about this charity worker?

[TheStickSong]

NCed just in case I am BU.

I work freelance and have recently taken to working in a public space. I sit at my laptop with my headphones on and occasionally get up for coffee or for the loo. I will smile and acknowledge people but don't chat. I am there for about three hours three or four times a week and have been for the past month or so.

There is a stall set up near the coffee shop on site for a well known local charity. It is an excellent organisation who do wonderful, difficult work. The stall is manned by the same chap every time I go in. His job it seems is to try to get people to sign up for a direct debit to the charity.

Every person who walks past him is greeted with a "hello love" or "alright chap" and asked if they have a minute. When they say no he is very polite and affable.

Here's my problem. I have to walk past him to get coffee, and to go to the toilet. Then I have to walk back past him again. EVERY SINGLE TIME he says hello. I say hello back on the first one of the day, smile at the second one but once it gets to the third or fourth time I avoid eye contact and try to be involved with something else.

When I was leaving today, he said hello again and I ignored him (I wasn't even near him at the time but I was the only person in the vicinity) so he shouted it across the building. At which point I scurried out.

Is it me? AIBU to want him to leave me alone? I can cope with a first thing in the morning "hello", that's just polite. But the subsequent ones feel more and more intrusive and the last one today was, I felt, a bit aggressive. I don't want to be a drama llama about it but should I say something? To him? To the charity? And if so, what?

Uggh chuggers. I loathe them and wish it could be made illegal. I get that charities need to drum up cash but they are so incredibly unethical, always targeting vulnerable looking people or behaving in ways that humiliate and embarrass passers by. I would go with a polite but brief smile and look away, then just ignore.

Why would you say anything to the charity? Just say 'hey' or something.

An “aggressive” Hello? I can’t picture that. I think on balance YABU. He’s just doing his job, and if you choose to sit in a public place, the downside is having to interact with the public. If you don’t like it, rent a desk in a hotdesking hub somewhere. And please don’t say something to the charity.

Ignore him. I don't think you can complain to the charity that he says "hello". I think you're being a bit of a drama queen TBH. "Hello" is intrusive? Really?

Because he must surely recognise me by now. to be clear, he'll say hello first thing when I go and get coffee. Then say hello when I go back to sit down. Then say hello as I go to and from the toilet. It's just ridiculous. He has the manner of someone trying to draw me into conversation and I don't want to but his persistence is making me feel rude.

So either just ignore him or say "coffee time" or whatever.

That's what chuggers do, rely on making people feel uncomfortable enough to do something they don't want to. It's a thoroughly unpleasant and IMO unethical business model.

Sounds awful. Is there no other coffee shop?

It's not a coffee shop it's a campus with a library, cafe, gym, etc all in one place. The library has a special working area where you can have your coffee and use the wifi - it's amazing!

Sounds like you'll either have to tolerate friend zone or start blanking him.

He probably sees so many people (without actually 'seeing' them) that he doesn't realise you're a repeat viewing (as it were). You're just not memorable enough
Don't take it personally, just vaguely acknowledge him every time and thank your lucky stars you don't have his job.

I agree that he sees so many people he just won't realise it's the same person. Unless u are wildly memorable then why would he recognise u?

I work in a shop. I often find myself saying 'hello' to people when they come through the door, hello again if the walk past my till and then hello again when they come up to be served. It's just automatic, I barely register who it is I'm talking to.

I suspect it's the same for this guy, he says 'hello' to everyone who walks past, regardless of whether he said 'hello' to them five minutes before. It's like an automatic response after a while.

I can see how this would get annoying. Just give him the smile and nod.

I'm sorry but I'm laughing at the idea of complaining to the charity that he says "hello"

Also thinking of Derek and Clive now, this bloke came up to me...

Not sure if this applies to you / him OP as you say you are working inside a public space and I think this might be about collectors in the street, but it does say charity collectors can't approach people who are deemed to be working.

The Independent Crack Down On Charity Chuggers. "Nor can they approach members of the public deemed to be "on-duty", banning them from approaching anyone who might be working."

That's been introduced by the Public Fundraising Regulatory Association in 2012, so maybe just reply with "Sorry, I'm working" every time he says hello to you.

He is only saying hello though, he doesn't ask her for donations. He might be saying hello so often as he recognises her as a fellow worker.

My ex said hello to me every time he entered the room. Even if he'd only popped out for a second. Gave me the absolute irrational rage. YANBU.

I think people are missing the fact that when you ignored him, he bellowed "HELLO" after you, demanding acknowledgement. That takes this into a different territory from a polite person who is habitually saying 'hello'. It's up there with "Smile love, it might never happen" in terms of the fact that it's actually a demand. And I bet this guy would not have done it to a bloke.

I have been thinking about this recently. I was in a bookshop at the weekend, and an older guy just muscled right into my space, forcing me to choose between being utterly squashed in, or moving out of his way. And I thought how utterly entitled that was, and how privileged, that he could treat the section like he owned it, and me as a provisional and temporary inconvenience to be shifted out. I can pretty much guarantee that I know more about this particular area that he did, too.

Why not just keep your headphones on when you walk past? You don't even have to have any music on but act like you do. If you see him saying hello just mouth back hello the first few times and wave as though you can't hear him over the music. After that, ignore.

He's not just saying hello though, he's shouting it at her across the building after she clearly ignored him because he's spoken to her for the nth time and she wants to be left alone.

I agree with Whiskey - his shouting after you when you ignored him was inappropriate and could be harassing. I would ignore it once, but if he did it again I'd act.

I would be very direct about politely calling him on it - next time I went there I would approach him and say something along the lines of "Hi, I really didn't appreciate you shouting across the room at me at the end of the day on Tuesday. I say Hello to you several times when I'm here, but I'm not going do it every single time I pass you by. There is really no need to be rude just because you don't get a response sometimes." And then go and get coffee and sit down (saying hello if he says it nicely, but not responding if he's an ass about it) and work.

I would not dress up my request to him with nice fluff language first (e.g. "It's nice to see you again." ) and I would not be angling to get him to explain his behaviour or apologise or the like. Because the point you want to get across is that you are prepared to be normally civil, but you aren't there to make his day better or provide him with conversation.

If he repeats the behaviour in any way or does anything else that isn't easily ignored I would complain to the charity and the building management.

To those who are suggesting that he doesn't recognise me, how very dare you! I would agree with you if it were a busier place but it really isn't. People who use the library don't have to walk past him at all which cuts down the traffic. I'm trying really hard not to make assumptions but it does feel like he does recognise me. I've thought about the other days when I've worked there and I think he tends to do it more when he's got his mate with him. There are times when he doesn't say anything and those tend to be the times he is on his own. I have no idea what that might mean!

With regards talking to the charity, my thought was that such a lovely charity would probably want to know if their supporters were being a bit over-enthusiastic. I'm not talking about getting him sacked or anything like that but I would suggest a little bit of training might help.

I'm off to google the Derek and Clive sketch!

I think people are missing the fact that when you ignored him, he bellowed "HELLO" after you, demanding acknowledgement.
I was assuming (possibly wrongly) that he was trying to attract the attention of the only possible next victim in the hope that she'd come over and sign up, and his shouting was because she was far away and he was way too keen to realise that anyone not within normal conversation is not an acceptable target or just lacked manners and didn't want anyone escaping his clutches. I didn't think he was wanting personal acknowledgement - just that he was too invested in his chugging.