In my experience through separation I've found a very one sided, outdated, backward, non child centred system. A system that does not safeguard the interests of the child but the parents and their needs and wants.
So far we as parents have managed to stay away from the lawyer/court/maintenance system however this has taken a great deal of work and very very worrying and troublesome times, all of which must have had an impact on my children, consciously or subconsciously.
In short my ex pays maintenance for his children, this has been dropped, stopped and under threat at various points in the two year separation. The obvious response to this would be, involve a lawyer however this is costly and wouldn't necessarily achieve what I feel should be the shared outcome for the children. That they continue their life, parental home, hobbies, interests etc etc... in the same manner as if they were still in a two parent family, after all, they did not ask for this, their life chances are already compromised and IF they have two parents truly putting them first then as little as possible should change for THEM regarding their life chances/choices and experiences otherwise surely they do just become a statistic of the pitfalls of divorce/separation.
Where my anger over the current system stems from is that there is nothing in place to safeguard THEIR current situation. There is no system to say, you attended dance class three times a week, you are involved in groups such as Rainbows or Brownies, you have already established friendships and goals for the future, you are involved in school groups, you attend extra curricular activities, all of this needs financial input. Nope, we will stick to an outdated maintenance calculator that can be manipulated (self employed?) and used to demonstrate how little financial input fathers actually require to pay towards THEIR children. And it IS used, to bully, manipulate and highlight just how little fathers in the UK have to contribute towards their children, by not only fathers but even more sadly other mothers (for reasons only known to them) to justify the poor show of non child centred approach and a need to bolster and support this sad opting out of true parenthood.
It's not about the money per say, it is about the life limiting circumstances that arise from a parent deciding not to pay maintenance to ensure their children's lives continue in the same vein as before divorce/separation. We get embarrassed and very British and don't want to talk about maintenance and payments however it is a crucial and vital part of shared parenting. It is the difference between keeping disruption to a child's life as minimal as possible and this means someone taking the "hit" why should it be the child? In this system it is, time and time again. And the system supports it. If you decided on a whim you won't pay child maintenance in other countries this would be a criminal offence, in the UK it happens all the time with very little recourse. If the resident parent, did not feed, clothe, pick up their child from school, this would be abandonment, not so for the non resident. If we truly want a fair system, if we truly want a child centred approach things need to change! Accountability must come first and be enforceable for ALL parents, resident or not!!
I never ever thought I would find myself in this situation. I never wanted a split family for my children. My over riding goal in life is my children's happiness and I would do anything to protect them but sadly I can't make this system better for them, quickly enough. I am lucky, I have a well paid job, I work hard to provide for my children but so do most mothers that find themselves in differing circumstances. I continually hear comments like, "but I'm working full time, why should I pay "her" xyz" well, for a start I'm guessing "her" carried your child for 9 months of her life and then nursed the child and KO'd a very good part of her working life to care for YOUR child, so she is already on a back foot with regards to employment. However stick a few figures in the government calculator and you will find yourself with as much financial responsibility as keeping a hamster. The moral and financial responsibility towards that child is really and truly up to you. The non resident parent, well they can pick and choose and we as a nation will support that.
Any wonder our mental health issues amongst teenagers are sky rocketing. Start safeguarding our young people. Start making ALL parents truly accountable.