To think that children are babied too much these days

[BlueMirror]

I think it's really sad that many children aren't allowed the independence I had when I was younger. We live on a very quiet road and while some primary age children are allowed to play outside and climb the trees in the field opposite many aren't.
I also know of 18/19 yr olds who live at home and are basically treated like young teens with their parents calling them by the minutes to check on them, restricting where they can go/who they can see. They are adults!
Aibu to think that if you aren't even allowed out of the door by yourself until you're 11 then you're not going to be fully independent by age 18 and that adolescence now seems to extend into the 20's for many young people?
Supervised 'play dates' for 10+ year olds now seem to be a thing going by threads on here! What happened to going and knocking on your friends doors and seeing who could come out?
For comparison it was normal when I was younger to walk yourself to school age 7 and children played outside from much younger. By the time you hit your teens you were expected to be responsible and behave as an adult with all the freedoms that go with that. Aibu to think that kids are generally overprotected these days?

blacktrousers Are you saying that until people are 25 year olds they need to be looked after?

Well if teachers have been outed as paedophiles why are people ok with sending their children to school?

I had a protective mother and was only allowed out by myself under strict boundaries and I still had a knife pulled on me, a man chase me down the street and an older teen boy say some very inappropriate things to me.
My kids may grow up more slowly than those who are allowed to roam, but they will grow up safely! The 80's were certainly not a golden era for child safety.

YABU, children should have plenty of chances to play outside and to take risks but that doesn't have to be in the form of wandering the streets, it's up to parents how their children are brought up. I'm sure I've seen many threads on mumsnet of parents pissed off because children keep turning up unannounced on their doorsteps.

Personally I'm sick of seeing young kids on bikes and scooters on the roads in our village without helmets anywhere in sight, yes it's a village but has a main road running through so gets a lot traffic through the main part. They just ride out in-front of cars, a girl cut across us a few days ago vaping despite clearly not being anywhere near the legal age, and obviously no helmet. Yes, I do think what the hell are the parents thinking and yes I do judge them.

I think it's quite sad that parents are pissed of that their kids friends are calling for them. Though my kids only call round at friends who also call at our house so it's not a problem.

There is a group of kids that after school go and hang out on a station platform, mess about, play fight, smoke, swear, damage, litter and soil the station, they are a menace to station users and I bloody wish that they didn’t have their freedom to do this.

I would also judge parents who let children with no road sense play out unattended.

The dangers are not always the 'extremes' such as kidnapping. I know kids playing football on our local greens and they were mugged, whatever pocket money they had was stolen at knife point by a grown man. Probably £5 in total. At fucking knife point, and the kids were around 12 years old.

I recently took the bus with a teacher and 4 primary school pupils who had been invited to a local event. Some nutter came on the bus, started shouting at the kids (literally screaming in their faces) 'I bet you're scare of me now'. The teacher and I had to move to the front of the bus, and other passengers alerted the driver who called the police. The kids were white as sheets and terrified. Recently two adults were caught having sex in our (very lonely) phone box on the HIGH STREET, in full view of kids coming out of primary school. I have more experiences that I could share but it would be too long.

Listen, I get you. I see your point. I would love to give my two DSs more freedom. But in my experience, there are way too many ADULTS who are acting like complete nutters, that's the problem. Not the parents, not the children. Grown ups, and yes, low level crime, threats, drugs, alcohol, knife crimes, people driving like they own the fucking roads and speeding just outside our local secondary school to try and impress I don't know who. Stop judging the parents and the kids, and start judging people who don't have any sense of respect for kids.

