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Original poster

Is this relative slagging me off? What would you have done?

72 replies

IsThisMeToo · 23/02/2018 21:30

So I live in a different country and my cousin from the USA messaged me on Facebook asking what I am currently doing in my life. I have no children. It's just me and my husband here. She asked me if I am working.

I told her I'm still studying (she knew I was studying) and that I am not working. She goes, "so you're a housewife? You have a very very nice life then!" I told her again I am studying and left it at that.

I did some other things in the past few years (I actually finished my masters, but am starting another one that will hopefully pave the way for the career I want to have, I interned in a topnotch lab, co-authored papers, etc) but I don't want to share my life too much. We come from a country wherein relatives or even people you aren't even related to feel they're entitled to judge your life. And they don't have qualms about asking questions that sound like you need to justify your life choices to them.

For context, my relative is a very very successful career woman, and 17 years older than me. I was originally supposed to move to the US to practice the same profession as hers, but that didn't push through and life took me in another direction.

OP posts:
Original poster
IsThisMeToo · 24/02/2018 01:17

HermionesRightHook

I'll do that next time. :) I actually asked her about her new work but she kept changing the topic to me. Next time, ooh and aah about her life. :)

OP posts:
Original poster
IsThisMeToo · 24/02/2018 01:20

Does she perhaps feel disapproving of you living on your husband's salary?

Probably. But what I am doing is temporary. If I pull this off and come out of the other side unscathed, I'd have a unique combination of skills that I think will be attractive to some specific employers.

OP posts:
Original poster
IsThisMeToo · 24/02/2018 01:23

Ignore all the negativity; you know the truth - that’s what matters! Best of luck x

Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
IsThisMeToo · 24/02/2018 01:25

I'm with you OP - you are taking an adventurous path, moving countries, requalifying as needed, exciting internships. Sounds like a full and exciting career. But I'm a flaky academic, so what do I know?

Thank you, MrsSkeletor! The past four years of my life have indeed been the most exciting ones! Four years ago, never in my dreams would I have thought I'd someday see my name in an international publication! It was surreal.

OP posts:
Original poster
IsThisMeToo · 24/02/2018 01:28

Due to my disability I have no kids, no college or uni qualifications , I have a cleaner and don’t work. You should hear what my family say about me.

Flowers Flowers Flowers

OP posts:
Original poster
IsThisMeToo · 24/02/2018 01:29

Just ignore her @IsThisMeToo it's none of her business.

Thank you. :)

OP posts:
Doobedoobedoobedoobedoobe · 24/02/2018 01:46

I think you must be a very talented and capable woman op. You were told to re qualify so you did. Along the way you've been offered some amazing opportunities which you took. I don't see any issue. You have a scholarship ffs. They aren't exactly easy to come by these days.

Ignore them both. It's your life and it sounds to me like you're living your best life right now.

ApproachingATunnel · 24/02/2018 01:54

You should respod’ yes, very nice life indeed, how are you’ and leave it at that. Who cares what they think!

Original poster
IsThisMeToo · 24/02/2018 03:35

It's your life and it sounds to me like you're living your best life right now.

I am! Almost everyday is exciting.

OP posts:
femfemlicious · 24/02/2018 03:54

There is a saying...you will never reach your destination if you stop and answer every barking dog.

Ignore them and carry on. Keep your focus on what you are trying to achieve

TheButterflyOfTheStorms · 24/02/2018 04:26

This has exactly as much importance as you give it.

JingsMahBucket · 24/02/2018 04:30

Ignore all the weird posters badgering you. It’s obvious they don’t understand how moving country affects one’s career.

You’re doing pretty darn well and a lot better than most. :)

HashtagTired · 24/02/2018 04:47

How? I said she's a very successful career woman. She does not have a postgrad degree, yes, but that's my answer to the PP saying maybe she thinks I should do a PhD.

Just because she doesn't have a postgraduate degree she can't have an opinion on you having s PhD?

Original poster
IsThisMeToo · 24/02/2018 04:51

Ignore them and carry on. Keep your focus on what you are trying to achieve

Thank you! I will do this

OP posts:
Original poster
IsThisMeToo · 24/02/2018 04:54

Just because she doesn't have a postgraduate degree she can't have an opinion on you having s PhD?

No, but if she's slagging me for getting another degree instead of working, then her thinking I should get a PhD does not make sense.

Also, it's rare for people in the field she's in to have a PhD. I don't really think she's thinking I should do a PhD, given my educational background. So no, I don't think it even crossed her mind.

OP posts:
Daifuku9 · 24/02/2018 05:00

Keep doing you. She’s going to keep to her way of thinking of you no matter what, the way you described her. You know what they say about opinions. If it bothers you sometimes, use it as more fuel to the fire to exceed your goals.
Congratulations on your scholarship and good luck everything!

Coyoacan · 24/02/2018 05:10

Oh the comments here against education, who'd have thought it?

I found out by accident that my uncle, aunt and cousin sspent time comparing themselves to me and my brothers. It strikes me as a very odd occupation to have. We were too busy getting on with our lives to have time to waste trying to prove that we were better than them. Who cares? In fact I think it shows a basic insecurity

afishnotabird · 24/02/2018 05:23

If I was studying without having to work, I would think I had a very nice life as well.

Don't really see the problem.

farangatang · 24/02/2018 05:55

IsThisMeToo - what do you actually care about what this relative (and any others) think?

It sounds like you're making a great new life for yourself and good on you for doing so.

If her comments bother you, call her out on them - next time she makes a judgycomment, you could be honest and say 'I can't help feeling that you're criticising my choices - did you mean to do that?' - giving her the benefit of the doubt, she might be shocked to hear that's how she comes across. If she IS criticising, it confronts her and requires a response (and some self-awareness!)

As for you, all you have to be concerned with is whether your path is right for you and your husband - it's your lives, noone else's that matter most to you.

Good luck with your studies and congratulations for having the courage and determination to follow a 'new' path.

DonaldDroop · 24/02/2018 10:09

I hate that kind of judgement. Maybe next time you could answer the first message politely and then wish her well and say you have a deadline. She sounds weirdly competitive - and possibly jealous that you have an exciting career ahead of you.

Rodgerrabbit29 · 24/02/2018 10:14

You have asked if they are slagging you off and it's just turned into the posters slagging you off.

I think she was. No further comments about your life choices or career advice from me.

Good luck studying.

Lifeisabeach09 · 24/02/2018 19:53

Eternal student or not, it's not their money, life or business.
It's your path, OP.

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