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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour has been in my garden

38 replies

MiffedMummy · 20/02/2018 20:33

I live in a gff with small garden accessible by a small gate without a lock but it is very much our land.

I haven't been able to do any gardening as I was sick during my entire pregnancy and since having my DC I haven't been able to do it because DC has been very clingy so far - not a problem to me but doesn't allow me to do a whole lot. We have decking, lots of pebble type stuff surrounding it and a path to it, there were some weeds so what I did do was pour a shit load of weed killer on the weeds and they died, I had intended to pull them all up but never seem to have the time. I can't fault DH either, he works hard and is doing all the DIY we never managed to finish before our DC was born. DH has chopped some bits up in our garden and admittedly there was very small bits of broken wood, small bits of plastic, etc. that DH swept by our back door until we we did a big tidy of it all (although I do think DH should have binned that at the time).

I went out today and heard my neighbour walk quite quickly towards the door too, I expected that a conversation was imminent but my neighbour didn't come out. When I came home no more than 30 minutes later, my garden has been swept, bits just chucked on top of the pebbling, broom, mop, any other bits now chucked there too. I did notice neighbour had taken back over 30 pegs that seem to get there from washing hung above our garden and neighbour has also moved some broken materials from works that had been done to their flat into their garden, from ours (we would have taken into to the recycling centre when we went next so didn't bother moving it). Neighbour doesn't use their (very overgrown) garden which is behind ours and has no other reason to be out there.

I feel like it's a massive invasion of privacy coming in when I'm out, right up to the door and windows. AIBU?

OP posts:
TinyBarista · 20/02/2018 20:35

Could they have done it out of kindness? Thought maybe you could do with a little support and didn't want to make a big deal out of it or make you feel bad/insulted?

Scarydinosaurs · 20/02/2018 20:38

That sounds like such a lovely thing to have done for you. I would be so happy if someone did that for me.

HundredMilesAnHour · 20/02/2018 20:38

Just put a lock on your gate. Problem solved.

ThisLittleKitty · 20/02/2018 20:39

Gosh I would be over the moon if a neighbour cleaned my garden. They were probably trying to be helpful

NoqontroI · 20/02/2018 20:40

Sounds like they were trying to help?

Perendinate · 20/02/2018 20:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tapandgo · 20/02/2018 20:41

Are you saying your garden has become a bit of a neglected dumping ground that all the other neighbours have a view of, and one of them came in and made it more presentable for all?
If so I’d thank them.

ThisLittleKitty · 20/02/2018 20:41

And get a lock I don't think it's a massive invasion of privacy, it's not like they came in your house.

abundanceofhelens · 20/02/2018 20:42

I'm confused? You sound annoyed but do you mean they swept your garden?

Either they were trying to help or if it was a real mess perhaps they got sick of looking at it and decided to clear up. My parents did this for their (admittedly elderly) neighbour as a messy garden that can be seen from neighbouring windows is probably a bit of an eyesore.

Original poster
MiffedMummy · 20/02/2018 21:44

No one can really see my garden apart from 3 neighbours if they got quite close and 2 of those 3 have overgrown gardens. It wasn't an eyesore and especially considering the condition of nearby, just not as lovely as it once was.

Neighbour is quite hot and cold with us although has said has MH issues. I just didn't expect it was done to help me out, especially given their overgrown garden and everything now dumped in the middle. It'll be even harder to clear up now it's embedded in the pebbles, they'll all have to come up to clear it out. Yes, they've swept it but just moved it about. I'm not complaining that they've not done it properly but very confused. If someone came in your house because it was unlocked and hoovered you'd still find it off putting although nice someone hoovered, no?

OP posts:
ThisLittleKitty · 20/02/2018 21:50

House and garden are different IMO. I regularly have local boys coming into my front garden to get their footballs. Hell I've even had the upstairs neighbours kids in my front garden whilst the upstairs neighbour threw something down from the window to them!

