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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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298 replies

RoloAddict · 20/02/2018 23:56

So this week we had a new IT manager start in our department at work. Met him for the first time yesterday.. Today was called into a meeting with him along with other staff. He then proceeded to reveal that he'd taken a look at each of our Facebook profiles the previous evening. What he revealed about mine was shocking Shock. By using my Facebook profile and nothing else but good old Google (he proved this by showing us how he did it) he had managed to find out..

My full address including house number!
My DHs full name
My maiden name
Our wedding date
My Dd's names, dates of birth and the sports club they attend.
My stepdaughters name and the school she attended
That I have a stepson.

Needless to say I was horrified. This man was a virtual stranger. We had no mutual friends and I'd never met him until yesterday. I've obviously changed my privacy settings entirely since then. Before I just assumed they were set so that only friends could view them. Can I PLEASE remind and encourage all of you (plus family and friends) to check your settings throughly. We were lucky this time that the person in question didn't mean us harm but it's been a huge wake up call.

OP posts:
ExhaustedAndHormonal · 21/02/2018 00:24

I have mine as private only thing you cant do is your current cover photo which is always public. But when a new one is uploaded u can click the old pic and set as ' only me or friends only'
I don't even have my birthday on mine visible to anyone.

What Suprises me is the amount of. People that do the copy and paste things like..
Name
How many chikdren
How long were the births
What year were they born
Three names you go by etc.
What sch did you attend

These are all generally from a public page.. So easy way to guess password.. As most would use significant information as memorable information. So example you've said your child is ' Fred born in 2003' they see your surname.. So hazard a guess 'Fredsmith2003.. Or Fredsmith03 etc and before you know it theybhave guessed a password.

It's easy to go thro all your account settings and change them all.. And photos..

Originalfoogirl · 21/02/2018 00:27

Classic, well known security question for banks and great for scammers to know.

And only a fool would actually give the right answer to it. It’s not exactly safe enough to be a security answer, even without social media it’s incredibly easy to find. I use the maiden name of a different female relative.

I would be quite annoyed if our IT dept did this. My personal security is none of their business and surely isn’t part of his job. Very creepy and stalkerish. Fine, of they want to tell you about security and ask if you are happy for them to do it, it to do it to make an example of you is shitty and I’d be telling them so.

Scabbersley · 21/02/2018 00:29

Yes I agree with this. I'd be really pissed off.

Stickystickstick · 21/02/2018 00:37

I had a bad experience with an online stalker who became a real life stalker by employing these techniques and a bit of fantasy & manipulation and that wasn’t even using my real name as a starting point. I can never understand people who leave open profiles through ignorance or worse those who claim they have nothing to hide. There’s a huge difference between nothing to hide & nowhere to hide. The latter is truly terrifying

GUMBYMUMBY · 21/02/2018 00:39

Well then. I am all over the internet and of course you can find people's addresses( eventually) but not via FB.
I am really unsure how you have managed to make information about your children public. Did he share all this information with your colleagues?
If so, that is pretty terrible...
OF COURSE you are meant to have your settings on PRIVATE. If you do not know how to us FB best thing is to stay off it.

It is very easy to lock down information on your FB account but you must use the settings and know what you are doing.

DreamyMcDreamy · 21/02/2018 00:46

And only a fool would actually give the right answer to it

Yeah, but they do. Frequently. In stupid memes on public pages like "What Is Your Porn Star Name?" find out by the name of your first pet and your mum's maiden name....
Then in the comments they run into 1000s and along the lines of "haha, OMG, I'm Fluffy Harrison!"
Takes a second of non thinking for the sake of a seemingly inoffensive game.

Riverside2 · 21/02/2018 00:54

OP sorry but I too am surprised that you're surprised.

You made all this info public. Why did you assume it was private? You're saying you never set it to private initially?

Riverside2 · 21/02/2018 00:56

PS agree it was creeoy that the guy did this
Did HR know he was doing this?

RoloAddict · 21/02/2018 00:57

He didn't reveal all in front of us.. Just gave us each an individual envelope with a piece of paper with the information on. This is how he got some of the information..

House address - I had photos of our home (interior and exterior) on my profile. I had a life event mentioning the village (it's tiny, only a few hundred houses in it) and the month/year we'd moved in. He went onto Google, typed in the village to Rightmove and was able to match the pictures to our house (it's quite distinctive) very quickly.

I had family photos on the profile of our children. In one a relative had commented "doesn't (dd's name) look beautiful in that dress" . So he knew her first name.. Similar comments from other photos revealed other dd's name.

I had a photo of DSD outside her school on gcse results day and and the usual "congratulations (DSD's name) on her fantastic Gcse results". Her db (stepson) was also tagged in the same post..

My maiden name - I put a status along the lines of "can't wait to go from Mrs.X to Mrs.Y tomorrow!" the night before our wedding......

