DD allergic to cats, ex won’t put cat out

[AngelL7]

I don’t know where to turn, I was hoping that anyone could offer advice or if anyone encountered similar.

My DD is 6, she has severe asthma & eczema. She has started to come back from ex’s house with swollen eyes, oozing puss and wheezing. The first time she was delivered back to me like this ex pretended he could not see her eyes were swollen and making out I was being over dramatic (literally the size of golf balls & crusting over with green puss)

DD was able to identify herself that it was after coming into contact with said cat and told me that my ex had been giving her antihistamines to try & remedy this (I was never made aware she was given medicine or suffering from allergies when down there, but it comes to light this had been happening for over a year) Had to take her to GP for creams, drops & antihistamines. GP confirmed that it was allergies and advised to avoid contact with cats.

I politely told ex this and gp advised avoid contact with cats. He said he had now put cat outside & completely scrubbed house down. I also pointed out it was his responsibility to inform me of any medication given while in his care to avoid overdoses etc ...he told me he wasn’t obligated to tell me that because he asked a pharmacist and the pharmacist said it would be out of his system in 5 hours so it would be irrelevant because it would be more or less out of DD’s system by the time I got her back 😳🙄

So anyway after the next visit my DD is delivered to me in similar fashion as well as drowsy from antihistamines. Turns out cat was in the whole time so ex lied to me.

Again I asked ex to keep cat away, explaining my fears about asthma. It got heated and he said the pharmacist didn’t think DD is allergic to the cat at all and GP doesn’t know what they are talking about.

This now happens everytime DD come back to me, covered in hives, sore eyes and now today a really bad chest. It’s getting worse and I’m so afraid of a bad asthma attack. Antihistamines obviously aren’t working. I have begged & pleaded with ex but he won’t have it.

Desperate i spoke to my solicitor (we had a very bitter divorce but had been getting on much better of recent) and she advised to try and get a gp letter to confirm she has an allergy to cats which she would pass on to his solicitor if I really couldn’t get through to him. I’ve exhasuted all options I think. I went to GP but got different one - he wouldn’t give me a letter because I should be able to talk to ex husband with out it & he wouldn’t be getting involved. Although he confirmed that DD has an allergy to cat. (If I could get ex to understand I wouldn’t be in asking for a letter in the first place 🙄)

Solicitor said a court would take a dim view that we couldn’t sort out ourselves (and I agree) but if he won’t play ball what Can I do?

I’m at my wits end and exasperated - how can he put a bloody cat over DC’s health? AIBU?

Ffs - not how it works!

Asthma is a life threatening condition he's not just risking her health but her life.

Like hell would my dd be going in that situation - I'd DARE him to take me to court over it.

Like others say - doesn't matter even if he puts the cat out. My eldest also has asthma and a cat allergy, and he's like a sensor - can walk into the hallway of a house with cats and start sneezing.
So sorry to hear that your poor DD is caught in the crossfire here, and def keep the specialist appointment if you have one, those waiting lists are usually incredibly long.

fourfucks - or she won't. She might stay the same or get worse. I lived in the house with the rabbit and got worse and worse til it damn near killed me. And I'm every bit as allergic 45 years later.

Get a life, the more your dd spends at the evil exh house, she will build up a resistance to pet fur

Are you a doctor? Have you any qualifications to tell someone with an asthmatic child who is allergic to cat hair that they will 'build up a resistance' to it - rather than perhaps have a severe asthma attack and die?

People with severe allergies don't 'build up resistance' to things they are allergic to. They tend to become hypersensitive and go into anaphylactic shock.

four
that's a myth.
a very dangerous one.
living with allergic reactions is at best miserable, deadly dangerous at worst.

PLEASE go and get your child allergy tested so you can KNOW with absolute and total conviction that you cannot send her to ex's house due to clear and present danger to her health.

With respect please stop biting your nails about "how it will look" to courts/his solicitor/whoever and act swiftly to prevent her health deteriorating.

I am severely allergic to cats. My DM refused to give up cats when I was little. So bad was my allergy that every time I got a cold i'd end up in hospital and then off school for a fortnight. It was a miracle I passed the 11+. So ignore any "resistance" bollocks. Allergies are dangerous. Fact.

Thanks ladies, this is so stressful. And I’m being made out to be bat shit crazy / shit stirrer / form of parental alienation.

I think I will have to make a specialist appointment. I will take her privately for speed - what is the proper name of the type of consultant i’d Need to see.

