Not being able to get a dog.....

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I have wanted a dog since I left home 15 years ago. I grew up with beautiful dogs my whole childhood and love them dearly. Various reasons why we havent:moves abroad, working full time, cost etc.

Finally got to the point where we are settled and living in our own house, got husband to agree to getting a dog-a year from now. We planned to get a puppy and our dog mad children would be old enough to join us on walks. All good so far.

However, husbands job situation has changed again and the chances of getting said dog now look slim to none. He will be travelling more than he does now and even when he is at home he will have a different commute which will see him leave earlier and return later. I also work part time and have small children...I kind of need the extra pair of hands should we introduce the dog to the family.

I would never get a dog just to fulfil my desire if I wasn't sure I could devote myself to looking after it and walking it. I doubt finances will stretch enough to afford a dog walker on the days I need help.

Please fill me in on reasons why it is good NOT to get a dog so I can get over my disappointment.

This is the latest in a long list of things I would have liked in my life that have never happened thanks to OH's job. Living in the country, living near family, having a more rural lifestyle-everything that felt intrinsically part of me is now not a part of my life at all. I have moved countries, settled in places I'd not normally choose to live and put up with OH travelling to all sorts of God awful, dangerous places all whilst holding down my.job and raising our children.

The pressures his job puts on me is immense and this disappointment is about the dog is felt even more keenly for it.

His job gets me very down at times but recently I made a huge effort to start regular exercise and overhaul my diet to give me a mental health boost. The last two weeks or so I have felt very content and happy again....losing my dream of dog ownership is making me teeter on the edge of unhappiness again. I wonder if it's more the fact that it's another dream shelved rather than the actual dog issue....

Oh op. Is there any way round this? How many hours are you out of the house?
Sounds like you are fed up of compromising for dh’s job, which is fair enough, maybe a dog could still be possibly though.

That's sad OP. What are your working hours? Maybe a puppy would be to much just now but a quiet dog might be possible. My friend has a rescue greyhound and she works. Dog walked before work and after and she pops home lunchtime. Could family help?

I take my dogs to work with me but I know that's unusual. If I can't for any reason my sister in law pops in and let's them out.

My dh works locally but huge hours. The dogs are constant companionship for me and I completely understand that feeling of wanting something for you.

Much would depend on the breed and the lifestyle generally. For example, mine are high energy and need lots of excercise. However, they hate hate hate the rain and will happily have a quiet day.

Hope you find something that will work for you.

The time you need to walk your dog depends on the kind of dog you get. Your children may be able to help with walks. There may be somebody near by who would not mind to take manageable dog for walk occasionally. Our neighbor frequently borrows our dog for her beach walks. If you ask my grown up daughter about her childhood our dog is the hero of every story, she loved her dearly.

If you work part time you could still have a dog, what hours do you do? Lots of dogs are fine alone for a few hours just don’t get a high energy breed. I’ve got a Boston terrier that isn’t fussed about walks and I know a few shitzus that are the same. You could look at rescuing an older?

I think there is something called ‘Borrow my dog’, where people take your dog for a walk, there is a way through this.

Don't give up just yet OP! I was on my own & worked PT with a dog for a while, just change the dog you look at. Mine was a 9 year old staff rescue who walked for twenty minutes twice a day, then slept for the rest of the day 🙈 A friend fosters for a greyhound rescue; again, they get two ploddy walks a day then collapse in a heap & sleep the day away.

A puppy in your situation would probably be a nightmare, they require so much energy, time & effort. Look at 'low maintenance' breeds that don't require endless exercise, change the age range you want...you could still get your dog

I have a dog and i adore her but there are times I wished I hadn't got one

Reasons why it's good not to have a dog:-

You get no pee and poo smells in the house when training

All of your belongings go chew free

You can go on long days out and not worry about the dog being at home on its own

You can go on holiday and not worry about boarding fees

You have to check the backyard and make sure the garden is clear before you let kids out to play

You don't have to go walking in cold dark wet weather

You save a fortune on food, vet bills, insurance etc

No dog hair around the house

I definitely agree with above about an older dog who is out of the puppy years. I can't imagine life without my 2 dogs and it seems such a shame you have to put this off again because of dh's job. How many hours are you out of the house per day?

