Why don't men learn?? (Relatively lighthearted

[monkeysee100]

Fed DD- the cereal bag is wide open
Went to put dishes away. Half need re doing
Went to wash dishes- rubbers gloves are soaking. On the inside! He doesn't even use them.
The shopping bags are left in the kitchen. Instead of being returned to the boot.

😡😡😡

They simply can't be arsed. No attention to detail

Every one of my female friends has the same complaint - as do I.

I think it's stubbornness.

If they weren't trained in their younger years, they never learn!
I see your open cereal, dirty dishes and wet gloves (I hate hate hate that, I get a bit possessive over my rubber gloves)🤦🏼‍♀️ and I raise you used bath towels left on the bed, boxer shorts and yesterday's clothes on the floor by his side of the bed, butter dish with lid left off, milk left on counter instead of being replaced into the fridge. Also coffee rings anywhere he takes his cup and multiple cups, plates and rubbish left in his office 🤷‍♀️

Wrappers left on worktop next to bin....aaargh! Teatowrl sisked and left in a soaking heap on the worktop rather than hung up to dry off, so now worktop needs cleaned again, sink never rinsed out after cereal is dumped!!!!

Dishes brought to the dishwasher but not actually put into it.

Because they get away with it by being enabled by the women around them. Reinforces their behaviour, no incentive to change when there are no consequences.

This is the source of almost all arguments in my house. Putting whites in with darks so they are all grey. Not folding washing. Not being arsed to recycle. “Cleaning” bathroom but not doing the shower because he forgot. Thinking housework = hoovering... I could go on and on and on.

What do you do when you find these things?
Do you tidy up after him or get him to rectify it?
Dh used to be like this but what made him stop was me going and getting him and then standing over him while he did it properly (even if something that took 1 minute then took 10).
I think they do it either because they don't notice or care and it doesn't matter to them because the cereal box will magically close itself so when he needs to use it next the cereal isn't stale, the dishes magically clean themselves so they don't pile up etc etc. there's no incentive for them to do it correctly. However if you drag them away from whatever they're doing and get them to clean properly they learn soon enough..

Urgh i have one of these

I now refuse to wash clothing that isnt in a washing basket. And leave cups and glasses he has upstairs on his bedside table. Once a week he will usually deal with it.

He went to work this morning and left this milk out (everyone else in bed)
On his side of the bed there are currently work clothes from last week, two glasses and an overflowing bin

Thats not "men". Might be your man, but no need for the stupid sexist stereotyping.

I've been very clear with DH that the DC needs to see him doing his fair share. Yeah Daddy is a big boss at work but at home he puts his plate in the dishwasher, puts his rubbish in the bin and his dirty laundry in the correct color basket.

If your DP can't run a house/look after children and you find it amusing, you are as conditioned as they are that Women have to bear the whole load of domestic life, it isn't funny.

I have a DD with moderate LDs if she couldn't do what many claim their DPs can't, I'd feel ashamed because I haven't done my job right in raising her.

I'd be looking at my DP and just thinking "what a gobshite".

Dishes brought to the dishwasher but not actually put into it.

I can assure you from experience this is not something which is limited to men. Neither is leaving the work surface smeared with honey and covered with breadcrumbs after breakfast (but leaving it for someone else to clean up), leaving the heater hung with stuff when there's no-one in the house, leaving DD without her bike because they don't know (e.g. can't be arsed to learn) how to put a chain back on, etc.

LTB

I combine just doing because it's easier and telling him but that could actually take the rest of our lives.

I think this is maybe the 50th thread I've created on this. I've noticed that as my work load has increased (promotions, HE study) he half arses his way along. He and his siblings left home late and weee never shown how to do things

Threads like this one remind me how lucky I must be as my dh is a stickler for putting things away
The downside is he often tidies away my stuff and I have to spend an eternity looking for it

With all due respect OP creating threads won't help you.
Do something about it.

By the way just "doing it" maybe easier right now but he's never going to learn if you just do it for him.
Just (as I describe upthread) force him to do it (until he gets sick of it) or completely leave it until the house is a shithole and wait for him to snap. The latter isn't too practical if you've got kids though

Men are oppressors and chauvinistic pigs and should all be shot or at least made to do the dishes forevermore.

Amen.

I dread the state of the kitchen after OH has cooked. I’d rather cook myself and have less to clear up, and that’s saying something as I’m an awful cook and he’s pretty good. He has this annoying thing whereby he spends time stacking all the dirty dishes up on the side (when in the same time could could have been put in the dishwasher) and thinks it’s really helpful. Lids get left off bottles, jars etc
I’m trying to recall if he did this when he lived on his own.
So bloody annoying. I moan, but manage while I’m on mat leave, but as soon as I go back to work it better change. Otherwise I’ll be back on mn with my own thread about wanting to bury OH in the back garden

Because they get away with it by being enabled by the women around them. Reinforces their behaviour, no incentive to change when there are no consequences.

This ^.

I've noticed that as my work load has increased (promotions, HE study) he half arses his way along. He and his siblings left home late and weee never shown how to do things

OP, with respect, don't you think there may be a relationship between your promotions and successes and his increased inability to contribute equally to the running of your household?

And you can't put an inability to return shopping bags to the car, wash up, or reclose cereal down to 'never being shown' -- none of these require any skill or know-how, only being able to be bothered, or realising that your spouse is not there to clean up after you.

It’s certainly true of my DH. Certain things he will do thoroughly but others he just can’t be arsed.

If he washes up (great) he leaves all the greasy food/residue in the sink which then needs to be cleaned. Whereas a rinse would take seconds.

If he cooks he won’t clean up food splashes which then need to be scrubbed off instead of a quick wipe.

Etc etc. But the problem I have is he always gets incredibly arsey with me when I bring it up. I’m the one moaning/nagging. So I can’t win. Damned whatever I do. I do not know the answer.

Because they get away with it by being enabled by the women around them

This ^^

Because he thinks it's your job and his time is more valuable than his.

I know that's not the light hearted answer you wanted but if I assume he's a fully functioning adult who manages to hold down and job, drive a car, maintain relationships etc like an adult, then it can't be because he's stupid, or can't complete tasks, or lacks any of the skills mentioned by PPs. The reality is he doesn't want to do it so he doesn't. He lets you do it.

*his time is more valuable than yours