Sorry if this becomes long but I have to vent it all out..
I have been with my DP for nearly 4 years and we share a child together who is nearly 2. I also have a elder son who’s 10 with SEN.
My partner works as a self employed taxi driver ( although you would think he was the prime minister the way he behaves )
Ever since our son was born this has been how it is. I care alone for our child with no breaks except a Tuesday for around 4-6 hours. The time of this break happens when he gets up from working his night shift. This means I get a hour alone before I have to collect my other son from school and typically will do something with him until we return home.
Other than the once a week my partner does nothing. He leaves around 2.30pm returning around 4am when we are all sleeping. He will sleep on the sofa ( even though I’ve brough up to him I don’t mind if he comes to bed ) and when I bring the children down in the morning he will go up to bed. When he gets up our child is having his nap and he will not see his father who will typically leave the house within 30 mins to a hour of waking.
On a Sunday we do take our child out together for around 2 hours for a coffee or a bite to eat. This is the only time he sees his father. This is the only time I see my ‘ partner ‘.
I sleep alone, I wake alone, I eat alone, I conduct my days and my evenings alone. I take care of all household things from cleaning to bill paying to appointments to activities and holidays with the kids. I don’t invite him as I know he wouldn’t want to come. He takes one day a week off... but that’s on the Tuesday so I’m out the house and when I come back typically he will fall asleep on the sofa.
Even our sex life is around him and his working hours as like I said I go to bed alone every night.
I don’t feel connected to him at all. We don’t share anything apart from our child and he isn’t around for him. My son can go 2/3 days not seeing his father due to nap times and his work despite living in the same home.
Don’t think I haven’t brough this all up to him a hundred times but nothing ever changes. This last week I have had a rotten cold and not once as he helped me in any extra way.
For example the other day we had run out of milk and gas and I was battling my cold and our son was now coming down and miserable with it. Despite having his own car and being out and about he left the house with a see you later leaving me to do the school run and get what we needed.
Father’s Day, our child’s first birthday, valentines... all was him asleep due to working the previous night and then not being Awake or around to participate in any of it . I know so many men and women who despite working night shift still help their family / are hands on with their children / get up for a few hours before leaving for work.
He does none of this.
I’ve spent years with this person and I’m realising I’m basically alone. 90% of all communication is done through text once he has left the house.
His attitude is ‘ you knew what you was getting yourself in for with me becoming a taxi driver ‘ no actually what he should have said is once I start this job then forget ever seeing me .
There are so many more examples I could give but basically I’m coming to the conclusion that I may as well be alone.
Me and my son don’t benefit from his working hours. I’m not a supported housewife. I’m his partner and our money is Seperate but yes he contributes to the household and expenses for our child.
I am becoming envious of even people laughing. I forget the sound. 😪 how can anything grow between us when we share nothing but a son he hardly Sees.
I never get help with our son. It’s all down to me on top of everything else I do and my older son who I care for.
I don’t see any point to hang on.
We had a bitter row where I told him I didn’t see us as a family due to me providing the family home, running it, giving birth to our son, but him not giving himself to his family our our home life. He told me he has never seen me or our child as ‘ family ‘ either 😵😵😵
I’m not selfish to split this family up am I ?
I can’t live like this anymore