My mum refusing to talk to me because she lost my son

[FindingEmo]

I've gone to visit my parents this week (although they only live 30 mins away but our house is being renovated so they thought it might be nice).. We are staying in their spare room. I have 3 ds aged 4, 2 & 6months. My dh had to head home today as he has to work tomorrow. My dad likes things orderly and with 3 young children around things have been a bit chaotic. Anyway my dm said she would take 2 older dc to the park to burn off some energy, there's a footpath that runs along side it then up over a hill so df said he'd walk with them and the take the dogs over the hill. When they reached the park ds1 (4) tried to carry on with df. He followed quite far until df said no go back to your nan. He the went off on his walk. Ds didn't go back to his nan he waited for a bit then tried to follow df. Apparently ds was 'missing' for about 20 mins until dm found him. She bought him back to her house in tears, refused to tell me what happened and went to bed. I finally got the story out of her but she's refused to come downstairs. I'm now cooking tea and trying to juggle 3 tired dc as DF is still out. I feel like I'm being punished for my parents losing my son. (for balance I normally get on really well with my parents, I speak to them most days, always go to them for advise, they baby sit a lot for us etc). AIBU to be pissed off.

[OldBlueStitches]

What was your reaction to her when she came back?

And definitely not her fault, but I'm betting she's not over the shock - totally traumatised. Show her some compassion. If she still behaves oddly tomorrow then deal with that by leaving or whatever. But at the moment her nerves are probably all over the place.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Sorry OP but you don't sound as if you have the slightest bit of empathy. You're a mother yourself and you know that it's a terribly upsetting thing to think you've lost one of your children, even if it's for a few minutes only.

But it's all about YOU. Yes, do go home, your mother shouldn't have to put up with your judgement. Poor woman. I wouldn't be talking to you either.

[InsomniacAnonymous]

Apologise for what RadioGaGoo?

[tinytoucan]

Make her a cup of tea and give her a cuddle. She’s had a horrible shock.

[RadioGaGoo]

TBH Insomniac, I don't think the OP has anything to apologise for, but I probably would have said sorry, this has obviously been too much for you both, we will go in the morning. Then give some real consideration as to whether I would accept any invitations to stay over again.

[shakeyourcaboose]

Am totally befuddled as to need for OP to apologise!

[abilockhart]

I'm now cooking tea and trying to juggle 3 tired dc as DF is still out. I feel like I'm being punished for my parents losing my son.

Why do you consider it a punishment? All three are your children.

It seems that the OP as well as the OP's dad just seem to dump responsibility on her mum.

[SharonBottsPoundOfGrapes]

Why are people being so snippy towards the op? I don't get it.

[Butterymuffin]

That was your dad's fault. Where is he now and why isn't he helping you with the kids / tea? I'd be directing your anger at him.

[frasier]

This will probably change the relationship your Ps, or at least your mother, has with you and your children. I can't imagine that she would want to take them anywhere anytime soon after having such a fright.

[PositiveVibes18]

She's not acting like it's your fault. She's had a freaking shock. How about you go and give your mum a hug and ask her if she is ok.

[Passmethecrisps]

Is DF still out on his walk? How are the full details known if DF hasn’t actually returned to explain what happened?

I agree however that the OP is in no way to blame and posters getting shirty with her and not being fair

My DF would do something like this I reckon. He goes off on long walks like he is awfully virtuous when actually what he is doing is avoiding any responsibility and leaving my Mum to everything. My mum is also prone to dishing out the silent treatment which, whatever its cause, feels like punishment so I get the op here as well.

I hope the silence from Op is because she has had a lovely and calm bedtime and a chance to talk properly to her parents

[RadioGaGoo]

I can't imagine the OP wanting her parents to take the DC anytime soon fraiser.

[Lumbricina]

When my DS was once lost it made me physically ill. After he was found I had a terrible headache, dizziness, sickness and I had to go and lie down, I literally couldn't stand up.

For twenty minutes your mum will have been running around, absolutely frantic, imagining the worst of everything that could happen. I'm not surprised she's gone to bed. Why would you think that she's punishing you?

[Passmethecrisps]

Sorry to pop back but have othe rposters ever been given the silent treatment. Refusing to talk. Obviously upset but refusing to say what is wrong. Taking herself off to bed when she would normally be up? That feels like you are being punished if you are the one on the other side of it no matter what the reason is for the behaviour.

[Lovemusic33]

She’s obviously really upset about what happened. I lost dd when she was 3, she disappeared in a shop and I thought someone had taken her, she was only gone for ten minutes but it was the worst ten minutes of my life, she had snuck into the back room in the shop thank god. It took me a while to get over it, I felt like a shit mother but these things happen.

Go and give your mum a hug and tell her your not angry with her, these things happen, she obviously feels bad and guilty.

[shakeyourcaboose]

I'm not getting the snippiness to the OP and why she needs to be making cups of tea for someone who comes home in (understandable) hysterics but refuses to say why and shuts themselves away!

[Pastaagain78]

If she does seem angry at you it is probably the shock. When we have been absolutely terrified we are angry at everything. She may be irrationally angry at you for even being there so this happened. Be kind, she needs to know no harm happened and you are all ok. She must be so upset.

[WilburIsSomePig]

your son was very naughty.

FFS. He's FOUR.

[Slartybartfast]

she might be in her bedroom crying op.

[Awwlookatmybabyspider]

I'm with Shake. Not one of us (AFAIK) have asked op. How she is. She's had a bloody shock, too. ((((((())))))).

[Awwlookatmybabyspider]

İ don't get why op has got to apologise.
Yes we're mostly all in agreement that's it's not the nans fault. However it's most certainly not ops fault, either. Why has she got to dole out apologies.

[aaarrrggghhhh]

Perplexed that OP is getting all this grief and she should be comforting her mother?

WTF. She trusted her FOUR year old to her parents and lost him! And OP is meant to be comforting the mother for the trauma of losing him??

Its not just the GRs fault is it? GF and GM should have clearly communicated who was in charge of GS (who is FOUR years old I repeat).

If you have an overall good relationship try not t overreact. But this is definitely worth an all parties frank discussion about the responsibilities of child care. If GPs can't do it totally fine - but then they shouldn't. The OP shouldn't be required to rush to them with cups of tea when they fuck up big time.

[honeyroar]

Your mum is probably tired out and this was the straw that broke the camel's back. It must have been hard having a load of young children (even grandchildren) in the house for a week, especially with a husband that likes things in order! She probably needs a cry and a bit of time on her own then she'll bounce back, and if you were at home you'd have to cook for all the kids. Glass of wine and a hug for both you and your mum when she comes down, and a "what were you thinking!" to your dad!