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AIBU?

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Original poster

Rude teenager....then blames me...

38 replies

GaynorGoodwin · 20/02/2018 14:57

My DD is 18 and currently off from college on half term. She was due to go to the cinema with friends so I asked her if ‘she was ok for money’? I got a grunt but then put the tenner under her mouse on the desk. She then told me to ‘get out of the room’ when I enquirer what time she was going. I told her I thought her to be very rude and swiftly took the tenner back.

I honestly do not understand her attitude. She’s moody, rude, mostly stays in her pit of a bedroom and rarely is nice when spoken to. This all happened a few hours ago and we not spoken since.

Another friend is due to stay over this Friday night in the spare room and I was thinking of telling her she couldn’t due to her bad attitude. I am taking it too far or should I just ignore?

Anyone with advice please. Also I’m not well as I’ve had larngitis and I’m just so fed up....

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 20/02/2018 14:59

Personally, I'd say no to Friday (and why) but be prepared for a major toddler teenage tantrum...

GUMBYMUMBY · 20/02/2018 15:00

Gosh if I would have been given £10 as a teenager I would have thought it was my birthday.
I guess you have tried talking to her?

scrappymeerkat · 20/02/2018 15:01

I can understand why you'd be upset because she should be grateful not rude, but she's 18.

I'd cut her some slack and would ignore it for now but mine haven't yet reached teen years... I might feel differently then. Grin hope you get better soon!

Trinity66 · 20/02/2018 15:04

18 seems a bit old for grumpy teenagers, she should be snapping out of that carry on by now. I wouldn't allow her to have anyone stay over until she acknowledged she was being horrible and apologised to be honest

Justmuddlingalong · 20/02/2018 15:05

Cancel Friday. You're ill and if she can't be civil and thinks she's getting away with it, chances are she'll be worse with an audience.

Storminateapot · 20/02/2018 15:07

Is this a sudden thing or is she usually like that? My DD is 18 too, I just showed her this & she said she wouldn't dare/dream of talking to me like that. Just as well because she'd get short shrift! I can always tell when she's due her period though because she gets a bit snappy & irritable. Could that be it?

If it were my child I'd try to get them at a quiet moment and gently point out they seem to be so angry & hostile, what's wrong. If it's a case of general disrespect & getting too big for her boots I don't know what I'd do to be honest.

Original poster
GaynorGoodwin · 20/02/2018 15:13

Thanks to you all. I’m absolutely sick of her. Since she’s not gone out I’m assuming the plans have gone south. I knew one of them pulled out (she told her her dad this morning before he went to work) if I ask, I’m considered nosey! She talks to him more than me and I find that difficult too, but try not to let it bother me. I never show it anyway. I’m going back to work soon and can’t wait, I’m sick of this.

OP posts:
Original poster
GaynorGoodwin · 20/02/2018 15:15

@Storm...I think she is getting too big for her boots and I don’t know what to do. I’m in the kitchen and my eyes are tearing up.

Not sure what to do for the best. I’m not well enough to even walk the dog yet.

OP posts:
surlycurly · 20/02/2018 15:16

She sounds like she has a bigger issue. At 18 most teens have stopped the unreasonable back chat. Is she depressed?

HolyMountain · 20/02/2018 15:16

She's a young adult, too old for that rudeness and I've had 3 of them, ds being my youngest; he's 18.

I'd be furious if he told me to get out of the room and yes I'd say no way is a friend staying when she's so bloody rude.

Thisseatistaken · 20/02/2018 15:17

My middle two are 18 and 16 and they are like this too. I can’t offer any solutions- but would just say I feel your pain.

HolyMountain · 20/02/2018 15:18

Is this a recent change in attitude or has she always been surly?

Trinity66 · 20/02/2018 15:18

I think you need to have a chat with your DH and explain to him that he needs to back you up (especially since she probably thinks it's ok to talk to you like that as long as dad is on her side) and then the two of you should sit her down and tell her her behaviour is disrespectful and not on. She's an adult now ffs not a child

wink1970 · 20/02/2018 15:18

18 is quite late for moody strops. On the other hand, she might be (a) having trouble at college, (b) not coping well with life, or (c) taking drugs or partying hard, which has 'come down' effects (hopefully just smoking, which most teenagers try)

I'm not being alarmist, I've had 2 x 18yr olds and went through at least 2 of these. I also WAS an 18 yr old going through at least 2 of these!

Talk to her; take in a cuppa and have a chat, ask her how she's doing etc. If she really is just being moody, THEN cancel Friday.

Justmuddlingalong · 20/02/2018 15:21

I'd leave any big chats until you're feeling better. Then all 3 of you sit down and set some ground rules.

Darcychu · 20/02/2018 15:25

18 is way to old to be acting like that, i wouldn't have dreamed of talking to my mother like that when i was 18 and i'm only 24 now.good on you for taking back the money. What a ungrateful girl.

derekthe1adyhamster · 20/02/2018 15:27

yep my nearly 18 year old isn't talking to me, I am the reason he is so stressed at the moment blah blah blah.

He has never been like this but he's in love for the first time and dealing with his gf shit as well as under stress because of A levels & mocks, and has started to self harm.

I am not dealing with it at all so I shall pass you tissues, It's the first time he's turned on me, so I am letting him get on with it and will talk to him when he is calmer (he's away at boarding school so we can have a break)

diddl · 20/02/2018 15:36

" but she's 18."
Hmm

MissionItsPossible · 20/02/2018 15:37

How rude. Glad you took the money back.

MichaelBendfaster · 20/02/2018 15:45

18 seems a bit old for grumpy teenagers, she should be snapping out of that carry on by now

Couldn't agree more. I'd stop giving her money and explain why. Certainly cancel Friday. make her move out and look after her fucking self

Idontevencareanymore · 20/02/2018 15:46

I'd be sitting her down and explaining to her that her attitude is not only unpleasant but just damn rude.

She's 18 not 13. She's an adult,old enough to know you don't treat people like something you'd wipe off your shoe, let alone a parent.
I'd also be telling her that unless something gives(she explains or tries to explain her current mood) then you won't be allowing friends.

Sorry you're poorly op, hope you feel better soon.

Feckitall · 20/02/2018 15:49

As others have said too old for strops.
Call her in...ask for explanation..an apology is only acceptable response. Otherwise door is at front of house, she can feel free to use it.
She can have friends round when she has her own place.

billybagpuss · 20/02/2018 15:51

Can I go against the grain here? I think you need to reach out.

I'm suffering from similar age teenagers and have had a hell of a couple of years and kids can be quite nasty still at that age. She is probably dealing with a lot and you are the easy outlet for her frustration.

Maybe start the conversation with pizza and an 'are you ok?'

Namechangetempissue · 20/02/2018 15:57

I would ask her (nicely) what the issue is. She obviously has one.
If I had spoken to my parents like that at 18 (and there was no way I would have done, I had already been working full time for two years and was far beyond my mum giving me pocket money and considered myself a grown up) I would have been told to sort my attitude out or to find somewhere else to live!
What is her situation? Is she studying/working/part time work? Is she feeling depressed?

correctpiece · 20/02/2018 16:06

Call Friday off. She is an adult and should be treayed like one. No other adult would be allowed to use your home as a hotel for friends if they told you to "get out". So no, no friend over, no money handouts, no nothing except basic food and shelter until she learns to play nice. 18 though? She sounds very immature.

Your DH didn't give her money did he? You have to both be on the same page or ahe may play you off against each other.

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