AIBU to ask if my 5yo son is to young to decide dancing is is hobby

[ConfusedWife1234]

My 5yo son is really into music. I have no idea why, because both my dh and me lack any talent, my dh is a good dancer and can sing but he does not really enjoy music.
He is always singing and dancing and when he was 3 he told us he wanted to be a professional contradancer when he grows up.
When he was three I enrolled him in his first dancing class because my cousins daughter went and he asked me to go there too. I thought it was an unusual choice of hobby for a boy but supported it. A year later I enrolled him in early music education (again because he asked me) and now he has asked me to enroll him in another children’s dancing class he heard of.
That would mean that he would spend three afternoons a week with music/dancing.

I wonder if this is a bit much and if he is missing our on things that would other boys his age do.

My boy is by the way much of a tomboy. He enjoys climbing, running and tussling with other boys. Enjoys it a bit too much. The kindergarten teacher has complained to me about him being to much of a tomboy.
So I first thought dancing was good for him, made him less of a tomboy... and it does. I saw him attend in a dance performance. Kindergarden teacher has complained a lot about him having trouble focusing. He was so focussed.

I just wonder if the hobby will make him happy in the long run and if there are not any other skills he should cultivate. I also wonder if other boys will make fun of him for it.

And actually I am not sure if he will grow up to have talent for dancing. There are several reasonably good dancers in booths my husbands family and mine but NO musician and no professional dancer... so what will he do if he one day discovers he has just no talent for dacing and spend so much time with the hobby.

Thanks for reading.

It would be too much if you were forcing him to do it, but since he's the one wanting it, I'd strongly suggest going for it. Maybe his enthusiasm at this level will be short-lived, or maybe it won't, but either way's good really - in the former case he can then spend the time on other things, in the latter he's discovered a passion early.

Of course if you can't afford it or can't manage the logistics you may not be able to arrange it and that's OK, but if you can I'd definitely do it. Great for children to make decisions about this kind of thing.

I wouldn't personally want my dc to do so many similar classes in a week - I'd prefer few classes at such a young age, or at least more diversity - eg one sports club, one dance club, one art or drama or rainbows/beavers. But I'd have no problem at all with a boy loving dance - most dance classes are overwhelmingly female and struggle to get enough boys.

Contradance?

Op where does he learn contradance?

I'm from a family of dancers but have not seen classes for this?

Let him do it! He's not too young to know what he likes, and if that's what he wants to do, why would you stop him, apart from lack of funds?

Don't try to mould him into what you think he should be - let him be who he wants to be.

Are you asking: are 3 after school activities too much for a 5 year old?

Or: should we encourage our 5 year old to try different activities?

Being a boy, and it being dance are red herrings- distractions from the real issue.

If you can afford to pay for and transport him to 3 activities he enjoys, do it.

If you think he needs to e.g. do swimming instead of an extra dance class, or try martial arts, then that’s a parenting decision about choices.

It’s absolutely not “too much” dance at 5, and nothing to do with being a boy or a girl. But it’s up to you if you want him to try something else too.

More like old-fashioned country dancing, 2ndsoprano. Stuff we used to do at school when I was a child back in the 70s! Not quite square dancing but similar.

He's 5. He's enjoying his hobby. All is well.

Let him do it, he will soon tell you if he gets fed up. I would just look at it as exercise. I actually think it’s great that he has the confidence to do it.

He's 5. Let him be. Stop gender stereotyping.

Thanks for you advice but you got me wrong. I am not opposed to a man who knows how to dance at all. I think all men should know how to dance.

I am just wondering if I am being like a the typical tiger mom/soccer mom hothousing my kid to much pushing him into one direction maybe because he is to young to explore other options because he does not know what other options are there.

His dancing teacher is so happy with him because at this time of live he is a really good dancer. She told me he is really a extraordinary talent... very different from what kindergarten teacher has told me... so of course I like him in dancing class because I like people saying nice things about him... but will he be happy in the long run?

He has tried other hobbies, fencing, riding, rugby and got bored with them after a while. Later however he said he wished he continued fencing, but when I was just about to enroll him again changed his mind and opted for a dancing class.
So my nightmare so to speak is that he one day tells me he is unhappy with the fact I did not push him into fencing (or another more boyish sport, fencing starts really young where he used to practice, typically beginners are 4yo and the ones starting later will be at disadvantage) and that he now has only one hobby and this is one the other boys ridicule. Kids can be cruel.