Needless to say I feel like a total fool. I've well and truly learnt my lesson. I know people say they'd be angry at said manager but I'm truly grateful to him for this reminder. I think everyone else he'd done the same too felt the same once they had got over the shock

OP posts:
Riverside2 · 21/02/2018 01:01

Cross post
I can't believe you put all that online! I'd say that even if you have set it to private!!! Why on Earth would you put that boatload of info online?!

DreamyMcDreamy · 21/02/2018 01:01

Rolo that's all it takes, as you say.Might seem little snippets of not worthy information, but it all adds up when put together.

Oliversmumsarmy · 21/02/2018 01:04

Do people actually use their real name on Facebook? Only people who ask to friend me on Fb in RL do I tell what name I go by.

Also I have an internet birthday and I don't post pictures of myself.

But I do have a business so my name and address do come up. But I have changed my name a few times.

DreamyMcDreamy · 21/02/2018 01:06

Do people actually use their real name on Facebook? Only people who ask to friend me on Fb in RL do I tell what name I go by.

Yes, the majority of people on FB have their real names. Some do go by a nick name or pseudonym though.

Nanny0gg · 21/02/2018 01:07

What happens if you win a competition and are in the local paper? This happened to me - names, kids names, school, place of work

Someone in Nigeria, or India, or even the other end of the UK won't be reading your local paper...

HildaZelda · 21/02/2018 01:12

OP, by the sound of things you pretty much had a completely public profile and you 'assumed' that fb automatically made things private.
You sound very naive to be honest.

Cavender · 21/02/2018 01:16

I’m always pretty surprised by the number of MNers who answer those threads asking for age, income, hometown etc combine that information with a reasonably long posting history and you can find out all sorts of stuff about them.

Shadow666 · 21/02/2018 01:23

This will sound really stalkerish but there was a poster on another forum who used to reveal bits and pieces of information about herself. I knew her full name, her husband and children’s names, where she lived, where she worked, where her husband worked. It just came through drips and drabs of information. I’m sure I could have found out more if I actually tried.

Contesse · 21/02/2018 01:28

It's sometimes not even you- it's what other people share or make public which is terrifying as you can't control it.
I googled a doctor I'd been to a few times. Unusual surname. Whilst I found nothing of hers per se, (except the qualification background I'd been looking for), I got onto her brother's twitter, which was linked to his public Facebook, where another sister had commented, got to her profile, where her pics included pictures and names of original doctor's children, and the name of their primary school. That linked to some community group which had put up pictures of their Halloween party which she was in herself, dressed up as something embarrassing. A few clicks that were curious rather than sinister got the whole family's names and professions, her husband's business, her kids' school, an address, dodgy party snaps...

And I'm not even a tech head.

Cavender · 21/02/2018 01:35

Yep Shadow there was an infamous MNer (whose posting history has since been deleted) who I was also on another forum with.

I’d never “talked” to her either here or there but I knew her DH’s full name, his company name and location, her children’s names, what her house looked like and lots of personal details about her and her family.

Why would you? I can only imagine that her colleagues, his colleagues and half their town must have been privy to their whole life... Confused

SpidermansGoggles · 21/02/2018 01:55

It's actually really easy. About 6-7 years ago there was a cocky shit on a forum that posted some (what they thought were private) details. It was done in a Ha! nasty kind of way. She was so cocky.
So in 15 minutes from her username, information she had mentioned on the forum, I found her online and knew her home address, when they first got their house, children's details, in-laws details, work details, even pictures of their car.
15 minutes. So easy. Shockingly so.
As I result I deleted all SM and am very careful on here. I namechange every 2 posts.

mari652 · 21/02/2018 02:13

My daughter was asked permission for access to her social media at a job interview- I had worked in a role related to website security and had already told her to clean everything up and lock it down. It's not an unusual request nowadays.

ShamelesslyPlacemarking · 21/02/2018 02:34

To be honest, a halfway decent journalist could find out a lot of that stuff without the assistance of Facebook. Electoral rolls, property records, birth, death and marriage certificates, car ownership papers, etc are all a matter of public record or can be easily requested.

lookingforaline18 · 21/02/2018 02:42

A few weeks ago I deleted all of my cover photos because I didn't know how to make them private. I managed with my albums and profile pictures to make those private.
Am I being ridiculous for feeling terrible because I deleted them? I screenshotted them so I still have the photos but it's the fact that the dates have gone now.

chatwoo · 21/02/2018 02:51

@GreenTulips - there is a setting which can be selected and enables you to review all tags before you accept/reject them to your timeline.

slothface · 21/02/2018 02:54

OP I'm also surprised you're surprised, you seem to have knowingly uploaded a lot of information and kept your settings public, you don't need to be an experienced hacker to find out those things you've mentioned! I'm not sure what you thought would happen when you posted all that stuff?!