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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask about your intrusive thoughts

54 replies

AnxiousPeg · 18/02/2018 22:53

I've name changed for this. Not totally sure why... just that it's weird.

Occasionally I get a thought that bothers me. I have a long history of dealing with this and mostly, nowadays, I'm quite robust.

But the very fact that occasionally a thought just 'sticks' unnerves me. It makes me think that there's something special or 'woo' about that thought, and then it bothers me even more.

Clearly, these thoughts are always bad ones. I've had one this evening, and it's getting me down.

Does anyone else have this?

OP posts:
iggleypiggly · 18/02/2018 22:55

Do you think you have OCD? May be worth googling and see if you have the signs Flowers

Largebucket · 18/02/2018 22:57

I did when I had OCD. I didn’t know what OCD was when it first developed, I just thought I was this really terrible person for having these awful thoughts. When I understood how common it was it helped me to be able to say to myself that it was just a symptom of underlying anxiety and to cut myself off from dwelling on it.

bricksareheavy · 18/02/2018 22:57

This could be OCD.
There’s a type of OCD called Pure O, which focuses more on the obsessional thinking aspect of OCD rather than the compulsion side (i.e. it may or may not have a subsequent action to fulfill after getting the thought).
If these thoughts are troubling you then I would advise speaking to your doctor for advice as there are a lot of great resources to access which might help.

LuluBellaBlue · 18/02/2018 22:59

I had these for years - turns out I had undiagnosed PTSD from aged 18-32...... not saying it is these and think people also can just get them from negative thinking cycle / depression etc but might be worth speaking to a therapist to see how best to combat them?
Perhaps just noticing them, thanking thought and accepting it? Instead of battling with it.

Original poster
AnxiousPeg · 18/02/2018 22:59

Well, I've always thought I do have OCD (got a few books on the topic) but medical professionals have never really agreed. I function pretty well. I went through a breakdown about 9 years ago, got counselling etc and have been really well since.

Jusu occasionally something trips me up.

OP posts:
Thelampshadelady · 18/02/2018 22:59

I’m an ocd sufferer of many years. It’s taken me a long time to realise thoughts mean nothing. They are not me just my ocd. It is incredibly difficult to deal with but with the correct help, can be manageable.

MadRainbow · 18/02/2018 23:01

I have said thoughts and was told it's an OCD when I went to CBT. They can be horrific but the older I've gotten the more manageable they've become.

Original poster
AnxiousPeg · 18/02/2018 23:02

Basically, I was looking at my daughter earlier, trying to imagine her as an adult. And I had this little thought "Oh, surely she'll always be like this (ie 4 years old and cute)" but then I suddenly panicked that this meant she wouldn't get to adulthood, and, despite my having told myself many times in the past that I have zero psychic ability, I managed to freak myself out. Felt all weird all evening.

OP posts:
coffeeclouds · 18/02/2018 23:08

I've had phases of obsessive thoughts - particularly bad when I had anxiety disorder and then years later pnd.

I think cbt helped to a certain extent. I was so terrified of the thoughts it made them go round in my head more as I tried to push them away. On the whole I now realise they are just thoughts and while horrible will do no harm but I still do get flickers of it when I'm going through a particularly stressed or anxious period.

Frustratedboarder · 18/02/2018 23:09

I've had intrusive thoughts for years and I No Way fit the textbook definition of OCD! It varies in severity but I've found when I'm going through a period of high anxiety - Although I'm naturally quite an anxious person anyway - is when they tend to get worse. There are various 'mind techniques' that can help/have helped me in the past but the best help in my coping with them has been what pp have suggested - try to acknowledge they are just random thoughts and not actually you; I sometimes feel like it's as my brain is having a wee stall or hiccup and that's why it's happening?! Seems to help me anyway!

Try not to take them too personally. Flowers

BestZebbie · 18/02/2018 23:09

You are right, your thought will not have any bearing or relationship to your daughter's health.

You may have full-on intrusive thought there, or have given yourself a guilt trip thinking that on some level you wish she would stay 4 forever and maybe that implies that you don't actually want her to grow up. That isn't actually a logical inference to draw, but that has never stopped guilt!

Original poster
AnxiousPeg · 18/02/2018 23:13

Thank you all for your kind responses. They have helped! I feel that, being something of a veteran of the intrusive thought, I sometimes just need a little boost to get me through these rogue ones.

I have guilt big time. I think that's often what sets them off. My four year old, though adorable , is hard work, and I am often exasperated by her! Then I feel bad...

OP posts:
MadRainbow · 18/02/2018 23:13

OP I really would recommend CBT to help you get through these, they are unsettling but can be dealt with. I know I used to see things so vividly and then just burst into uncontrollable tears, now I can deal with them far more calmly.