It is really difficult to describe hat a contra dance is, google it, there us lots of vids.

What is contradance? I've never heard of that.

I think that exercise, coordination and musicality are good. In themselves and by developing skills useful in other activities. So is learning to follow instructions and behave well as a member of a class.

Following children's interests is good, much easier than trying to get them to do things they don't like. It's great that he has such clearly expressed interests. Many dcs do not.

People dance and enjoy and play music because it's fun, not because it has to lead to them becoming good at it. Most people who play a musical instrument or dance do it for fun, mostly not at a very high standard, as a hobby that gives them pleasure and may offer them social opportunities as a child and an adult.

I find the idea that dcs should only do things they are going to excel at really odd and quite upsetting actually. It leads to such a denial of valuable opportunity and enjoyment and implies a horribly restrictive hothousing attitude on the part of the parents.

Do you feel the same way about reading, writing and adding up - if he isn't pre-disposed to become a famous author or a prize-winning mathematician, why bother?

As for too young, well thousands of small girls express interest in dancing at age 5, 4 and 3. Many of them do it. Many aren't ever going to be very good. So what? It offers them great skills and experiences and it's fun.

OP is asking whether 3 nights a week doing the same thing is too much for a 5yo, not worrying about whether it's ok for a boy to be into dance.

If you are happy to support your DC to excel in anything, they will eventually do lots of that particular thing and other things (other hobbies and 'free' time) will have to be sacrificed. It's an individual parenting decision whether you want that or not.

My 6 year old has decided ballet is her passion so she goes to ballet class. I’d do the same if I had a son. If your kid has a passion support him with it. That’s what I’d do. It doesn’t matter that he’s a boy

He's struggling with listening and attention at school, but is able to practice it at dance. This is a win win situation. He's doing something that makes him happy, keeps him fit and may also help with his concentration, memory and listening

He’s asking to do the classes, no one is forcing him. Let him.

I'm sure the tiny dots you see who are amazing at ballroom train many hours a week from an early age. Seems similar.

Oh, cross post. Well, if you think one or two other activities are important too, take him to those. Don't present it as a choice between that and dance. Say it's in addition. If you need to re-arrange your timetable and do one less dance class say that it is a practical timetabling issue. If he can do both though, great.

For example I see swimming as a life skill and music as something you have to persist with, even when you don't feel like it, though it's better if it's fun, if you're ever going to become able to play an instrument and discover the opportunities and enjoyment this offers. So I'd make those obligatory, whatever else was happening.

The modern school system crushes them and their passions enough. Encourage it while you can.

Let him dance if he loves it. If you are worried about teasing when he gets to school, then do things to boost his self esteem etc and make sure he has retorts for any comments. It would be such a shame for a child to give up something that they enjoy and makes them happy, because of teasing or because the parents worry about potential teasing.

Stuff like this makes me so cross. Not cross at OP. But why do we as a society spend so much time trying to make sure we fit in and kids are not teased. If only this much effort was put into teasing people not to bully or tease!

And no, three times a week isn't too much, if you can manage it. Lots of activities e.g. gymnastics, invite promising 4 and 5 year-olds to join development squads that train two or three times a week, for longer than a usual lesson.

London He learned it in his family. It is pretty common in our culture and he has seen us dancing at our family at family events and he loved it so much and said he wanted to be a contradancer (of that specifical contradance common in our culture), he also learned another contradance in his class and of course many other things. I don‘t think that there are classes only for contradances. However he wants to be a contradancer when He grows up and only a contradancer.

BTW I often got picked on at school because if my subculture and wanted him to be a bit more mainstream... and contradance.... well, I do not think it is all to common in mainstream nowadays. Street dance is far more common.

Thing is, the skills he learns in dance class and the fitness, flexibility and co-ordination he develops will be useful in other sports too. Ones he does at school.

I wonder if you might be surprised at the range of activities his school friends do. Are you somewhere where most kids do a lot of activities and classes, or is that in itself unusual?

Either way, it sounds as if this will help him join in at school. He and his classmates won't have the same pre-conceptions about your culture that you do.

Dance is a lot more 'acceptable' for boys nowadays - Billy Elliot effect maybe - and the skills he's developing like balance, coordination and flexibility can be transferred into other activities if he decides he wants to change later. It sounds like it's helping with discipline and self control as well. Pushing him to do things that he's not interested in would make you more Tiger mumish than facilitating something he really loves. Dancers gotta dance so if that's his thing you'll have a hard time persuading him otherwise!