Didn't send Christmas cards last year , family members not happy.

[butterfly198615]

AIBU ? To explain to the family members , why we didn't send xmas cards this year or to post a status on facebook so most people can see it. Or just not bother at all.
It's just really annoyed me.

My husband has been told that certain members of his family are not happy they didn't receive a Xmas card off us this Christmas just gone.

My husband had an operation the middle of December and it went wrong and he nearly died and was in ICU. He came out ok but recovery was hard and he couldn't work etc. The said family members didn't come to visit him once in the hospital ,one family member works in the hospital and the other lives across the road from the hospital. No one phoned him to see how he was etc they knew what had happened as I told them . When my husband got out of hospital he went round the people who didn't come to see him to show he was out of hospital and on the mend.
Anyways as my husband wasn't working money was a bit tight and we barely managed to have a good Christmas with our children as it was so close to Christmas this all happened and we weren't in the Xmas spirit,so to speak ,but tried to make it good for our children.
I just think that to be petty over a Christmas card when their son nearly died is appalling.

I don't mean to sound harsh but sending Christmas cards out was the last thing on our minds. And most family members understud about our situation so weren't offended.

It wouldn't be a horrible status , just apologising and explaining why we didn't send out Xmas cards last year and that we are hoping for a better year this year, as last year was full of ups and downs.

I didn't send any either. I couldn't be arsed. And I agree with the others, OP - ignore the whole bunch of them.

Mybrilliant yep one relative works in the hospital they visited me after I had our children, they all came but not one showed up when their son almost died. The mind boggles . All they said when my husband went to see them was 'I don't know what to say '.
I was thinking how about a hug or 'I'm glad you are ok' at least show some emotion.
The rest of the family were sick with worry.

If they are moaning behind your back then I would send a direct message explaining why they didn’t get Christmas cards and also mentioning as they didn’t visit you assumed that you weren’t a priority to them.

No apologies. Nonpussyfotting around. Can’t be doing with the pettiness of people.

My mother was in hospital over Christmas and sadly died at the beginning of January. When I had to phone and tell people the news, I was quite flabbergasted how many people mentioned that they'd noticed that she hadn't sent Christmas cards this year. I really couldn't tell you who sends one to us and I would definitely not have noticed if one was missing.

Once I'd got over being flabbergasted, I became quite annoyed that none of them had picked up the phone to see if she was OK. Um - no - she very much wasn't .

Anyway - you were totally justified in not sending any Christmas cards and people who are giving you grief should be ashamed of themselves. Don't apologise. You have absolutely nothing to apologise for. I hope things are looking up for you and your husband.

Only send them if you want to send them, and if it is to your dh’s side, then it is up to him. You don’t need to justify your decision, just like they don’t need to justify theirs. I hate people who judge on minutiae and impose critical wifework standards.

(I speak as someone who gave up sending thank you cards for frequent unwanted gifts from a relative by marriage...when I visited their house they had stuck about ten thank you cards written by my lovely sister in law up in full view, I laughed at the pettiness - always made an effort to say thank you, but won’t be bullied into it).

Fuck this shit.

You are not obliged to send cards.

Even more so when your DH was in hospital.

Don't put a FB status up about Christmas cards at the end of February, you'll look a loon! The time to do that was at Christmas or New Year!

Just speak to them directly.

I like what Bodicea has said. Beat them at their own game.

It was my MIL who spoke to my husband today and told him. He had told her in the hospital that it upset him that no one from that side of the family had phoned or text him let alone come to see him.
I was thinking she didn't have to say anything to my husband as she knew it would cause stress as he's the type of person it will grate on and he will feel guilty to upset these family members. I'm just annoyed for him I guess.

I didn't send any, only to my parents and parent in law. To me they are pointless, I don't see these people in the year so why should I bother? I felt like that about presents for people I never see and have no clue to as what they'd even like. I can't wait to be abroad for next Christmas. Oh it's so easy when you're 100s of miles away. Bliss.....

I am glad your DH recovered well from his surgery.

His family members are being dickheads. They wouldn't be getting any further Christmas cards from me. Not that I bother sending the things anyway, except to my parents and sister, who we don't see.

Achickencalledkorma.

I'm so sorry you lost your mum

Why should you be responsible for sorting the xmas cards? Why was it up to you to get them done earlier and not your husband?

If they are moaning behind your back then I would send a direct message explaining why they didn’t get Christmas cards and also mentioning as they didn’t visit you assumed that you weren’t a priority to them.

No apologies. No pussy footing around. Can’t be doing with the pettiness of people.

This. ^

OP, your extended family sound like a bunch of entitled twats. They must lead blessed lives if they are still carping on about you not sending a Christmas card after 2 months! FFS, God help them when they have a REAL problem!

I have a few extended family members like this........ I see them rarely - by choice....(Maybe twice a year!) Fucking idiots. They make a song and a dance out of me not sending a birthday card to their 5th of 7 children. When they never send cards to me and my family - EVER.

they sound like arseholes, is this a lucky break in that you can now go NC with them?!

If you were a relative of mine I'd just be so glad that your husband had survived and was now improving.

Ignore these ridiculous people. They are causing trouble for no reason. You've done nothing wrong.

I hope things improve for you all from now on in. And that you remember who has been unpleasant over this and make sure not to send them a card ever again.

Leave it. Their problem.

Any nonsense you reply with ‘well good grief of course we didn’t send cards - DH was critically ill in hospital, everyone was worried sick, otvwas the last thing on our minds, what an odd thing to go on about!
A visit would have been nice’

Loons.

Thanks butterfly.

I would also MIL why she felt she needed to shit stir. What is trying to achieve???? Make herself look better, diss in her relatives, play the matriarch?

I would find her behaviour more upsetting than the extended family tbh!

I'd just leave it alone. Whoever is moaning (ILs?) should have better thing to do then make a drama out of something at this late stage. Whatever you do, DON'T apologise. You have nothing to apologise for. Why not send out Happy Easter cards this year instead?

I don't send Christmas cards. I don't have a reason for it apart from teh fact I think it's a waste of money, resources and my time. I don't care if people are offended by it. Every year people send fewer cards.

Oh, fuck em. They're great steaming hypocrites and they clearly have no life if they worry about stuff like this. In February.

Those here suggesting the OP could have organised Xmas cards earlier, please sod off.

Dear A and B,
I’m sorry to hear you’ve been complaining to relatives about our lack of manners in sending you Christmas cards. I do believe there has been an immense misunderstanding on your part.
You see, we are actually responding to your appalling rudeness. Specifically, when you chose to ignore sending DH any well-wishes be in in form of a phone call, visit or (ironically) by sending a get-well card. I must say your appalling lack of concern when DH almost died has been indeed raising quite a few eyebrows amongst us and we continue to await your apology.

Ignore them. And never, ever send them a Christmas card in future.

You know what - in this situation I would see red I'm afraid and I would have to deliver a few home truths. Essentially this: "Your son nearly died in hospital, you didn't even bother to visit him, and you have the damn cheek to be annoyed about us not sending out Christmas cards when we were going through this awful time? How dare you - you should be apologising to US!"

That is what I would respond with, in a nutshell. It's all very well being dignified and mature about it, but actually some people just need telling off.