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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to think that my mums ring should be mine?

78 replies

Jjoarich234 · 26/02/2018 14:35

My mum passed away after a short illness when I was 14.
I’m now 32.
Last time my Aunty visited (from Australia)
She showed me a ring she was wearing and said “remember this it was your mums”
It was my mums wedding ring from my dad,it’s not worth anything but just sentimental.
Aibu to think that ring should have been mine?
It’s too late to say anything now but it makes me sad.
As soon as I seen the ring it brought memories of my mum flooding back.
Obviously I was 14 and didn’t even think about the ring,not that I got the chance as my Aunt went through her belongings.

OP posts:

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 26/02/2018 15:05

You could ask if she can leave it to you in her will, why would she object to that? Might not be the same as having it now, but betterthan nothing.

Trinity66 · 26/02/2018 15:05

You should speak to your aunt and say that you really feel like your mothers wedding ring should be with you

HouseworkIsASin10 · 26/02/2018 15:08

This is so sad. I don't think the ring will make any difference to the fact that you miss your mum. I do think you maybe need some bereavement counselling which may help however long ago it happened.

Pyxie · 26/02/2018 15:10

My mum also passed away when I was 14. Before she died she went through her jewellery box with me and told me which things to keep back for my much younger sister to give to her when she was older. I would have been so upset if anyone other than me or my siblings had taken anything of such sentimental value. 14 definitely wasn't too young to have/want/need a ring of your mum's. Could you maybe write an email or letter to your Aunt asking to make sure it finds its way to you in the future?

billybagpuss · 26/02/2018 15:10

Yes it should be yours, I understand its difficult but I do think you should ask for it - good luck

Notasunnybunny · 26/02/2018 15:11

I would write to your aunt and say you had always wondered if there were any sentimental items of jewellery and you would love to have the ring one day and would your aunt be kind enough to leave this to you in her will as others might not realise it’s sentimental value and it might otherwise end up being part of a house clearance. This is fair and doesn’t sound grabby.

Nikephorus · 26/02/2018 15:14

If you have the relationship with your aunt that allows it, maybe ask her why you were excluded from the practicalities of the aftermath
Probably because she was only 14 and they were trying to make it easier for her! Maybe they got it wrong slightly and should have encouraged her to pick something, but at least they cared enough to sort the practicalities.

HamishBamish · 26/02/2018 15:14

Yes, I do think the ring should have been given to you as her daughter. I'm amazed that your aunt hasn't already given it to you. I can understand her keeping hold of it as you were very young when your mum died, but it should absolutely be yours now you are older.

I would ask her for it. I can't think of any reason she could give why you shouldn't have it.

Twocatsonebaby · 26/02/2018 15:15

No of course not. I'm pretty pissed that when DP's mom died when he was in his teens, everything should have gone to him. Maybe a sentiment of his mom's to his gran also. But she gave it away to people who looked after her. It includes rings etc.
It pisses me off now cause I'm sentimental and I could have put one of her rings up for dd when she's older. She won't have met her. But she has something of hers to look at and think about her.
Dp has nothing of his mom's and she was all he had. It winds me up.

My brother committed suicide and ages ago he gave me one of his guitars. it was agreed at the time that dp was also have one with my mom's permission.
But the one my brother gave to me was worth thousands and my dad took it from me. Not to mention my dad is still trying to grab his guitars from my mom to give to his friends. Ridiculous.

I think possessions should stay in close knit of the deceased. A sister is a close knit but you're closer that a sister. It affects you more than her that you've lost your mom. Is there anyway you could get it back? :(

dreamingalwaysdreaming · 26/02/2018 15:16

i always try and think about this from the other side - you were 14, I expect that they might have thought they were protecting you. In the last 20 years there has been a move towards telling children age appropriate versions of the truth but this is relatively recent.

I can see my DM and DGM telling us as little as possible in these circumstances - probably somehow thought you'd be less distressed.

I understand why you're angry though - these feelings are exactly why things have changed and these days I expect it'd be handled differently.

TemptressofWaikiki · 26/02/2018 15:19

So sorry OP. That ring morally and legally belongs to you. I'd probably be tempted to take it back if an opportunity presented itself. And I know that isn't a very mature or sensible thing to do. But she stole it of you.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 26/02/2018 15:19

I would say to her nicely that it would mean a lot to you, if she would leave it to you in her will.
She surely couldn't object to that, and IMO you would have more right to it than anyone else.

vespertillio · 26/02/2018 15:21

I can understand you feeling upset about this, it might be best to write to your aunt and just say you have nothing to physically remind you of your mum, and seeing her wedding ring made you think of her and how much it would mean to you to have mementoes of her, so you wonder if there's anything that belonged to her that your aunt might be keeping for you or would be happy for you to have.

Missingstreetlife · 26/02/2018 15:21

Ask auntie to leave to you in her will

BrendasUmbrella · 26/02/2018 15:22

Write to your aunt, we can help you with the wording if you like. Tell her you've thought a lot about your Mum's ring since you last saw her, and would she consider leaving it to you in her will?

It may prompt her to ask if you would like it?

3luckystars · 26/02/2018 15:24

I think its very sad. I would definitely get in touch with your aunt and tell her how happy you were to see the ring and ask her if she would leave the ring to you in her will as it means so much to you.

At least it will make its way back to you eventually. Do say something. I know its not easy but its definitely worth talking about.

Quaza · 26/02/2018 15:35

I think you can politely ask for it back and that if she doesn’t want to part with it that maybe she could leave it to you in her will.

It wouldn’t do any harm to say that you don’t have anything sentimental to remember your mother by.

Clawdy · 26/02/2018 15:41

Has your aunt got children she might pass it onto? That would be so unfair.

Iloveacurry · 26/02/2018 15:48

It was not right she took the ring. It should of gone to you!

YearOfYouRemember · 26/02/2018 15:49

You have nothing to lose by writing to your aunt and saying you felt very emotional when you saw her wearing your mother's ring and would love to have it as a special and sentimental reminder of your mum. Maybe put it would help you feel closer to her.

If she doesn't do the decent thing you know where you stand.

Namechangetempissue · 26/02/2018 15:51

Like a PP, I too would ask her to please leave it to me in her will as it means so much to you. Hopefully this will trigger thoughts of her giving it to you earlier (wouldn't count on it though!).

Viviennemary · 26/02/2018 15:51

I think that is quite cheeky of your aunt taking the ring unless your Mum specifically wished her to have it. She should return it immediately. I would get a solicitor to send her a letter if she doesn't. But you were only 14 at the time. Your Gran should have stepped in but she obviously can't do anything now.

JoJoSM2 · 26/02/2018 15:52

I've got a will and my ring will go to my sister. Your auntie would have been very close to your mum too and clearly treats the ring as a special thing she still wears so many years on. I don't think it's fair to begrudge her the ring but you can definitely ask if she could pass it on to you in her will to give it to you when she's not too fussed to wear if any more (not like that would actually happen, though).

HollyBayTree · 26/02/2018 15:56

Op - does your Dad have an opinion?

Lucked · 26/02/2018 15:56

Does she have any children, if she won’t give it to you now then you need to make sure it comes to you when she dies

I know you are certain that she will say no but I think you have ask.

Was there an executor of the estate?

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