What is 'save the date'?

[Nakedavenger74]

We've received a 'save the date' card for a friends wedding in October. We are delighted to receive this but does this mean we are invited to the whole thing or is it still up in the air until we get something official?

I kind of need to know as the wedding is in rural Northern Ireland and we are in NZ. A bit harsh but we need to book flights asap and it'll be a little disappointing to splash $5k and travel 12000 miles for just a couple of hours and a disco.

I wouldn’t book nowt until you get an invite. Some people do the This is the date of our wedding, you may get an invite (or not) but book this day off anyway.

They’re a nonsense.

They should be called ‘We might have the wedding on this date and we might invite you’ card, but it’s a bit long 🤣

There was a thread in here a while ago (though might have been a troll?) where a couple were sent one, then asked by the bride to help decorate the venue etc, but then weren’t actually invited to the wedding...she’d just wanted them to help out 😖🤣

Anyway, coming from NZ it’s quite reasonable to ask now for as many details as they can give you.

I can’t believe you’re all coming for a recent friend’s wedding though. Rural Ireland in October isn’t exactly Fiji in February 🤣

Our family are organising a wedding later this year and save the dates went out as soon as the date with the registrar and the venue had been confirmed. We have a number of guests coming from abroad and we wanted to give them time to book flights etc but also wanted to let home guests who may be booking their holidays know so they could fit around, if they wished. Everyone who got one was invited and will be getting the detailed and formal invite. We got replies from everyone, though not asked for commitment, and there were a couple of nos ( carers and a couple of partners not coming ) so were able to ask a couple of work colleagues who didn't know they were on List B, shh ( not having extra evening people )

Save the dates are normally implying you're going to get an invite to the full wedding I'm pretty sure

My understanding of Save the Dates is this is when we are having the wedding and you are invited, but times and details aren’t finalised yet. I would want to get details out pretty soon though especially if people are going to have to book flights or even hotels.

I would hope that someone being asked from the other side of the planet, would be invited to something more than the night do and buffet!

Have to say, I wouldn't travel more than 200 miles unless it was a sibling, niece, or nephew, (or one of my children obviously!)

I would never have to travel further than a couple of hours drive though, as everyone close to me (friends AND family,) lives within 10 minutes walk to 2 hours drive. I certainly wouldn't be travelling 12,000 miles for the wedding of a 'friend.'

Most NI weddings I've been to have had separate evening guests but sending a save the date for the evening, let alone to people who'd be travelling from NZ is unthinkable...

Maybe ask them what time they are likely to be expecting you so you can plan the flights to avoid jetlag/make sure you are up and about by the time required

They are quite recent friends

Amazed anyone would travel that far to attend the wedding of "quite recent friends"! . I'd think twice even if it was close family

They are recent but very close friends. Met in NZ a few years ago and they returned to UK last year (big close family, lots of friends there). Holidayed together. Looked after their dog. They've gone out of their way to see us. We've kept each other sane while getting used to expat life. Used to see them fairly frequently when they were here now just sporadic whatsapps. Assumed that they would have much more interesting folk to invite than us.

They are lovely people and tbh it gives us an excuse to get back to UK for a couple of weeks. Nevertheless through, if it wasn't for the wedding we probably wouldn't be using $5k of savings and 10 days holiday on a trip back this year.

I've just realised though that because we know them from NZ we won't know anyone else there... hmmm. Have I talked myself out of it now?

I’m sending out save the dates this week. I’m sending some to people in Canada and South Africa, They will def be invites for the whole day but I’m fully expecting a phone call/email asking for follow up. Would totally understand if they say it’s not possible though. That’s why I’m sending save the dates, gives everyone plenty time to get cheap travel and hotels.

I’ve been sent a save the date card for an evening invitation, but I live in the same town as the bride and groom so was fine. In your case I can’t imagjne someone would
invite someone from New Zealand for the evening only, but I would definitely check with them.

If you weren't planning on going anyway OP, I would not go. Very far, very expensive. Just no.

And from your last post, it sounds like you're not massively keen.

We received a save the date card from friends who we'd only recently met. We thought in that case we'd better invite them to our wedding which was around the same time. Juggled some things round and managed to squeeze them in.

It turned out we were only invited to the evening bit of their wedding. We were not too impressed, especially when they then left a voicemail the morning of our wedding saying they couldn't make it as they were having problems with a neighbour

I think in your case, surely it must be an all day invitation, but definitely worth checking!

@annieadonimouse

How dare you, @tidydancer (OP of the finest wedding thread ever to grace MN) is not a troll !

OP, if coming to UK for a couple of weeks would be of benefit to you anyway, definitely come. It’s appalling etiquette to send a save the date to an evening guest at all, let alone in NZ, but sadly it does happen so definitely check. There’s no way they’ll be offended. Personally instead of emailing that you’ll enjoy the speeches, I would directly ask about timings so they have to answer one way or the other. Silence in the face of a mention of the speeches could be ambiguous.

There was a thread in here a while ago (though might have been a troll?) where a couple were sent one, then asked by the bride to help decorate the venue etc, but then weren’t actually invited to the wedding...she’d just wanted them to help out 😖🤣

Defo not a troll. Tidydancer set the bar for wedding CFery.

One of my friends received a Save the Date card from someone she considered a good friend - and then never actually received an invite. We've always wondered why and will now never know as the bride died 6 months after the wedding 😰