AIBU to ask if my 5yo son is to young to decide dancing is is hobby

[ConfusedWife1234]

My 5yo son is really into music. I have no idea why, because both my dh and me lack any talent, my dh is a good dancer and can sing but he does not really enjoy music.
He is always singing and dancing and when he was 3 he told us he wanted to be a professional contradancer when he grows up.
When he was three I enrolled him in his first dancing class because my cousins daughter went and he asked me to go there too. I thought it was an unusual choice of hobby for a boy but supported it. A year later I enrolled him in early music education (again because he asked me) and now he has asked me to enroll him in another children’s dancing class he heard of.
That would mean that he would spend three afternoons a week with music/dancing.

I wonder if this is a bit much and if he is missing our on things that would other boys his age do.

My boy is by the way much of a tomboy. He enjoys climbing, running and tussling with other boys. Enjoys it a bit too much. The kindergarten teacher has complained to me about him being to much of a tomboy.
So I first thought dancing was good for him, made him less of a tomboy... and it does. I saw him attend in a dance performance. Kindergarden teacher has complained a lot about him having trouble focusing. He was so focussed.

I just wonder if the hobby will make him happy in the long run and if there are not any other skills he should cultivate. I also wonder if other boys will make fun of him for it.

And actually I am not sure if he will grow up to have talent for dancing. There are several reasonably good dancers in booths my husbands family and mine but NO musician and no professional dancer... so what will he do if he one day discovers he has just no talent for dacing and spend so much time with the hobby.

Thanks for reading.

You're overthinking this.

He's 5, if he enjoys dancing let him crack on.

Just because he asks to join another dance club, doesn't mean you have to enrol him though.
Full time pre school and 2 after school clubs is enough. If he has lots of energy and loves physical play, then broaden his horizons with gymnastics or a sport if he's interested.

I repeat, he's 5. I wouldn't take any career aspirations too seriously just yet. All my children have told me they wanted to be professional footballers, a wood cutter, a man that drives diggers and a superhero at around that age.

confused

The World Economic Forum cites creativity as one of the top 3 most important skills for the future workforce:
cvdl.ben.edu/blog/top-skill-2020-creativity/

So, you can both encourage what he loves and build his skills for the future.

The skills and discipline he learns at contradance will stand him in good stead for lots of things later, though, and it's hard to make a 5yo practise something he's not keen on - so I'd let him practise them how he wants to, at least for now.

Just google'd contradance. IMO it's an elaborate strip-the-willow combined with a bit of Scottish dancing

(by Scottish I mean ceilidh rather than solo)

If we're all misunderstanding you and your issue isn't boys dancing, why does your OP keep referencing boys dancing and it being an issue, him being a "tomboy"? I think we've got you pegged and you're ignoring your own true feelings which are seeping out.

:) that sounded a bit officious. All I mean is that I had some of the same worries as you - that DS was focusing too much on a couple of specific things in afterschool clubs - and found this way of thinking about creativity helpful in making the decision.

I don't think 3 sessions a week is excessive if he's really into it, focusing and enjoying it! Much better than being sat on his bum in front of cartoons! When my cousin was little she and my aunt used to get up when it was still dark so she could have a couple of hours of swim training before school every day, and more on the weekends! It was entirely driven by my cousin who personally wanted to reach Olympic standard. As long as your little boy WANTS to do all this support him as much as you are able to afford to!

Have just googled contra dance - had never heard of it.

OP, all you can do is follow what your child wants to do. If he loves dnace and he's good at it, then go for it!

It will do his self esteem good, as well as being good for his fitness, cardiovascular health, making new friends and having fun. If at any time he decides he wants to cut back on dance and do something else, well, he can.

Just had a look and contra dance looks kind of like Scottish country dancing - Dashing White Sargeant, Strip the Willow, that sort of thing? Phenomenally Good fun!! And brilliant exercise , it'll burn off excess energy like nothing else.

If all else fails he can move to Scotland, he'll be in huge demand! We did it every year at high school and it's a blast, and it's a great social skill as well. I would encourage him all the way, it'll serve him very well and he'll not have all that OMG girls!!! angst that comes later on.

I wouldn't worry OP.
If he does both music and dancing there will come a time where he won't be able to keep both up and will need to chose.
They start off with a class here and there but soon the hours of practice needed/ classes attended will be enough to keep him occupied with just one.
My dd made it to 8 before the clashes started and she had to choose.