@Bluemirror I'm glad that you children don't scream but do they do other annoying AF things like: sitting in the middle of the pavement with toys etc spread out so that no one can go past, riding bicycles around on pavements presenting a danger to you young children/dogs, run out onto the road without look, choose bad places to cross the road such as in between cars, blocking people's drive ways while waiting for friends to come out and not moving when asked to, littering, pestering cats/wildlife, destroying trees/shrubs? These thing all happen on a regular basis on the development where I live. If the houses didn't have gardens I would have some sympathy but they all do-there us no reason why thechildren can't just play in one another's gardens baring their lazy parents who don't want to supervise them. I've seen several near accidents and walking through the development with a buddy has become a pain. There is nothing particularly instal about the way the children behave-it's mostly normal boisterous behaviour which one would expect from children that age, all the more reason not to set them loose in first place.

I would let my DD walk to school if I didn't know that she needs to cross the road where the moronic drivers tend to break the red light.
And despite all the drills and talks we have with her, I would be worried that she would encounter a stranger with not such good intentions. I had an encounter with an ejaculating flasher at the age of 9 and still remember it vividly.
I also remember being almost run over by a car because I was hopping merrily in my little girl world and forgot to check the road for cars when crossing it.
There are more cars out there than ever before so I wouldn't feel safe. And the kids in our estate play outside till it gets dark as long as it's not raining so it's not like they are somehow holed up inside. We keep an eye on them but we are not overdoing it.
A playdate for me and my DD's friends constitutes dropping your child off early in the morning and picking it up late in the evening when it's too tired to move. Or picking it up and bringing them over somewhere.
I live in a smallish town though. Not sure how I'd feel living in a block of flats in a very urban area.

"I hear of graduates taking mum to interviews and wondering why they don't get the job." Omg really?! I thought it bad enough one of my dds friends went to a job interview recently and needed her mum there - she's almost 19!

"really? The police in my area has reported on their social media the attempt to get a little girl in a car whilst she was walking her dog - so no hear say." Really? They've made a decision to post on social media based on ONE reported incident which it sounds like they've no proof of? No police authority I know of would scaremonger like that.

I remember as a guide leader asking a child to peel potatoes - she looked at the vegetable peeler (so not even a knife!) like it was a hand grenade! "I'm not sure mum would let me use that" give me strength - out of curiosity I'll let you all guess her age...

"I don't understand why poster mix learning basic home skills (cooking and so on) and being allowed outside on your own from early childhood. How are the 2 even related? They are not!" The overprotection over the safety aspects (see above paragraphs) not letting late teens deal with boiling water, frying pans, sharp knives etc. Totally ridiculous - you teach them to deal with those things safely of course but you don't NEVER teach them at all then expect them at age 18+ to leave home and just "know" (and yes I've known this happen).

You can not protect your children from all negative experiences and uncomfortable feelings and expect them to have the skills to deal with these as young adults.
Exactly! If anything I think it makes them MORE vulnerable as they haven't learned to risk assess properly and recognise a dodgy person say, so they sometimes dismiss their accurate sense of impending danger.

My mum was the eldest in a very poor, large family (fairly common for her generation and background) by the age of 7 she was cooking for 8 every night from scratch (no ready meals in the 50's), starting the fire and minding the younger ones. Now that is far from ideal in terms of a lot of responsibility on very young shoulders BUT my point is - in a practical and physical safety sense, she was capable of it! No major injuries, no disasters, all went quite smoothly.

We don't want 7 year olds bearing that kind of responsibility BUT I do think it's gone and is still going too far in the other direction.

And for the paedo on every corner types - "my" paedo was at home - I was safer on the street playing! Even if you look at the high profile sexual assault and child murder cases most of them the perpetrator turns out to be a relative or close family friend.

"So a friend who is a reception teacher in a middle class area, says there has been an increase in the number of kids who can not put on their own coat. She teaches them how to do this. She thinks that parents are so busy they tend to just do things for their kids as it is easier, rather than giving them the chance to do it for themselves and learn how to do it."

