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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at best friend

32 replies

Rumandcokepleasesir · 18/02/2018 01:14

I've been diagnosed with anxiety so I don't know if I'm overthinking and I need a dose of man the fuck up. Or if I have a right to feel a little bit hurt?

me and best friend have been friends for over 30 years. I'm single mum who's left a career to raise my 2 kids. She's just starting out in her career.
.I have 2 children under 3( she don't want kids) and I think she thinks because I'm not working I have loads of time to sit and do all the stuff she needs doing. She will just call and ask me to do something (usually what is pretty time consuming) and because I know she's stressed I've tried to help her as much as I can!
I've sat and filled out job application after job application for her, made her CV. Spent quite a number of hours sat at the laptop filling out all her forms when she landed her dream job all the while I have two demon children to look after. Listened to her cry horrendously down the phone about how a close friend of hers had really let her down and so forth
This has all been in the past 4/5 months. I obviously don't mind helping her and don't give to receive so to speak but I thought friendship was about helping each other out or am I Just being a sad act.
I moved home last week. My stress levels were seriously through the roof. I only have my mum to help me and she works full time. I had my old home to pack up and then move to the new house. I wasn't sleeping as I had that much to do and neither were the kids.
I called my bf and asked if she would mind giving me a hand moving some stuff to the new house as I don't drive. To which I got no reply at all till the next day saying she had a migraine which is fair enough. I then asked if she would mind helping me on the actual day of the move for an hour (nothing major- I'm aware people have their own lives) to which she said she was taking her parents out. Fair enough but then I later find out she was out with the friend who had let her down and who said she was trying to distance herself from and I didn't get so much as a text from her.

I realise I probably sound like a kid but I'm just feeling pretty alone right now and don't know if I'm within my rights to be a little bit hurt by her or am I just being overly tired and a little bit petty?

OP posts:
SoleBizzz · 18/02/2018 01:18

You do not sound like a kid at all! Why feel like that? Your friend is a selfish cow and has hurt you. I'd feel really used. She couldn't even help out for one hour.

Has she done this before?

Craftylittlething · 18/02/2018 01:21

Sounds like she’s taking a loan of you. Hoping you make some lovely new friends in your new place.

Original poster
Rumandcokepleasesir · 18/02/2018 01:22

Yeah she does have a lot going on too so just put it down to that.
Just feeling a little bit defeated and don't know if I should say something.

OP posts:
Craftylittlething · 18/02/2018 01:24

We all have busy lives but people make the time for those they care about. Especially on moving day!

funkyfunky · 18/02/2018 01:24

Does "a single mum who's left a career" mean you're on benefits?

RavenclawRealist · 18/02/2018 01:29

She has been using you stop letting her! Start saying no! She obviously has no problem saying no to you!

Original poster
Rumandcokepleasesir · 18/02/2018 01:29

Funky what has my financial status got to do with this?

OP posts:
Gincision · 18/02/2018 01:30

Does "a single mum who's left a career" mean you're on benefits?

What the fuck does this have to do with anything? Hmm

OP YANBU to be pissed off with your friend. You know the answer next time she wants any help don't you?

PositivelyPERF · 18/02/2018 01:31

Does "a single mum who's left a career" mean you're on benefits
What the hell is that supposed to mean?

Birdsgottafly · 18/02/2018 01:33

OP don't rise to Funky.

Do you think that you'll get any satisfaction from having it out with her?

Personally, I'd just be less available when she wants a favour. If she then has anything to say about you not helping her, then remind her what a piss taker she is.

MotherofaSurvivor · 18/02/2018 01:42

I have a friend like this. CF of the highest order. Sadly she's my only friend, thanks to my ex and the type of friend who if you criticise in the tiniest way, either hits the roof or ghosts you....

Coyoacan · 18/02/2018 01:58

Now we know what kind of person Funky is, just like, unfortunately you know what kind of person your friend is. I'm neither a psychiatrist nor a psychologist, but it sounds like getting ridding of bad friends will contribute to lowering your anxiety levels.

Italiangreyhound · 18/02/2018 02:17

@Rumandcokepleasesir your friend sounds like she is all take and no give. You can either have it out with her or simply not be available to do things for her in the future.

I can't believe she had you filling in job applications for her, that is proper cheeky!

Motoko · 18/02/2018 02:22

Your feelings are perfectly understandable. She's used you big time and can't even give you an hour of her time.

You could speak to her, remind her of the hours you spent filling in her forms, without which help, she may not have got this job, but I doubt that she will admit that she's in the wrong here, and might cut you out completely.

Time to stop doing favours for her.

PyongyangKipperbang · 18/02/2018 03:08

I am not a fan of ghosting but actually I think you should in this case. Well sort of.

Always be busy. Always have something else you need to do so you cant help her. Wait at least 12 hours before answering texts. Do to her what she has done to you, and you know what? She will accuse YOU of being selfish, silly cow!

MrsDilber · 18/02/2018 04:20

You need to start saying no to her.

Cavender · 18/02/2018 05:09

Starts saying “no” immediately.

No apologies, no explanations, just “no”.

Asking someone to fill out application forms and create a CV isn’t a reasonable thing to ask a friend to help with! Who does that?

Why the hell couldn’t she fill out her own forms, if you have two small children she’ll have more free time of an evening than you.

You’ve been a doormat. Time to stop right now.

You’ll lose her as a friend, but that’s ok, because she isn’t one.

I’m sorry, I hope you meet some lovely new friends at the park or through your local playgroup.

justpoppngby · 18/02/2018 07:54

💐
You sound very nice op & Yes you should say something-
mostly ' no, sorry I'm busy ' 💐

Auspiciouspanda · 18/02/2018 07:57

Fuck her off she’s a CF!!

sonjadog · 18/02/2018 08:05

YANBU. She should have helped you in return. But you shouldn't be doing that kind of work for her, it isn´t a reasonable request of a friend. She is taking the piss. You need to put some boundaries in place with her. No more over the top favours like filling in her applications for her.

TheQueenOfWands · 18/02/2018 08:09

She's using you.

You're a handy tool for when she needs you to to stuff. That's all.

She's not a friend.

JustDanceAddict · 18/02/2018 08:14

Just say no. Seriously, she is taking the piss big time. Do what she does to you - don’t help her, reply to texts the next day, be ‘busy’. You have two young kids who are taking up your time & rightly so. Go & make some new ‘mum’ friends at playgroups or the park.

Chugalug · 18/02/2018 08:24

Friendship is a two way thing ..she is using you..

supersop60 · 18/02/2018 08:32

Sorry your "friend" has treated you like this.
Time to start saying no.
And what kind of adult can't write their own CV? Oh yes, those who pay for someone to do it.

WhiteWalkersWife · 18/02/2018 08:44

She is a user and not once, but twice, she has made it clear that you help her but she doesnt need to help you.

Stop helping her. Put your family first.

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