Four it doesn't work like that. When the op's dd gets a potentially fatal Asthma attack she can tell the doctor that some fool on the internet said it was okay for her to be around a cat because her dd could somehow get over a potentially life threatening allergy.
OP this is really serious I would suggest sending your fucking idiot of an exh some information on how asthma kills particular where contact with animals is concerned, maybe that would get through to him. 3 people a day die in the UK from asthma (usually as a result of attacks which can be triggered by allergic reactions).
www.asthma.org.uk/about/media/facts-and-statistics/

"tbh I would try to see a gp for an allergy test.
and stop dc going there."

Definitely do this. It is a simple blood test. DD (17) had a blood test for general allergies recently and she had a lovely letter from the GP telling her that the proteins reacting to cat hairs were off the scale.

Armed with such a letter you would be perfectly within your rights to not allow your daughter to stay with her father.

Stop contact immediately. I am allergic to cats and each time I'm in a house with one my reaction gets slightly worse than the previous time. Don't risk it. Let him take you to court and seek advice from an allergy specialist in the mean time

op you need a gp with allergy interest.
if you are near london, the portland and great ormond street are great. slternatively call bupa or nuffield (big private chains)
or google your postcode + paediatric allergy testing.

I agree putting the cat out is no good. I’m allergic to cats and dogs and I can tell that as soon as I walk into a house with one (even if it’s not present) I KNOW one lives there. I can smell/sense them.

If he wants contact he gets rid. I haven’t read the full thread but if there is no court order in place to breach, tell him no contact until the cat is gone.

Document all discussions, including with the useless GP and just wait til he complies or goes to court. Contact needs to be in the best interests of the child and if it’s causing her to be ill then it’s not is it?

He’s an idiot. I can’t believe he’s putting a fucking animal before his own daughter. I remember this as a child with other relatives. Oh no it won’t be snuggles the cat making her I’ll. It fucking is!!

Glad you are going to see a specialist, and privately you should have confirmation pretty quickly. As soon as you have absolute props stop contact immediately.

Keep taking pictures. The more exposure to an allergen, the more antibodies you can build up, potentially meaning the reaction can become more serious with each exposure.

They tend to be dermatologists who double up as allergen specialists

Hope you get the allergy test and stop your evil ex from further endangering his daughter's life.

Does it matter what causes the wheezing etc? Being at the ex's house is dangerous for her.

If you are still sending your DD there, get pictures and video of her, before and after, then don't send her again.

four it’s moronic comments from people like you that had me isolated and fearing I was not in fact doing best for my dc when I was told isolation from illness was the only way he would stay alive- because idiots like you think people can outgrow immune system diseases and by being exposed to more will in fact not kill them at all, but in fact help them.
You make it sound like it’s in the ops head or that she’s overreacting- it’s neither. You want to risk your child’s life, that’s on you, but the people with actual experience and knowledge in this area will carry on with the actual advice and not giving mindless pointless comments. Fucking idiot

Sorry op. As you can tell I had similar stuff with my dc. I hope you’re able to get your dd seen fast and stop visits until results are back and she is able to fully be protected from this idiot of a man she has to call her father

Have you taken any pictures of the hives and her eyes when she comes home? If not you should as these accompanied by allergy confirmation will be sufficient evidence for court. If you can get an appointment soon I’d be tempted to continue contact documenting via photo then stop when have letter

Whereabouts in the country are you? You need a paediatric allergist or failing that an immunologist. Anyone who can do skin prick testing and will see children.
Ring their Secretary first to make sure they are able to do the testing.

I wouldn't let her go. I have cat allergies which are horrendous! My eyes itch I sneeze and I can't breathe I have to take strong antihistamines and have an inhaler. I am awful at my mil house she has one cat and it's not usually around but I still react!

How can he believe it's not the cat?

Wtf does he think is causing it?

For someone who's allergic to something, each contact with the allergen exacerbates the reaction, making the allergy more sensitive to the allergen.

Less and less of the allergen is then required to provoke a response which becomes more extreme each time.

Whatever she's allergic to, it's at the ExH's place.

Proper allergy testing is required.

Stop contact until the cat is rehomed. It’s sad but she cannot be exposed to this.

You need to deal with this with the help of your solicitor. Stopping contact is likely to cause you huge legal problems. Insisting contact takes place in a contact centre or at a cat-free location would probably be much safer.