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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be feeling awkard

147 replies

mpeters82 · 24/02/2018 18:54

Hi,

I much happier in my life that I no longer chat to a friend that knew from childhood. (Let me call her Sarah).We were very close like sister. A situation happened and caused her to be horrible to the point I tried to be there for her as no longer live nearby. By calling, texting but got ignored. I feel better not to be hearing her situation. Although it sad what happened just no reason be like this towards me.

Through this situation I got closer to one Sarah's friend.( I call her Gina)
Then this was when I realized Sarah was starting to distance herself. Also Sarah and Gina fell out too.

Cut long story short is Sarah has another friend let (me call her Carly). I met Carly through Gina but had heard of Carly a lot from Sarah too but we never until now.

I now am in situation where I chat to Carly who speaks to Sarah and tell me about issues she has with her. Also Gina says stuff too.
But then I think how do you think feel.

Saying I don't mind listening but I get angry how I am hearing of Sarah acting innocent and treating this ladies like this.

One day I did have a go Sarah on the phone totally went mad. Then we text and she said I was being used. Think when it came to Gina.
Then Sarah sister made a comment that I might have only stopped talking to her because of Gina. Which that was not the case.
We all got our own issues with Sarah.

Do I just listen to these two? I said something to Gina I am not wasting my time on Sarah. Carly just about talks to her but she is knows now I met Carly through Gina.

I feel like I need to say something to Sarah family when I see them to make it clear that it's not Gina or anybody why we don't talk. Sarah does not text and she does not care about me at all. So why should I now. I am happy I don't see her though. That is funny thing. We as friends were never open and honest me and Sarah. Until situation happened. I felt I was used in this.

So much has happened.

OP posts:
PointlessUsername · 25/02/2018 00:50

Are carly & Gina still friends with Sarah?

Snowysky20009 · 25/02/2018 01:06

What the beeswax? I did not understand a sentence of this. If my children were still in primary school they would be handed this back and asked to rewrite it. Complete with full sentences, grammar, punctuation and spelling.

Or maybe I've had to much wine 🤔 Nope ds18 can't understand it either, it's not the wine.

covertoperation · 25/02/2018 01:07

Totally lost
Can anyone summarise please?

BlueLightPanda · 25/02/2018 01:14

OP if i were you i would distance myself from all of them, and keep it a ‘Hi / bye’ situation with Gina and Carly.

SlummyMummy1974 · 25/02/2018 01:16

OP, we don’t know all the details so can’t give you specific advice. However what I can say is that if you guys don’t like Sarah then just move on and stay out of her friendshsip and family circles. Gina and Carly clearly like bitching about Sarah and whether it is deserved or not, it seems like playground bullying to me, and I don’t just mean kids, I mean mums at the school gate too. It sounds like maybe you should distance yourself from everyone involved if it’s causing you this much stress, and maybe try making some new friends in new circles and leave these stressful relationships behind. That’s the only advice I can give you based on what you have told us.

To some of the other ladies on the thread, some of your comments are quite amusing, but some - clearly this ladies first language isn’t English or she is not literate enough to get across what she means. Since when did it become OK to rip a person to shreds simply because she is foreign or has a not so high IQ?! (No offence meant OP!). Banters one thing but this is not banter. If you can be one thing in life, be kind.

CircleofWillis · 25/02/2018 01:24

Tell Gina and Carly not to talk about Sarah when you are with them. If they can’t manage this I would distance myself if I were you.

I had a similar situation which sounded like it belonged on the playground and we are all in our forties and fifties. So I can definitely believe this thread.

It is horrible to be accused of things you have not done but sometimes you just have to ignore and accept that that friendship has gone.

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/02/2018 04:03

I am sorry you’ve been treated on this thread because of your English. Some of what you said was difficult to follow.

I think you should take the same attitude to Sarah’s family as you’ve taken with some of the unkind posters here ie laugh at the absurdity of what she is saying and ignore/ brush off any comments. Her sister is never going to take your side unless she herself is treated badly by Sarah or if she already is, until she acknowledges what sarah is like. It is not your job to tell her what Sarah is like.

It is difficult to see your children not have contact with friends they got on so well. I have the same situation with my siblings child. In the end I had to cut my brother and sil off because they were nasty to me and my dd and my brother is violent to me. My dd will not know her cousin and that did hurt her for a long time. But she will be safe and protected.

DottyS · 25/02/2018 06:26

Casual racists that rich considering you do not know me or my circumstances.

It is not the level of English that the OP is using - it is how she is using the level of English she has. To write in a coherent manner does not require perfectly grammatically written sentences but the flow of words does need to make sense.

It does not help when the OP has a pop for us for not understanding her. If English is not her first language then she maybe best to find a forum that does suit her.

