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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Neighbour texted to tell us we are noisy - AIBU?

97 replies

forevergrateful · 23/02/2018 08:59

Yesterday around 5:30pm I was playing Land, Air and Sea with my daughter. She was playing, I was conducting (Ok, ok, i showed her how to do the jumping jacks - just one time, maybe two). About 6pm we got a text from my neighbour asking if we were doing any DIY in the house and if we could make sure it is not done too late. I had actually forgotten about the game and asked what time they heard noise as I could figure out what was going on. I thought it might be the kids jumping on the bed around bed time. My neighbours are 3 girls in their early to mid-twenties. She replied back saying it was different times of the day and it felt like it was coming through their wall and that they had heard it just before she texted me. At that point I was a bit miffed because at the risk of outing myself as the worst mum ever, I have to admit that my kids (DD 7 and DS 2) nearly always watch TV (I work from home and apart from school and activities, I can't to engage with them before 6pm) and I have to literally wage war to get them to do anything physical. Only recently had I started to get my daughter to do the moves to just dance and sometime my DS joins in. And that doesn’t last past 30 minutes anyway. DS is two and we have had some tantrums and throwing things on the floor but I am not going to be able to fix that overnight either. So basically what I am saying is that we are mostly ‘yellers’ not ‘bangers’ and the neighbor definitely said ‘banging’. I replied back to her saying that since we only hear them when they have friends over at the weekends I didn’t realize that our noise travelled on a daily basis and that we would keep it down. To which she replied that she was sorry we could hear them and that they would try not to be loud. But of course, after a night’s sleep I have had time to reflect but still at a loss as to how to proceed.

We live in a semi with wooden floors. Carpets, perhaps? Should I reserve Land, Air, Sea for Boxing Day? Can I play floor is lava today or should I just suck it and grow couch potatoes? What do you y'all do? I know the park is great for letting steam off but I hate the cold weather and I am not about to let the kids play in the street on their own like we did 20 years ago. Besides its too dark at 6pm. Are your kids all sitting down to play? No jumping except on special occasions? Is 30 mins a day too much?

OP posts:

Versorecto · 23/02/2018 09:43

It’s the floors. It might not even sound that loud when you’re in the room but sound carries and amplified in odd ways.

rocketgirl22 · 23/02/2018 09:44

I would apologise and consider carpets. I am sure they didn't text you lightly either, knowing they might offend you, so it must have been annoying for them.

Basseting · 23/02/2018 09:44

also wants to know what Land, Sea and Air is?

LakieLady · 23/02/2018 09:45

And there's nothing like a good dose of fresh air to get them off to sleep at bedtime. When my DSS was little, DP found that he had an extra hour of sleep for every half hour spent running about in the park or woods.

Original poster

forevergrateful · 23/02/2018 09:45

Nannyplumssillyoldelf If you have seen a picture of a woman floating on the net working on a computer with a toddler hanging off her breasts, that's probably like me .

Let me clarify. I am the yeller in the house. 'Put that back', 'No, no don't throw it', 'Stop that right now' etc. My kids take after their father and do not yell. Just drive me nuts. I are not yelling all the time for that matter. What I meant was that if she had said we can hear you yelling i would have not taken offence.

My daughter has allergies and we got rid of the carpets for wooden floors. Starting to think that we probably should move to a detached house (as if we can afford it). Happened No scraping on walls, no - that has been a strict no in the house from the beginning as we realise shared walls are not that great for anyone.

Plus couple of times they came around to say they were having house parties and i said that it was their age to live it up and not mind us. Hmm, apostropheuse women you say?

I also think we might have been spoilt by our previous neighbour (50 year old woman) two years ago. I once tried to apologize to her in general for if she heard any noise. And the lady just said, "don't worry about it - it's not like they are up past 10pm". Mind you my woman neighbour also said that in general we were alright just that recently occasionally they had heard banging noises. So that's 'just dance' out the window, right?

It is not the park routine that i meant to get votes on. If the kids are sitting down for an hour or two are they then not allowed to do any jumping at all? not even if i have got ikea carpets on a designated jumping area? do your kids only do yoga apart from reading/lego/trains?
just trying to understand how everyone else manages this.

OP posts:

AnnieAnoniMouse · 23/02/2018 09:46

You don’t sound excessively noisy, carry on as you are. Children doing a few jumping jacks is not unbearable noise. Let your kids be kids & don’t stress about it. If she texts you again just reply ‘Normal family noise I’m afraid’.

Branleuse · 23/02/2018 09:47

You need carpets. They soak up loads of noise

HappydaysArehere · 23/02/2018 09:49

Wearing slippers might help. We have laminate floors as have our neighbours but are not aware of footfall at all but we always wear slippers.

