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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does anyone else struggle to sleep if dp is out?

29 replies

Seriouslyscrewed · 17/02/2018 22:36

Is it just me?

Dp is out for the night with his mates. I'm here with dd who is fast asleep in her room. I am absolutely knackered after being up since 4:30 But I just cannot sleep. And it's worse because I know I won't be able to until dp gets home.

This happens everytime he goes out! I just can't relax

OP posts:
strawberrysparkle · 17/02/2018 22:39

I'm exactly the same! Subconsciously waiting to hear the key in the lock! If I know he's not coming home I can do it's not that I'm dependent on him I think it's just because I'm aware he's going to wake me up anyway! I hate it.

HermionesRightHook · 17/02/2018 22:41

I'm the same. I lie there catastrophising until he invariably comes in slightly tipsy at midnight. I'll be having visions of a phone call from the police and he's just had three pints and a nice chat and a train delay on the way home, it's ridiculous.

He humours me by sending regular texts - I know it's anxiety, but it is related to his wilder youth when he didn't come home till really late quite often (and tbf neither did I!). The texts really help me though.

MrsWoolly · 17/02/2018 22:42

Sometimes, if I know he's coming in I struggle, if he's working away not coming back then I sleep fine.

It's the anticipation of being woken up.

UpstartCrow · 17/02/2018 22:44

What you have to do is put one of his t shirts on his pillow and lay it down the bed, and let the dog in for a hot water bottle.

Original poster
Seriouslyscrewed · 17/02/2018 22:44

It's funny because he went away for a month a while back and I slept fine!

It must be the expectation of him coming home, worrying about him getting into some kind of trouble.

I hate it I'm so tired I just can't even turn the tv off because I start hearing noises that aren't there! It's ridiculous!

OP posts:
sm40 · 17/02/2018 22:45

Me too! Dread the thought of him coming in and me waking up with him
Standing over me. There was a thread on here a while back saying this was abnormal and controlling asking when he's coming home!
And then they come home, fall asleep, starting snoring and you are still awake! Grrrrr.

Scrumptiousbears · 17/02/2018 22:45

Nope. DP works shifts. There are nights when he isn't home.

Gudgyx · 17/02/2018 22:46

Yes I’m the same!

Tbf he is the same when I’m out

VladmirsPoutine · 17/02/2018 22:48

No. It is unhealthy. What would you do if you were a single parent?

Thistlebelle · 17/02/2018 22:49

My DH often works away.

I got really annoyed at myself to start with because I didn’t want to be the kind of person that can’t sleep alone.

Then I worked out that it’s because the bed is cold.

Warm up the bed and I sleep no problem at all.

wilts09 · 17/02/2018 22:49

In the exact same situation right now OP. Daughter fast asleep next to me and all I can do is Netflix and Mumsnet and waiting to hear the front door! No doubt they will come back in no fit state but at least they will be home safe and sound! Sending you Saturday night hugs x

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 17/02/2018 22:49

My dh says he can't sleep when I'm out but always seems to manage when I get home from babysitting, yup snoring again!

Winegumaddict · 17/02/2018 22:51

I love having the bed to myself and don't worry at all if he's away. However I sleep worse if he's due home. I'm not worried to anxious I think it's knowing I'll be disturbed. A bit like having to be up early I sleep worse to make sure I don't over sleep. I think knowing DH will come home and disturb me disturbs me. Ridiculous I know.

sm40 · 17/02/2018 22:52

If I know they are coming in at x time or they are away, it's fine, it's the not knowing when they are going to come in the door.
Had a unexpected 4am morning last week. I was a wreck the next day.

Original poster
Seriouslyscrewed · 17/02/2018 22:53

I'm sure he'll come stumbling in at an ungodly hour stinking of a pub haha while I've been laying awake trying to get to bloody sleep for hours! It's boring more than anything.

And im.not being controlling at all I haven't messaged him, I just find it hard to sleep when I know he will be home at some point bit for now I'm alone

OP posts:
MouseholeCat · 17/02/2018 22:53

We have the same thing- we're both fine if the other is "away", but if one of us is going on a night out and expected back we can't sleep until the other is home. Definitely the expectation of the key in the door. I'd also freak out at the bedroom door opening whilst I was asleep- I'm a really light, jumpy sleeper.

WTFIsThisVirus · 17/02/2018 22:53

I love having the bed to myself, it's awesome

Pinkponiesrock · 17/02/2018 22:54

If I know he’s not going to be home for a night, on a weekend away or working away or something similar I can sleep fine.

However if he coming home late from a night out I can’t, it makes no sense!

PickAChew · 17/02/2018 22:55

He doesn't go out drinking but when headway I bloody well enjoy the bed space

beargrass · 17/02/2018 22:56

Exact opposite! I can sleep minus earplugs, as no snoring to drown out...safe in the knowledge drunken DH is banished to spare room. It's bliss

frieda909 · 17/02/2018 22:58

No. It is unhealthy. What would you do if you were a single parent?

It’s not about needing someone else there. It’s about the anticipation of knowing someone else will be coming into the room at some point while you’re asleep.

I totally get it, OP. I was even a bit like that at uni when my flatmates would go on a night out. I would find it really hard to sleep knowing they would be home soon, waking me up.

AllTheUserNamesAreTaken · 17/02/2018 22:58

My DH has worked away the whole time we've been together (17 years) and I don't have any problem sleeping - in fact I like having the bed to myself.

However, when he's out (like tonight) I really struggle to get to sleep. Even once I do I'm waking up every 45 mins or so. I've no idea why, it's bloody annoying. He's out tonight and I'm in bed......wide awake!

MrsWoolly · 17/02/2018 23:00

It's not 'unhealthy' or 'controlling', some people do talk shit.

I managed fine as a single parent for years, slept like a baby, yet I still struggle to sleep if I know dh is coming home later.

It's nothing to do with not being able to sleep alone, it's to do with having a disruption to your usual sleeping routine.

jellyshoeswithdiamonds · 17/02/2018 23:02

My Dh works away from home.
During his commute I try to take my mind off it.
I go to sleep once he's there, 11-11.30.

I've got used to him not being there now, 3 years and counting.

AnyUsernameWillDo75 · 17/02/2018 23:02

It depends
If I'm having an "I'm an independent and self sufficient woman" day I sleep fine
If I'm having a vulnerable day, I need him there.