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Original poster

To ask about your intrusive thoughts

54 replies

AnxiousPeg · 18/02/2018 22:53

I've name changed for this. Not totally sure why... just that it's weird.

Occasionally I get a thought that bothers me. I have a long history of dealing with this and mostly, nowadays, I'm quite robust.

But the very fact that occasionally a thought just 'sticks' unnerves me. It makes me think that there's something special or 'woo' about that thought, and then it bothers me even more.

Clearly, these thoughts are always bad ones. I've had one this evening, and it's getting me down.

Does anyone else have this?

OP posts:
Backenette · 19/02/2018 08:22

Yes we worked through that precise cycle in therapy : what happens when the though intrudes, how you deal with it, etc etc.

I found therapy very useful. This kind of thinking responds really well to treatment- hope you find one that works for you

Nikephorus · 19/02/2018 08:31

Most GP's don't know enough about it to agree, I had one tell me that because I didn't wash my hands all the time that I didn't have OCD
I had a doctor tell me that because I could leave the house when I really had to I didn't have OCD. She didn't take into account that I was (and still am to an extent) the sort of person that will do something if they've promised someone else, however hard it is, and so would make it out to the odd client meeting because I couldn't not do it - the OCD was stopping me doing everything else that I wanted to do for myself.
And I still have intrusive thoughts, I've just learnt to tell myself that they're just OCD and not what I really think. (Apart from the ones that involve possible gas leaks, security issues, and flames running up the inside of the walls from electrical faults!!!)

Eolian · 19/02/2018 08:34

I read something helpful about this once. It said that intrusive negative thoughts are just part of your brain's primitive 'security system'. It checks for danger and threat in order to keep you safe, but it can be a bit OTT about it, so it's easy to get scared by the thoughts themselves, and assume that because your brain thought of a threat, it must be actually there!

It was probably pretty useful for making us wary of predators, but once you'd checked there wasn't a sabre-toothed tiger lurking in the grass, you could relax. Whereas the more psychological threats we worry about now are less easy to dismiss.

Anyway, when I was suffering from anxiety, it definitely helped me to think "Yeah, thanks for that, brain! Hmm No threats around right now."

Backenette · 19/02/2018 08:36

Ocd is a diverse condition and it’s an incorrect stereotype that it’s always centred around cleanliness rituals like hand washing. Many cases are but by no means all. Your symptoms sound very like mine and I was diagnosed with severe ocd.

GPS are not mental health specialists.,

pennepasta · 19/02/2018 08:36

OCD sufferer here too. I tried to explain my symptoms to 2 psychiatrists within about a 6 month period and that I felt I may be experiencing OCD... one suggested personality disorder and I had "taught myself" to have OCD (???) and another decided simply health anxiety.... both thought antidepressants would fix it and refused to accept that I wasn't taking them as the thoughts were often around what could happen if I did. Fortunately I had a decent GP who listened and continued referring me for help as god knows if I would still be here if she hadn't.

After a short while I began to see a psychologist who did CBT... and he used the words "you're experiencing a very severe form of OCD"

I had tons of rituals and compulsions, I just hadn't even realised myself I had until in therapy we went through the what do you do when that thought happens and why etc

Maybe pure O exists... I know it's not recognised as such, my experience was that I just hadn't any idea how many compulsions and rituals I did because none of them were as straightforward as "wash my hands 7 times" or flick a light switch 3 times and I hadn't linked my behaviour as a ritual because in my head it was perfectly reasonable despite entirely ruling my life

LemonysSnicket · 19/02/2018 08:41

I have never been diagnosed with anything but sound a lot like you.

I’ll look at DP and think ‘what if I don’t love him?’ And then I’m terrified that means that somethings going to make me stop loving him.
I feel massive guilt and anxiety over thoughts of bad things or daydreams. I’m not religious but end up asking god not to do those things as I didn’t mean to think it.

Interesting to hear someone experiencing similar.

LemonysSnicket · 19/02/2018 08:42

Oh and agree with the self sabotage!

When everything is perfect my brain will pick something and ruin it.

Halebeke425 · 19/02/2018 08:57

I suffer very strongly from intrusive thought, it's a symptom of other issues I have (not ocd) and it's horrendous. Something I started doing might help you? Everytime I have a thought I don't like I lock it in a big old wooden chest I imagine sits in the back of my mind! Might sound a bit mad but it really helps, I just think 'that can go in the box' and imagine locking it away and it helps me feel in control of my thoughts and that I am able to assert myself over these things that pop in to my mind that I can't get rid of. Sometimes they'll keep popping back up but I just keep on locking them back in that chest! I must do this at least once a day Blush

BootyO · 19/02/2018 09:03

Wow I didn't know this was a thing but I have this. Often when I'm driving I think how I could swerve and hit a lorry with one tiny motion or when I'm going downstairs I think if I just fell down these that would be it.

I have awful ones about my marriage, convince myself I treat DH horribly all the time or that he must hate me. I get drawn to things like bleach bottles and phrases like "solvent abuse kills instantly" set me off on a flight of dark fancy. I rarely actually act on it or self harm although I do sometimes bash my head against things Sad

Turnocks34 · 19/02/2018 09:04

I have OCD and get this. I have had extremely successful CBT and so I manage these really well but I do occasionally get them, for instance, I was carrying my 1 year old at the Trafford centre yesterday, and I suddenly thought: 'if I dropped you off here you'd die'

I would never, ever, ever drop him. I didn't want to. It was just a panic of 'omg if I did though'

alpineibex · 19/02/2018 09:04

I always get thoughts I don't actively bring to mind. I could just be taking about going away for a weekend to the seaside, and all of a sudden I'm thinking about jumping off a building. I'm chatting to a friend, suddenly in my head I'm slitting her throat.

