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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask you all to tell my DSD she is crazy?

69 replies

K1092902 · 18/02/2018 21:53

Been with her boyfriend 2 weeks and has asked her to come off the pill so they can have a baby. Hes 15 years older and has 2 adult children

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 18/02/2018 22:07

She’s not actually going to do it is she?

Cheesenacho123 · 18/02/2018 22:07

Sorry * step mum

Calvinlookingforhobbs · 18/02/2018 22:09

More importantly, he is is crazy! Run like the wind DSD! And get him checked for STIs.

Cornettoninja · 18/02/2018 22:09

A man who starts talking about ttc two weeks into dating someone is not the kind of genetics you want to be propagating. He's clearly immature and Jeremy Kyle fodder to be blunt.

It's one thing to fall unexpectedly pregnant in a new relationship but to plan it is completely ridiculous. Plus babies can test the most solid of relationships - not a situation to be in to find out your lumbered with a dick.

Weirdly I've just been reading about jerry brudos - an American serial killer. He got his young girlfriend pregnant quickly and a whole heap of weirdness revealed itself once she'd lived with him, parented with him and the shine wore off.

I haven't finished the article but I'm already seeing that things did not end well...

Leiaorganashair · 18/02/2018 22:11

she is insane.

What is his reasoning?

dollygolightly · 18/02/2018 22:12
Shock
Rainbowqueeen · 18/02/2018 22:12

he is trying to trap her.

that is not normal behaviour. massive massive red flag. Someone who behaves like this is not someone I would continue a relationship with, let alone have a child with.

if you want your kids to have a good father you really need to take your time, get to know them properly.

Buck3t · 18/02/2018 22:13

Two weeks in she shouldn’t just be on the pill she should still be actively using condoms. HIV is real. I don’t get why that message seems to have left the building.

GummyGoddess · 18/02/2018 22:13

He is not someone she should be having a child with. That attitude sounds very controlling, like he wants to trap her. What will he do when he has managed to do so?

Don't bloody do it! Find a sensible partner who you have known for more than 14 days.

Quartz2208 · 18/02/2018 22:13

To be frank though OP given the example her father has shown is it any surprise she has followed into this kind of relationship

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 18/02/2018 22:14

Doesn't she want to be married or a homeowner first????

treeofhearts · 18/02/2018 22:14

2 Weeks? I'd be dubious after 2 MONTHS. Not even dubious actually, I'd be telling him to do one. Run, honey. Run screaming for the hills and don't look back. You'd have to be batshit crazy to stay with this guy. Hell, HE probably has a screw loose. I'm only 2 years older than you and a bit naive sometimes but even I can smell the bullshit on this one.

TheFaerieQueene · 18/02/2018 22:14

What about stds? She should not have unprotected sex with someone she doesn’t know.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 18/02/2018 22:17

Dolphincrossing there was no need for such a bitchy remark.

ANY decent mother or stepmother would be worried out it.

How can you even think that a decent mother/stepmother would approve it. You horrid human being.

mamalovesmojitos · 18/02/2018 22:22

Massive red flag. She has her whole beautiful life ahead of her! No caring, reasonable man would suggest this two weeks into a relationship.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 18/02/2018 22:24

Very weird. A new relationship should be fun. Having a baby will cut that short!

CookieDoughKid · 18/02/2018 22:24

Message to dd: I'm sure you are in love and think this is going to work and perhaps it will. But you need to really think it through because having a child will 100% remove your social freedom and the way you enjoy your life today. Also - How are you going to fund your lives in the event your other half ever leaves you and your child? And I don't mean clothes and just food but also, a roof over your head, and all the extras that come with having a child. Can you stand on your own two feet without your parents or the welfare state and fund at least the next 16 years of a child who will be soley dependent on you? If you can't answer that question comfortably, I would seriously think about postponing having a child for a wee bit until you get your own affairs in order AND you get to know your other half better because if he was serious about you - he'd wait for you.

Bambamber · 18/02/2018 22:25

Is she vulnerable? I can't imagine any circumstances in which a decent bloke who wants the best for a woman would suggest such a thing. I also can't think of any circumstances in which a female of sound reasoning would even consider this as an option.

I read things like that and the first thing that comes to mind is predator. I hope you can help guide her and protect her from making a reckless decision

RavenLG · 18/02/2018 22:27

25? Who is she asking permission from? As an adult she can do as she pleases.

However this is a crazy idea unless she has the financial capability and means, as well as a long term plan to raise a child

PurpleDaisies · 18/02/2018 22:27

Given the way your partner reacted to his other daughter getting pregnant (I assume it’s a different daughter this time) I’m very surprised she’d want to get pregnant.

Crunchymum · 18/02/2018 22:27

So this must be the other DSD???

Sigh.

NorksAreMessy · 18/02/2018 22:27

What? What? What?

ladybee28 · 18/02/2018 22:28

Wait - why is she crazy because he asked her to do something nuts?

OP, you haven't said anything about what she's saying / feeling / doing.

Can we have some meaningful info here before we all start throwing accusations of insanity around?

And what good is the opinions of a bunch of strangers on an internet forum going to do if she's not taking your advice seriously?

Oddly, OP, I do think YABU. I don't think having a baby with someone you've dated for 2 weeks is a good idea at all, but I think this thread is also a bit weird...

CookieDoughKid · 18/02/2018 22:28

Message to dd: If you're about to report back with a financial plan, your career projections, your other half's earnings, pensions, house equity, savings etc... in supporting you and your child then I think it's worth you sitting down with your parents to talk this through more. Also, you need to get married to legally protect yourself and your child in the event he leaves you so you can have some financial and legal rights.

Elementtree · 18/02/2018 22:28

Two weeks? What a fucking farce.