date card, sorry I'm not that familiar with them, is it for the whole day as I will need to book flights if it is"

Save the dates normally go out early to allow for planning eg buying flights but before the invitations as timings of the day may not be finalised.

If you’ve had a save the date through the date shouldn’t change, that’s the whole point of them.

They’re useful for shift workers like me who have their rota 3 months in advance and have to request the time off. But generally they seem to be a hated thing on mn. I don’t know why. If I only got 6 weeks notice of a wedding I wouldn’t be able to go.

I thought they only got sent to day guests.

Surely they need to know numbers more than 6 weeks ahead though? Don't venues and caterers need these well ahead?

Our venue asked for final numbers two weeks before.

Surely if you’re coming from NZ you wouldn’t just get an evening invitation? That would win the mn cheeky fucker award!

Exactly what I was thinking @HobnobBob that only whole day invitees get the sainted save the date.

Anyone received a save the date then been invited to evening only?

Seriously you're about to spend a load of money on going to the wedding. You are not being unreasonable asking for details and clarification well in advance.
Tbh I wouldn't go...

I've got a save the date on my fridge which I know is evening only, and had one 2 years ago, so people do send them for evening guests. But I don't think they have done in your case, that would be really bad

Don't assume anything. These things vary. If I were the bride and groom I'd expect you to want to know as many details as possible ASAP and I also wouldn't be offended if you didn't go.

In my experience, Save the Date means you are invited and it is definitely this date. I have never received a Save the Date and not been invited, and I would be outraged if that happened, although I have heard of it on MN.

I do think Save the Date cards are a good thing, as I have been in a situation a few times of wanting to organise a summer holiday but not wanting it to clash with any upcoming weddings,. But only if they are definite otherwise what is the point!

You need to read TidyDancer’s save the date threads in classics volumes 1,2 and 3. Not much can beat the cheeky fuckery on it.

Weddings.co.uk and hitched.co.uk forums seems to think it is height of bad manners to send an STD to an evening only invitee without clarification. That and the weight of Mumsnet consensus means I'm going to go with an email that says we would love to come and implies a whole day invite... eg. 'Can't wait to hear Derek's groom speech.'

You’re going to travel across the world for a recent Friends wedding?