There's no emotion behind the thoughts, they are just random images that pop up all the time.

alpineibex · 19/02/2018 09:06

I thought it was normal. Who controls their thoughts all the time!?

Backenette · 19/02/2018 09:07

They are only a problem if they’re affecting your life: if you’re changing your routines or actions for them, if you find yourself disturbed by them of if you feel they’re actionable.

They’re also a symptom of anxiety.

abeautifulmess · 19/02/2018 09:24

@pennepasta did you find something that did work if antidepressants weren't the right thing?

Original poster
AnxiousPeg · 19/02/2018 09:32

Yeah - I usually don't get troubled by them (though I have massively in the past) - so when one 'sticks' it really upsets me. Part of me is going "are you sure that wasn't a premonition?" And it's the doubt.

OP posts:
pennepasta · 19/02/2018 09:36

@abeautifulmess yes ERP a specific form of CBT for OCD

And I would have been able to begin antidepressants had I chosen to after some sessions. It wasn't that they weren't right or wouldn't help entirely... but my thoughts were intrusive on what could happen if I took them...

Yet psychiatrists entirely dismissed me saying I wish I could but if I do... I could end up harming someone not exactly put quite that way but that was the jist of it so not taking them was part of my keeping everyone safe from my thoughts strategy

Largebucket · 19/02/2018 09:51

I think for me, there’s always an underlying awareness somewhere that the thoughts are entirely part of me and therefore they’re something that I ultimately have control of somewhere down the line. I think my psyche “makes up” fears that are not real as ultimately it’s easier to focus on these than deal with that is actually bothering me in the real world.

hungryhippo90 · 19/02/2018 10:00

It’s funny this post should be here, when I’ve come on mumsnet to try and distract myself from intrusive thoughts.

Today, I’m worrying because I left DD at the gate of her school- she is 10 and there are some children who walk themselves to school, but something bad will happen because I didn’t see her go in to her class.

That and she put on tights which have a hole, I told her to change them, turns out she didnt- the hole is quite high up on her leg which I think she said the dog got hold of about the size of a 5p coin.
Well school will have another reason to believe I’m a POS and she will be taken away from me.

Do you ever feel like these thoughts mean you are willing this kind of thing to happen? Despite it fills you with fear?

MadRainbow · 19/02/2018 10:01

FWIW when I did CBT my therapist told me they were normal and I had to stop avoiding the thoughts as it was a bit like saying "Don't think of pink elephants" the brain doesn't think of the negative and just gives you the image you don't want to see. By accepting the image as just a thought the brain doesn't see it as massively important and won't affect you as much.

Easier said than done when you're seeing your newborn's room go up in flames and there's nothing you can do about it...

pennepasta · 19/02/2018 10:23

Yes my ERP therapy certainly didn't involve avoiding the thought

Rather remaining with it and the anxiety while I did the things I would usually avoid as a compulsive response... so I could get used to the anxiety reducing naturally

In a very gradual way

Nikephorus · 19/02/2018 10:43

GPS are not mental health specialists
They should have some knowledge of the most usual forms of mental health issues, and be prepared to look them up if they don't. Otherwise what are they there for? Only physical health? Only patients with colds or earache? Only certain forms of cancer - just the 3 more obvious ones because we don't want to stress them with too much studying?!

Backenette · 19/02/2018 12:16

Yes nike I agree - they should know this. Unfortunately many don’t. Years ago I went to my GP with a running injury to be told ‘I don’t do limbs’ and cheerfully referred on.

I wouldn’t expect a GP to have in depth mental health knowledge but I would expect a GP to know the limits of their expertise and to refer a patient on.

Mental health really is a Cinderella service in the uk :(

Original poster
AnxiousPeg · 19/02/2018 16:31

It's easing off now, thank goodness. It's been quite challenging because I haven't had this for ages. But I do at least have the experience of what it's like and, to some extent, how to deal with it.

It's a bit like that tangle weed stuff in Harry Potter - the more you struggle, the more it grips you. It's really hard to relax and sort of slip through it.

OP posts:
pennepasta · 19/02/2018 17:42

Was it jung who said "what you resist, persists?"

Haribogirl · 27/02/2018 15:52

I’ve just gone on the web and put in
Intrusive thoughts
And saw a mumsnet thread. Wow so many people.

My thought today that’s sent me anxious and can’t stop the thoughts coming and going aghhhh

Before going out to Zumba today I had very slight headache and it put me bit out of sorts, bit down(suffer from anxiety/depression, currently in episode) so I thought I’ll go push myself and it will take my mind of it
Half way there got thought to go back, but didn’t want to run away.
Anyway I couldn’t get into it, not because of headache but because these thoughts can’t even remember now what they were!( which is always the case, When i look back I can’t remember the actual thought that I had at the time)
The way I felt at the time there keeps playing over and over, I feel like I’m loosing control over a bloody thought! It’s frightening

this is where cbt didn’t help me, because the thought is instant
When I came to get the form out to write it down I’d forgotten the actual thought back then

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