100lbtolose · 20/02/2018 21:52

Sounds like they saw you're struggling to keep on top of it and did it out of kindness?

FluffyBunyip · 20/02/2018 21:55

I would NOT like this. There is something downright officious about it. It's not as if they offered and you accepted, or you asked.

Get a lock. YANBU.

Original poster
MiffedMummy · 20/02/2018 21:58

@ThisLittleKitty I used to have that kind of thing where I lived before, it wouldn't have bothered me there because of the relationship I had with those neighbours. I guess I'm not annoyed by the sweeping alone in itself but I'd just imagine you ask if I would like it if we don't talk much - I'd have jumped at the chance. But I do think it's odd to wait until I went out.

Once I went away on holiday and a friend rearranged my entire wardrobe so it was colour coordinated...I also didn't like that. Maybe I'm the odd one.

OP posts:
juddyrockingcloggs · 20/02/2018 22:12

My next door neighbour does this all the time! When we had our kitchen done and the back garden was filled with the old kitchen he even cleared all that out and took it to the skip in his little van. All without us asking or him enquiringly! When we had the new gate put on he asked for a key and every week he now comes in on a Tuesday night and puts the bins out for the following morning! He's probably more useful than my husband!

inkandstone · 20/02/2018 22:18

Maybe they just wanted to get their pegs back and didn't mean anything sinister by it.

LadyLapsang · 20/02/2018 22:23

juddyrockingcloggs, my vote for quote of the day - He is probably more useful than my husband! My lovely neighbour let himself into our garden and mended our summerhouse after a storm while DH was abroad.

ThisLittleKitty · 20/02/2018 22:24

I've never spoken to my upstairs neighbours I was abit Confused about it as I was sat in my living room bf, but not enough to get worked up about it. Just basically don't get worked up about it, can't you put a lock on?

zzzzz · 20/02/2018 22:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Riverside2 · 20/02/2018 22:39

Yanbu
They had no business in your garden moving your things.

TopOfTheCliff · 20/02/2018 22:40

If a random neighbour came into my garden and fiddled around I would be furious and think it a huge invasion of privacy. If one of my nice neighbours came and tidied up I would make them a cake to thank them as our garden is full of crap and needs a good sort out. Only you can judge your relationship with this person.
What are the MH issues? Are they creepy?

FrancisCrawford · 20/02/2018 22:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2018SoFarSoGreat · 20/02/2018 22:59

It is rather odd but I suspect meant well.

I just hired a gardener to do our rather small front lawn twice a month. Next door is a long term rental, and rather run down. I arranged (and shall pay) to have their lawn done twice monthly at the same time as mine, since it abuts my driveway. I'm hoping nothing shall be said but I mean well. Is that rather odd or offensive? Should I have said something?

Original poster
MiffedMummy · 20/02/2018 23:24

@2018SoFarSoGreat, it's nice of you but do you talk much? Will the gardener need to open a gate to get in? Is it right by their window?

@TopOfTheCliff Not creepy, just eccentric and as someone else said comes off officious. I'm not sure on the official diagnosis but manifests itself in blowing hot and cold, can get annoyed about small things quite easily and a curtain twitcher, very overly concerned about what we're doing.

Writing this I have just had the realisation that in our echoey bathroom 2 days ago I said I could only dream about a lovely garden again at the moment. Doesn't warrant it, especially not dumping it on the pebbles but may be that and the neighbour has heard.

OP posts:
2018SoFarSoGreat · 20/02/2018 23:29

Miffed I've just moved in and have not yet met them :( DH has, says they are lovely. it is in front of the garage, so not near windows at all. Just next to the driveway and garage.

Have just asked DH and he said previous owner told him he paid for it to be done as well. Phew. What a relief we were of the same mind.

I'm a bit Shock at the thought of your neighbor hearing you talk in the bathroom though. Now that is creepy!

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