I'm resigned to having to wait until I'm well into my 60s before I can get a dog, so only about 15 years to wait!
I live in the countryside, always have, but as a child my parents hated dogs, then I met my now DH and we like going on foreign holidays and weekend trips, so having a dog would put a stop to that.
Then of course the DDs were too young. Now they are teenagers, they aren't interested.
Plus we have two cats who are only 10 years old so in reality it would be unfair to get a dog whilst they are in their old age.
I work P/T at the moment and a dog would slot in nicely.
BUT too many factors against it...
Holidays
Cost
Cats
So, yes. I will have to wait and maybe get a rescue dog. Don't think I'd cope with a puppy as my first ever dog!

You should think about an older dog, there’s loads that end up needing homes because of an owner passing away or going into a nursing home - you’d get all the benefits without having to deal with the mad puppy phase.

Sorry that you're disappointed OP. I think you're being very sensible and level headed in putting a dog on hold for now.

It's not forever so keep that in mind. It sounds like you've got a lot on your plate right now and as much as dogs are wonderful they absolutely do bring a certain amount of stress and hard work to your life plus the extra cost has to be factored in.

Why can't you get a dog if you work part time? I work 8-5 every day and manage - I walk home on lunch to see him and let him out.

There are so many dogs in rescue centres who need homes. Why get a puppy? The puppy bit only lasts for about 4 months anyway!

Borrow my doggy
We used to do this before we got our dog and although I love him I often wish we had just stuck to doing that

Hi all,

My time out of the house on the days I work is 7.30-4.30/5. I work three days a week. However it's not so much the length of time I am out, it's more about not being able to walk it in the morning (leaving the kids in bed without an adult in the house etc).

I have looked at rescues but they don't seem to rehome to families with children under the age of 8, at least the ones round here don't.

I had planned on a Lab but I think if I had to choose a different breed I may go for a pug....OH doesn't like pugs but seeing as he'll barely be here it won't really matter

Maybe a pug of a year or two so we can skip the mad puppy bit and I get the impression pugs don't care if they have a lazy day! Any other lazy/quiet/ family friendly dog breeds I could look into?

I'll also think about those reasons to remain dog free a little while longer....they are all totally valid and good food for thought.

Thank you for being so positive in your replies.

Maybe your husband should look for a different job, so that your life isn't all about making sacrifices. I think you've done your bit over the years and now it's his turn to put you first.

There is an organisation called Cinammon Trust where you can volunteer to walk dogs in your area? Or look at rehoming an older dog rather than a puppy? Our first dog came from a noticeboard in a shop near my Uncle - he rang me to say he'd been and met the owners, and that's how we got our Tibetan Terrier. He was 8, and his owners were emigrating. He walked into the house, sat on the sofa and never budged for the next 6 years. He loved the kids, loved a short walk and never minded being left for a few hours so he was the perfect starter dog for us. It was a baptism of fire getting a labrador puppy after, then a working cocker pup. I wouldn't have dreamed of a pup with young kids.

I have to say that our home without a dog would be unbearable, as I'm at home it makes a huge difference having company. He's my little shadow and I can't imagine life without him.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds

Yes at times I am inclined to agree with you! Unfortunately in reality that is the way he makes his money. Any change of career for him would mean a pay cut and he is very happy doing what he is doing.

Thank you again for more replies!

I have been walking dogs at a retired greyhound rescue near us too. It's more the company of a dog as part of a family I miss and want. However if I decide to put our dog plans on hold then I will definitely keep on walking those dogs!

