To tell you all what a **** exh is?

[ilovemilton]

This isn’t a post asking for answers, I’ve long since learnt there aren’t any, and the legal system doesn’t give a crap. (If you search my previous threads you can have a whole day’s reading material!) I’m just sitting here alone, crying for my babies and need to tell the whole world that exh is a twat.

Abusive exh has a shared care order. He gets more than 50% during he holidays to make up for me having them more during term time

DC absolutely hate contact. DD went no contact almost a year ago now and exh fought for a bit, now doesn’t acknowledge her existence. However, exh says he’s let her have her own way, so he certainly won’t be doing it with DS. So DS is physically forced to go to contact.

DS came back crying after weekend contact, saying daddy was working so his brother had come to stay. Until recently he was a stranger, but it seems he’s doing this every holiday now. DC want to stay at home for their holidays, as they miss out on so much being with exh. Contact started again this morning and brother came to collect again. Exh is working both days he is due to have DS.

Now I know parents work, I actually work more hours than exh. He works three or four days a week, so it could have been arranged that he works the days he doesn’t have him?? I’m at home for the holidays and DS wants to stay at home, not sit in exh house with his uncle just for the sake of it. I tried to reason with exh last night, saying that DS wanted to stay home and I just got abuse.

It makes me so sad to see their childhood wasted like this. Physically forcing your child to go to contact is bad enough, but when it’s not even to be with their parent?!

I feel sad for your kids op-and I totally see why you would be angry on their behalf.

I’m guessing you can’t go back to court? for you and DS.

He’s a total dick. At least my exh rings the kids to ask if they want to go to his. One does, and one never does.

Can you go back to court? Your poor son

I’d guess that the uncle doesn’t much want to be babysitting this much either? Not that he wouldn’t want to see your DS, just that it’s s big ask for him to do all this childcare too. Do you live close enough for DS to be picked up after exH has finished work to go there for evening? They could do dinner and a movie then DS could sleep there and come home during the days? You don’t say anything about DS not wanting to spend time with his dad, so assime it’s the wanting to be around his mates during day and spend time with his dad when his dad is free which is the problem. This all depends on DSs age but I’d be teaching him some assertion techniques and practising the conversation with him, but essentially encouraging him to speak to exH. I feel for you both, but on a separate note, well done for DDs confidence and go getting attitude- it’s a good sign that she won’t let herself be emotionally abused

DS only hates his dad slightly less than DD. Contact is abusive and there’s nothing pleasant about it.

He’s resigned himself to get used to it in term time, due to all my persuading that “it’s not that long, next weekend we will do something good, etc...”. He spends his time lost in gadgets to cope with it.

However, holidays are a different matter and he is missing out on being with his family, his friends, his toys. Now he is just sitting on a sofa with his uncle for two days, waiting to come home. It makes me so sad.

We live close enough, there are many options that I would work with but it just get “you’re not making me break the court order” “it’s my time I do what I say” etc.

I neither have the money or the sanity to return to court. It’s never once in four years gone in my favour, contact is increased every time I raise an issue.

He works past DS bedtime and will leave to work before/around when he gets up in the morning. So he isn’t actually seeing him at all.

If you have shared time, could you make him available during term time so that you can have equal time in holidays?

Whether he takes it up or not, if he’s available for contact, would you have fufuilled requirements? I have no idea, so just wondering.

When will courts start putting children first. So sorry OP. Your poor DS.

How old is DS

Exh won’t be flexible with the order in any way.

DS is 9.

I’d never support keeping kids and the absent parent apart, but if your DS is that unhappy and vocal, I’d be stopping contact and let DH take me to court, but only if this Is what the kids want

Every time I have let him be vocal before, I have been bollocked by the judge and contact gets increased, to the point they threaten hanged of residency, but exh doesn’t want this. And I mean vocal about things like DS being held by the throat, DD being dragged through the park in front of her mates, and me being assaulted on my doorstep. Bollocked and accused of alienating the kids every time.

Could you get your son to call nspcc? Or social services? Or tell School?

Get DS to phone childline?

Surely at ages 9 your son gets a choice

DD did all those things and I was told to stop making her do them. Other parents called the nspcc once and the judge said I had got my friends to do it, there were no real concerns.

poor love.

hope he gets some respite from it all soon.

try to teach him some coping techniques. games to play on his own, practising homework, or something so he can do the nice stuff at home.

Makes my heart hurt that we have to be teaching kids how to survive when they are forced to see the other parent.

We always do nice things to make up for it. The courts said I do it on purpose to make his contact time look bad

Who are these bloody judges! That sounds so horrible op. I really feel for your DS.

If he’s harming him go to the police and keep going. Go back to SS, go to DS school and talk to the Head (they can raise things for you) I know it feels like the whole system is against you and I can see why, but your poor DS can’t keep going into an abusive environment. When they come for him lock the door and don’t let him out.

If uncle is looking after him Dad isn’t even having the contact time anyway

Head has been told by court that mum makes up allegations because she doesn’t like contact and to not take any notice of future allegations now we have a final order.

Police can’t override an order. Courts told me that to take a child to the police to testify against their parent is abusive and they will rule against me if I do it again.

The courts even told me off for reporting my own assault to the police.

What is his uncle like? Can he do his homework there? Can he take some of his toys with him?

I've read some of your previous posts. This is just awful. Am I remembering correctly that you always get sent back to the same judge? Your poor kids. And poor you too