ChickenMe · 18/02/2018 23:13

I had a lot of intrusive thoughts when I was in the thick of pnd (which manifested itself as anxiety and OCD according to the doctor rather than the classic idea of depression). It's not so bad now (I take meds) but can be really scary because it feels like they are true.

ThisIsTheRealMe · 18/02/2018 23:14

That sounds exactly like OCD, I have this - been diagnosed and it is intrusive thoughts.

Most GP's don't know enough about it to agree, I had one tell me that because I didn't wash my hands all the time that I didn't have OCD. Hmm

coffeeclouds · 18/02/2018 23:21

Thisis, I once had a doctor laugh at me when I tried to explain what was going round in my head. I don't think he realised how brave I was being actually voicing the things I was so terrified of. Told me I had 'baby blues' and sent me on my way. I went home and cried my eyes out.

Original poster
AnxiousPeg · 18/02/2018 23:22

Yeah- basically, the psychiatric nurse I saw at the time (when I had my breakdown) told me OCD was more linked with behaviour than thoughts. But I've read up on it, and it always rang a bell.

My breakdown was triggered by doubt and anxiety about things that, in reality, hadn't happened. I had had depression previously too, and, at a challenging moment in my life, something broke in my mind.

Generally, I have been well since. Weirdly, it's when things are going well that my thoughts get going. I have a self-sabotage streak, it seems.

OP posts:
Largebucket · 19/02/2018 02:15

When I worried about this the thoughts got worse and worse, like my anxiety was screaming at me to pay attention. It was as if it was a separate entity trying to say “Look, this is REALLY bad, you’re a really callous cow if you ignore, it might COME TRUE”. I plucked up the courage to treat it like a tantruming toddler and gradually it subsided to the point where it isn’t a problem anymore. I found that a quick “No” sentence that I would think just once when the thoughts appeared helped me. I had to make sure this didn’t spiral into an extended ritual so I’d make sure it was just once and I’d concentrate on clearing my brain. I found really helped to think of the thoughts as part of an anxiety trait and a really common thing for anxious people to develop and it didn’t mean that I was a bad person - just bog-standard anxious and not unique in any way.

Original poster
AnxiousPeg · 19/02/2018 07:00

Thank you. That makes sense. I need to focus on other things.

OP posts:
ThisIsTheRealMe · 19/02/2018 07:24

It's taken me a while to get control of it but I now am able to stop my compulsive behaviour by repeating in my head and sometimes out loud - this is an intrusive thought.

There's loads of self help books that offer different techniques to manage it.

The 'self sabotage' thing is me too - if I'm well then it goes round my head that something will go wrong - that's an intrusive thought too.

AnneTwacky · 19/02/2018 07:24

I used to suffer with horrible disturbing instrusive thoughts. When I finally got the courage to speak to the doctor, it turned out to be OCD.

If they're upsetting you, then it's well worth mentioning to your GP.

abeautifulmess · 19/02/2018 08:01

I was going to mention OCD too. I find that this definitely plays a big role in my intrusive thoughts and, depending how anxious I am at the time, my ability to accept them as just thoughts. Recently I have been trying to use mindfulness approaches (maybe look at 'Headspace' or 'Breathe' apps) to help me note thoughts as thoughts and let them pass. It is very difficult to do though and I still find myself regularly crippled by them.

Gilead · 19/02/2018 08:08

I have a ds with Pure O. He has been to hell and back with it. He's now receiving treatment. He has no rituals or behaviours, just the thoughts. Overwhelming and all consuming no matter how much he tries to deal with it. The psychiatric nurse you saw Anxious was wrong. OCD is not just ritual behaviours and the thoughts you are experiencing are OCD. It is however incredibly common and can be helped with CBT.

You're four year old being exasperating, that's normal. Don't feel bad about getting exasperated, that's life.
Hope you feel better soon. Flowers

Original poster
AnxiousPeg · 19/02/2018 08:15

Thank you. It's a bit of a vicious circle when one of these crops up... the very fact that the thought bothers me makes me take it more seriously, which in turn makes it bother me more.

I go back to the thought and try to work out where it sprang from- which doesn't really work...

OP posts:
Backenette · 19/02/2018 08:21

It sounds very like ocd, pure o type.

I’m a rational, skeptical scientist and I suffered from this horribly after the birth of my son. I knew the thoughts were irrational, I knew they were illogical. I understood the concept of magical thinking and still, I kept having them - massively distressing

Cbt I found no help at all. Interpretive psychotherapy helped enormously.

I would get some help - you don’t have to go with the aim of getting a label, just go with the symptom: “I’m having intrusive thoughts and magical thinking patterns - I’m aware it’s illogical and I find it distressing, is this something you can help with.”