Original poster

forevergrateful · 23/02/2018 09:51

Basseting Its a listening game. You designate a place for land, the floor is the sea and jumping up is "Air". And the conductor calls out the words in no particular order and the players either step on 'land', 'sea' or jump in air. if they mess up they do three jumping jacks. It is fun indoor game but cleary only meant for people with detached houses. Trust me this is the first time we played it. And there was just my daughter. Thank God we didn't try this on playdates. They would have called the council on us.

OP posts:

AnnieAnoniMouse · 23/02/2018 09:52

No ‘just dance’ isn’t out. No more than you, or they, doing a Zumba home fitness ‘video’ is out. Or them having friends around for dinner or whatever. It’s life living in houses that have party walls.

It’s not endless screaming, or roller skating up & down the hallway or whatever. It’s just normal family stuff.

angieloumc · 23/02/2018 09:52

I live in a new build semi and ndn, have their grandchildren visiting from overseas (since October!). I've never heard noise like it; constant running and thumping about starting at 10am, stopping about 3, starting again at 9pm, it can go on for hours. The DC are approximately 4 and 2.
It's difficult as I don't want to upset the ndn as apart from that they are lovely.

So to be honest, living next door to you with only day time sounds would be a welcome relief.

FreeNiki · 23/02/2018 09:53

It's not the game that's the problem. You say yourself you have to wage war to get them to do anything.

Do you shout alot? That is really annoying on top of a tantrumming 2 year old. I suspect the game was the last straw for them.

But you're miffed?

AnnieAnoniMouse · 23/02/2018 09:54

No, you don’t need carpets. Your DD is better off without carpets. If people can’t accept hearing normal family noise then don’t live next to a family 🤷🏻‍♀️

MargaretCavendish · 23/02/2018 09:54

Thank God we didn't try this on playdates. They would have called the council on us.

Well, probably not, as what they actually did was send an extremely polite and carefully worded text message. You seem determined to make it seem like these 'girls' are persecuting you, but they've been very courteous.

Pleasebeafleabite · 23/02/2018 09:56

Children jumping up and down on a wooden floor is going to create banging noises

No need for poirot on this one

Hullygully · 23/02/2018 09:56

They sound really odd. In their 20s and moaning about daytime noise in a normal semi?

AnnieAnoniMouse · 23/02/2018 09:57

angieloumc. That’s well beyond ‘normal family noise’ especially after 9pm. How much longer are they staying?

AnnieAnoniMouse · 23/02/2018 09:58

Even if they did call the council they’d be told it’s normal family noise & not something they will get involved in.

Original poster

forevergrateful · 23/02/2018 10:04

Pandsbear - They work. They must have just got in yesterday when they heard jumping. I repeat. It was the first time we played this game. Before this I am assuming it was my daughter's just dance - leaps in the air etc. or it could be my DS throwing stuff on the floor. it can't have been continuous banging noise. Again, what i meant to ask was if your kids never made noise in the house - jumping or otherwise. are they only allowed climbing on things in the park? Like I said, I wfh 9-6 so can't take them to the park weekdays, only weekends. And yes, I am jealous of mums who do take theirs to the park everyday afetr school. By the time i finish work its too cold, there is no one in the park and my daughter says there are no friends to play with at the park and doesn't want to go.

I'll get carpets for the living room I suppose. can't see what else i can do. it has definitely put us off indoor games for the forseeable future.

OP posts:

Unicornchaser · 23/02/2018 10:04

YANBU.
You're house, you and your family should feel free to make noise in your own home during day time hours.
I say this as someone whose neighbours tried to make our life hell because of living noise - i have a dog and an 8 year old SS who play for a max of 20 mins at a time......Eventually we contacted the police & council (as we were scared we would get reported) who said no complaint would be acted upon as its 'living noise' and we have carpets.
If you need to not have carpets for health reasons then don't feel the need to get them! - unless you plan on jumping around at 11pm then it's a diff story!

If they don't like the noise of having neighbours then maybe they should be the ones going to a detached house!

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 23/02/2018 10:06

No it’s simply not good enough to say families make noise get over day routine day to day noise,fair enough. Adult and child leaping about not fair enough
Families aren’t a protected category were you can make any amount of nose,bless
And anyone with temerity to complain can just move. No,don’t thunk so

TenancyTroublesAgain · 23/02/2018 10:08

YABVU. That sounds like hell.

Original poster

forevergrateful · 23/02/2018 10:09

FreeNiki I am on the computer all day and the kids are on TV when they get back from school, nursery until i finish. I assume the shouting is between 6 and 9 and weekends. I am of course conscious now so will be doing less of it. I had assumed it was part of raising very young kids.

OP posts:

PenelopeFlintstone · 23/02/2018 10:09

I'd go with the 'normal family noise' reply.

Chatterbitch · 23/02/2018 10:12

I think during the day some normal noise is to be expected.

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