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/02/2018 06:29

Dotty
None of that is a defence.

DottyS · 25/02/2018 06:32

A defence of what?

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/02/2018 06:39

Of the unkind things said to the op.

SparklyMagpie · 25/02/2018 06:45

It sounds like you all just need to move on Confused bloody hell

LucreziaBoredYa · 25/02/2018 06:54

*#teamsarah

<strong> <img loading="lazy" class="inline-flex mumsnet-emoji" alt="Grin" src="https://www.mumsnet.com/build/assets/grin-D7Eg_B6y.png"></strong>.*
Lanaa · 25/02/2018 07:00

@DottyS You can't deny being a casual racist and then in the next breath effectively tell the OP to stop posting here and find a forum for her own kind. Oh dear.

OP your friends sound dramatic. It's not healthy. If you have told them how you feel and they still persist in talking about Sarah, then you should just cut them off.

HoppingPavlova · 25/02/2018 07:08

None of it is to do with OPs English, it’s very obviously English as a second language. It’s the fact that this is the sort of ‘dilemma’ you would expect from a 14yo girl. At first that’s what I assumed it was - a 14yo with English as the second language. Then she said they have children. That’s when it got weird. Then they start having a go at everyone else calling them immature not realising the irony. Then continues on and on making this out to be a serious drama and insinuating the forum is not one where others have serious problems (like hers). It’s a forum where people get assistance/advice re unwanted pregnancy, sexual assault, relationship issues, health issues including children’s disabilities, lighthearted stuff about CF’s, parents parking, morons on public transport etc. Yet the issue lies with everyone else not appreciating the importance of a drama between supposed grown-ups named Susan and Paula.....or something.

SpringEquinox · 25/02/2018 07:10

Nobody is being unkind to the OP but she has asked our opinion about something that she has either failed to express clearly or the matter really is as trivial and juvenile as she describes. Being a second language has nothing to do with it - she wrote the opening post at length, with helpful use of aliases to distinguish between the various actors in this mini drama, but it is an understandable reaction from everyone to be baffled as to what reaction the OP wants.

DottyS · 25/02/2018 07:12

Lanaa I did not tell the OP to find a forum for her own kind. Please do not put words into my mouth. What I said was the OP might find it easier to find a forum in her own first language. As I occasionally do as English is not my first language.

bluebells1 · 25/02/2018 07:25

OMG The replies on this thread 😂😂😂

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/02/2018 07:28

Dotty
English isn’t your first language, so you perhaps do not fully understand the meaning of your last sentence. In the context of your post, it does appear you are implying op should get off the site. I find it particularly ironic that a non native speaker is failing to understand that sentence flow is also a grammatical issue.

supersop60 · 25/02/2018 07:32

OP - you keep missing words out, so that makes your posts hard to read.

I agree with PP - if you no longer speak to Sarah, and you are ok with that, then let it go. If the other two start talking about her, don't join in.

Sometimes friendships end as life moves on.

outofmydepth45 · 25/02/2018 07:49

So, you fell out with Sarah so made friends with two of her friends. And now the three of you exclude Sarah so you can sit and 'discuss her' . Wow not nice OP go find your own friends and move on.

user1490607838 · 25/02/2018 08:00

No-one has an issue with the OP not being not British; it's her whole demeanour and attitude. She is rude and demeaning towards others, and is insulting people, and mocking and berating. In addition, she is implying her 'problem' is worse than any others on here, and saying other peoples issues are trivial.

She is obnoxious and rude, and very childish for a woman hurtling towards 40, and THAT is why she is getting a hard time. It is NOT because she is not British, and the posters suggesting she goes to another forum are saying it because they think it may be easier for her to communicate with people who speak the same language as her.

I am certainly seeing no 'racism' so quit the precious snowflakery.

user1490607838 · 25/02/2018 08:01

No-one has an issue with the OP not being not British; it's her whole demeanour and attitude. She is rude and demeaning towards others, and is insulting people, and mocking and berating. In addition, she is implying her 'problem' is worse than any others on here, and saying other peoples issues are trivial.

She is obnoxious and rude, and very childish for a woman hurtling towards 40, and THAT is why she is getting a hard time. It is NOT because she is not British, and the posters suggesting she goes to another forum are saying it because they think it may be easier for her to communicate with people who speak the same language as her.

I am certainly seeing no 'racism' so quit the precious snowflakery.

user1490607838 · 25/02/2018 08:14

Not sure why that posted twice!

Summercat · 25/02/2018 08:31

@LolaTheDarkDestroyer

I'm reading your posts in my head as the voice of Helena off orphan black

😂

OMG the best clone of the lot! I LOVE Helena. Grin

To be feeling awkard