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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A DIL one

37 replies

MrsMaxwell · 20/02/2018 22:17

She’s not my DIL she’s my sons g/f. He is 20 and she is 18.

DD and I absolutely adore her. She has practically moved in here and DS1 works nights so she spends a lot of time with us and is part of our family.

They are going overseas for a few months and then planning on getting a place together. They will be the same age EXDH and I were when we married and had DS1.

Thing is they are very young and I know this might not be forever.

What happens if they do spilt up? Do I have to give her up too and is that when I become MIL from hell to whoever he does end up with? Grin

OP posts:
JohnLapsleyParlabane · 20/02/2018 22:20

Yes probably.
Grin don't worry about it, they might be together forever.

AnneLovesGilbert · 20/02/2018 22:23

They might be. Here’s hoping!

I still miss the one wonderful girl my brother dated when they were still at school. She was a top notch human being and I’ve grieved very slightly on meeting everyone else he’s dated or married. She was devastated when he dumped her.

She was way too good for him Grin

Original poster
MrsMaxwell · 20/02/2018 22:24

I worry DS does not appreciate her wonderfulness Grin

OP posts:
PaperdollCartoon · 20/02/2018 22:24

This is lovely. So often I see treads where MIL/DIL hates the other, it’s not always the case! I love my MIL, she’s fab.

NapQueen · 20/02/2018 22:27

Dh and I got together at 18 (32 now). He is a son to my parents and MIL is utterly perfect treats me like one of her own.

I like to think she will be the evil seawitch to whatever slip of a thing dh might end up with next (as soon as Heinous Farts become a legal reason to divorce).

nailyourcolours · 20/02/2018 22:29

I miss my sister's first husband. He was like a big brother to me (they married at 18 when I was 14 and they were together for over a decade). I saw him for a few years (despite my mother banning me from doing so!) but then he remarried and we drifted apart.

These things happen unfortunately.

QOD · 20/02/2018 22:30

I Wanted to keep dds boyfriend when they split up. So unfair. I got the grumpy one 😉

Original poster
MrsMaxwell · 20/02/2018 22:32

I know my parents couldn’t let go of my first husband and I really resented them for it Confused

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 20/02/2018 22:32

You could always keep her and ditch DS.

gingergenius · 20/02/2018 22:32

I miss my first bf's mum. We're still in touch even though I didn't marry her son

Original poster
MrsMaxwell · 20/02/2018 22:35

Oysterbabe

DD and I joke that we will Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsMaxwell · 20/02/2018 22:37

gingergenius

I miss my first bf's mum. We're still in touch even though I didn't marry her son

Her Mum left when she was 11 and it’s a bit of a difficult relationship for her and while I in no way replace that relationship it seems like it’s all a bit easier for her here.

OP posts:
Rudi44 · 20/02/2018 22:41

You sound lovely, and am sure you have raised your son to be every bit as lovely as you are even if he does play it cool.

mummmy2017 · 20/02/2018 22:42

I kept the MIL, love her dearly.

Finola1step · 20/02/2018 22:42

I was with my first real bf for 4 years from the age of 17. I got on really well with his family, especially his mum. When we split, I was deeply upset...because I had lost his family! They were furious with him but he was their beloved son.

I moved on, met my now dh and had a wonderful relationship with my MIL. But I do hope that my ex's Mum has had a good life and that she always compared his new gfs to me and that they came up wantingGrin

TinklyLittleLaugh · 20/02/2018 22:47

DS had a lovely one for his four uni years; I really liked her and. She was the perfect fit for our family. Sadly they split and he has just dallied with girls for the last two years. They have all been nice though; I think he has pretty good taste.

Original poster
MrsMaxwell · 20/02/2018 22:48

I really loved my first loves Mum actually and I think the feeling was mutual. I was only 16 when we split and I felt like I had to split with her too Sad never really saw her again.

Never managed a good relationship with any MILS.

I guess I want to get it right but with this one there is no effort at all.

OP posts:
ToffeePennie · 20/02/2018 23:00

my first proper boyfriends mum was wonderful. I worked with her and she was always a good laugh, sunny and cheery with a lovely outlook on life. She would make a great mil.
Unfortunately that’s not to be as her son broke my heart (luckily my now-husband arrived and put it back together) and since he chucked me he has bounced from girl to girl and not settled with anyone (although he has got a daughter now)
I still see her occasionally and wish she was my actual mil.

KurriKurri · 20/02/2018 23:01

I sometimes have these thoughts in those 'my God what if....' moments.
If (God forbid) my DS and his wife should ever split up, I couldn't bear to give up my beloved DDIL. I love her dearly.
Hopefully they will stay together forever Smile

My sister -in-law (or ex-sister-in-law?)and I have stayed friends since I divorced her brother - but we always got on better with each other than she did with her brother anyway.

gingergenius · 20/02/2018 23:12

I wish my ex MIL was as lovely as you op. She openly stated in front of my kids that she hates me with a passion.

Very sad for her. Not for me though! Can I adopt you?

Original poster
MrsMaxwell · 20/02/2018 23:14

When they go abroad they will see DS1 and DD’s Grandmother and my ex MIL.

The last time I saw her I was leaving NZ where she lived and DS1 was 18 months old and I was happily 4 months pregnant with DD and she said to me “it’s not too late you know, for an abortion” Sad obvs I would never tell them that but I kind of dislike her for it, amongst other things.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsMaxwell · 20/02/2018 23:14

gingergenius

Of course Grin

OP posts:
Mrsramsayscat · 20/02/2018 23:25

Ginger, that's terrible for you.

gingergenius · 20/02/2018 23:30

Yep! Wasn't that long ago either!

Longtime · 20/02/2018 23:50

We all love ds1´s gf. They have been together for five years. Oysterbabe, dd was saying how she hoped they wouldn’t split up and ds2 said “well I know which one we’re keeping if they do”!