Doing two afternoon of dance and one of music isn't too much imo. Esp because these are two different dance class (so not trying to push him desperately to be the best iyswim). Plenty of children at that age might go swimming, playing football and the go to Stage Coach for example.
As long as he enjoys it and he still gets some downtime (which he does), I really dint think it’s an issue.

On the other hand he is learning some skills such as listening and concentrating that will help him at school too.

Whether he can become a professional dancer or there are dancers or musicians in the family isnt here nor there tbh. Not at his age.

But I think your issue is about him not being mainstream and struggling to fit.
TBH, I wouldn’t worry about that. He has his own culture and will have a different background that other children anyway, just because of the culture he is brough up in (which is a fantastic thing btw. There is nothing more boring than everyone doing all the same thing)
But if that is worrying you, then ensuing he has plenty of self confidence and is feeling supported in his choices is the best thing you can do.

Fwiw, I have been worried about that too with my own dcs (culture issue plus being nerdy or lacking social skills). So I have took them to some holiday club playing football. They learnt how to play and it gave them something in common with most (all) the boys. And then PLENTY of confidence building stuff. It seems to have worked quite well (they are teens now)

My son and his closest friend (both 6) go to dance for 2 and a half hours a week. For both it has been a calming hobby that has really helped them. They are the only boys in the dance school but both seem to love it and it helps their coordination and discipline. He says it's fun and he loves it.
Never had any issues with him being a boy, although this is his third dance school and found this one a lot more accepting.

My five year old boy dances 3 times a week and loves it. I don't see a problem. I would support him whilst he's into it. He might like something else in a few years or be might go pro! Who knows??

Tbh if we put all ours boys off dance then some dances, especially ballet, will be in trouble in the future.

I think you are worried about your DS being ' different' because perhaps you associate being different as awkward or difficult. I say this because you mention English as not your first language and " our" culture. Also because it reminds me of my own parents who were from a different culture.

I think you worry that boys are harsh on "difference". You would probably have similar worries if your child was a girl.

I think your son sounds great, energetic and a live wire, and really getting stuck into life. Let him get on with his dancing, he's only 5. He will probably be quite different when he's 15!

He'll find his own way with your support.

He's 5 so what he wants to do with his life now is probably far removed from what will actually happen. That said, you're not pushing him, he's asking to do 3 classes. Children often ask for things they cannot have. If you can afford 3 classes and are happy to take him to and from, go for it. If you think 2 classes are all you can afford/want him to do (3 after school activities are a lot for a 5-year old especially if there are other siblings to consider), stick at 2. If you think 3 classes are ok but he should be learning another life skill, like swimming for example, go with that. You're the parent. He's 5. Dancing is great but it's still up to you to decide what he does and when- within reason. I'm not suggesting you send him to Beavers or football when he has absolutely no interest.

Let him get into his groove. Plenty of time for everything else.

My DS started dancing when he was 3. I think mainly because I was taking my DD, he had to come with us and everything his sister did, he wanted to do. He did it for 3 years, the only boy amongst all girls and did a final show where he turned out to be quite the star. He seemed to really enjoy it but at 6, he started to play football with his friends at school and suddenly didn't seem to enjoy so much. We moved town and when I asked him if he wanted me to look for dancing class locally, he said no. He started tennis lessons and then joined a football team.

He is now 15 and the idea of dancing would horrify him. He is a complete different boy, hates performing and didn't enjoy his dancing lessons in secondary school at all.

You never know what will happen. Your boy might be the next dancing star representing his country, or like my boy, totally change his mind!

Naked People from my subculture are actually a minority wherever they are. So I want him to do well in this culture and I want him to do well in other cultures.
I think it is good to raise him to be able to talk to and get along with everybody.... and I do not want hi. To be picked on because children can be so cruel.

Just go with the flow Op. Children chop and change their minds at that age. I will add that boys who show talent in dancing get a lot more opportunities IME. Your ds sounds a lot like my friend's ds at that age. He's now 12 and has appeared in the West End.

Dance is good for boys at any age. One of DD's oldest friends from skating is at Rambert. Physically he's an absolute beast, and he's on rather more money than most of the people he knows.

You can't stop a child doing something because they 'might' get picked on though. If he does get picked on then he can re-assess but it's not for you to make that decision for him. Let him follow his interests.

Let him do what he loves, for goodness sake! If all he wants to do is dance AND if you support him in his hobby he'll weather whatever teasing may happen and carry on. Boys and men can and do dance.