That's reminded me of when dd started school. The head had a meeting one evening in the summer term before hand that all parents were supposed to attend. Not only was there poor attendance but some of what she felt needed to be said shocked me - basically 'please make sure before they start school they are toilet trained inc knowing to wash hands after, can feed themselves at least with a spoon, can dress and undress themselves inc their coats, and know to respond to their name when called.' I spoke to her after and she confirmed to me that she had in the couple years previous started to have healthy neuro-typical (hope that's correct wording don't wish to offend anyone) children starting school who were still in nappies full time, couldn't undo a zip and couldn't feed themselves a yoghurt at lunchtime. The previous year she'd had a parent who wanted the school to store and provide formula and baby bottles to her child (no allergies or phobias she just hadn't bothered weaning him).

Irvine - but lots of parents DO hover, stop children from doing things that aren't very risky but may if they're not careful result in a small injury so the children aren't learning their limits/abilities, interfere in childish disputes resulting in them escalating (lots of threads on here due to such behaviour) and not letting children learn to handle disagreements themselves.

So you think the 12 yr olds shouldn't have been allowed out then? At what age should they be allowed out?
And the children you mention were shouted at with 2 adults present???

Do you know what, this thread has just reminded me of the time when I was playing with my ball (aged 8 maybe) and a group of boys came along and threatened to burn me with a cigarette. This thread has made me more determined that my kids won’t experience fear and have it be called “independence”.

I think parents are smarter these days not to let children roam as it's not as safe as you may think! Other countries where there is a general culture of this are better as adults and children know what's going on, but here, I wouldn't.

I was allowed to roam and had many narrow escapes, was almost abducted, raped, groomed. Doesn't bear thinking about. I won't be letting my daughter, not at 8 anyway!

No my kids climb trees and play football on the field.
But I think you'd have to be spectacularly grumpy to class having to walk around some children's toys as antisocial behaviour.

Kids need to have manageable negative experiences.

I'd feel I had let down my child if they didn't know how to sensibly cross a road by age 10.

Totally agree.

See the thread about the 18 year old wondering about a two hour train journey.

They've made a decision to post on social media based on ONE reported incident which it sounds like they've no proof of?
since they have arrested the man responsible, it seems like they have a little bit more than a child story.

My grand-parents didn't have to wear seat belts in their car, car seats probably didn't even exist. I didn't have a helmet when I started cycling, and didnt' even know they existed when I learnt to ski. Nowadays, you barely see anyone, kids or adults, on the slope without one. It might have famously be of no help to a famous sportsman, but sometimes a bit more protection is in everyone's best interest.

There's a difference between reasonably not allowing your kids to disappear all day without any supervision, and not allowing them to play outside and let them fall and scrap their knees. My kids learn just as well not to throw stones on a wasp nest because I explain it to them than they would if they ended up in hospital because I let them.

Kids need to play outside, but they also need to learn to be safe online. They won't learn that by being allowed unlimited unsupervised internet access.

Things change, and kids will need different skills. I don't think the ones being allowed all day every day have the happiest homes frankly, why aren't parents taking them anywhere?

t is said that the brain doesn't actually mature until the age of 25. Maybe we are just more responsible with our DC than our parents were?

A - doesn't FULLY mature

B - there's disputes over how that's assessed even by scientists

C - experience and behaviour is part of what develops that maturity

I have heard of parents insisting of coming into uni interviews with their kids, phoning up sick to work on behalf of their kids, and insisting on coming to job interviews with them. Young adults do not know what to do, if mum or dad cannot drive them, and are unable to think for themselves. I don't mean kids roaming the streets at primary school age, but once they start going to senior school, letting go of the reins a bit.

Graphista, yes, it's true, but it's up to each parents. Some are more protective than others. I do want my dc to have freedom that I had. But it's impossible to do the same these days. Only thing I can do is try not to interfere as much as possible, while keeping an eye on their safety.
When we go to the skate park with children, at least presence of us parents stop teenagers swearing at younger children.

It helped that my mum did not drive, so we had to use public transport, and I got used to it, and mum did let go a bit once I was a teen, its preparing them for adult life.

As I say my dd 17 so not massively older than today's primary age kids and I managed to raise her without constantly being at her shoulder.

She's turned out pretty well if I say so myself too.