Op do you have a garden? In which case as long as you haven't got a bonkers doggy then a ball chuck and a wee wee in the mornings will do just fine

He might be very happy, but you are not. Marriage needs compromise, not one person making all the sacrifices. I'm sorry, I inow it's not what you asked from this thread, but I think you deserve more than you are getting.

Thank you yes we do have a garden now fluffy unicorn.

I wanna see how it ends: thank you for telling me that. Like I said, at times I am in full agreement. What do you suggest I do?

I think it’s really sad you have basically given up all your dreams in life, all for your DH’s job. You have a right to be happy to. You aren’t just a passenger on DH’s life journey. What about your life? Your mental health and happiness?

I would be approaching your DH and telling him that you would eventually like to live in the countryside, raise your kids near your parents and have a dog.

I told my DH I wanted to move overseas ( it was something I couldn’t let go of). Sure, he was not receptive at first and first few times I mentioned it, sounded rather angry about it. However, every now and then I’d mention how ai would rather be over there and eventually he came around and is fully onboard! There is no way this would be happening, if I waited for him to offer it to me. If I choose to let it go, not fight for it. I would be angry and full of regret. And it wouldn’t be his fault. It would be mine for playing the victim and not taking responsability for my life and the choices I make.

Nobody will offer to give you the life you want. You will be waiting forever. You need to take what you want, just like your DH does!

You need to approach him and tell him everything that you want to happen in your life. Expect him to have a negative reaction and say no to it all. But stick to your guns and eventually he will come around. Remind him this is a shared life, not just his life. If you empower yourself, take full responsability for your life and happiness, you have a very good chance of getting things you want!

If you sit back and wait for him to mind read you or think well she doesn’t put up much fight about it, so why shouldn’t I have it all my way? You are going to regret your life. You have a choice

I have a chihuahua pup. She sleeps all night then up for an hour then all morning. Refuses to walk in the rain. Just went out and she was all happy and perky then just laid down and wanted to go home
She’s extremely low maintenance for a puppy!
However, longest she’s left in the day is 4 hours - one day a week it can be 6 which I hate. We nearly always get to her after 4/5 hrs
She’s so sleep oriented it doesn’t seem to worry her. I just hate the thought she might need a wee

I have a dog who I love to bits, but there are times when I wish I hadn't got him, to help you get over it here's a list

The time he ate my brand new sandals (I never treat myself with shoes) they were lovely and had long straps that tied comfortably around your ankle, we know it was him, because he'd gotten one to the straps wrapped around his leg

The time he ate DP Perscription Oakley riding glasses

The time he ate the remote control for the DVD player - we now have to walk over to the box to manually do everything

The fact that this last month he seems to have forgotten all his training and decided that he's allowed on the couch, upstairs or in the kitchen when we're not about

My lovely cream carpets will never be cream again (FIL's dog puked some vile black stuff over a good square metre and we've never been able to get it out and can't afford to replace them and insurance won't cover it)

all my walls are scuffed with dirt at dog height,

Not having to constantly open and close the sliding doors in winter to let the bugger out, who once out there will decide it's too cold to pee, come back in and then want to go out in 5 minutes again because he actually really needs to go (repeat for a good 30 minutes)

having paw marks constantly on the sliding door for when we don't open the door fast enough for him (ok so the ground is cold and he doesn't want to sit waiting patiently)

Having to have stair gates despite the kids not needing them, just to separate him if we have guests who don't like dogs

Having to hoover every day otherwise the house looks like i've been shearing sheep (glares at cats too for this one)

and the house always smells slightly doggy, despite being a clean dog

all that said I love him to bits and he's very much part of the family (I could probably write a similar list for DP or the DC's)

Pugs are one of the dogs most affected by health issues than any other - being honest I don't think they are a good first dog and also don't agree with supporting the trade for them.

What about a Greyhound? They're usually very docile and don't need much exercise. You wouldn't necessarily have to give it a proper walk before work. Let it out for a wee in the morning, and give it its proper walk at lunch or dinner. That's what I do.