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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For reacting like this

35 replies

happygirlie18 · 17/02/2018 21:58

So dh and I were walking home from a restaurant with Dd earlier today who was holding both our hands when she let go of both of us and made a run for it, towards the main road. We were on quite a wide path with a grass verge which is why we were letting her walk.

Anyway I went to grab her, as did dh, and we both got her, but then dh turned and shouted at me for going to grab her as well as 'it was clear he had her!' It was a complete reflex to go and grab her near the road but he thinks I should of just left it to him. This was all in front of a friend.

Later on when we were at home he called me a 'sick for going to grab her. I explained again it was a reflex and he said that him shouting at me and calling me such names was a reflex then.

We're both currently sulking and not talking.

OP posts:
meredintofpandiculation · 17/02/2018 22:03

What on earth is the problem with both of you going for her? Neither of you got in the other's way. I'd be sulking too.Or at least, in a silent fury.

AnathemaPulsifer · 17/02/2018 22:03

Does he often shout at you like this?

If she'd already escaped both of you once I'd want two people holding onto her again once caught.

Snowydaysarehere · 17/02/2018 22:04

Surely both of you should have tried to grab her? Did he want to be the hero?

BewareOfDragons · 17/02/2018 22:07

Your DH is out of order. Instinct would have had both my DH and I diving after a child in similar circumstances; we would have both just been relieved that the child was safe, not worry about who got there first!

Something is obviously wrong with your DH ... and then to call you names? Wow.

ShovingLeopard · 17/02/2018 22:08

Jeez, she was in a potentially life-threatening situation, and he thinks you're in the wrong for trying to save her?! What a twat. It's all hands on deck in a situation like that.

southboundagain · 17/02/2018 22:11

I can maybe understand yelling in the moment as a misdirected stress reaction, if the yeller then apologises afterwards. If they double down on it once everyone's calmed down, then that's weird and unreasonable.

Stroller15 · 17/02/2018 22:11

Why do you think you're BU?? I would want everyone to go for my DC heading for a main road. Your DH is acting strange reacting like that.

McPie · 17/02/2018 22:33

So you are supposed to presume that daddy will be the hero then? Bollocks to that! Stopping your child ending up in front of a car is priority no matter who or how many people do it!

Lilymossflower · 17/02/2018 22:43

He sounds bloody ridiculous. Your absolutely entitled to grab her yourself. I mean in the baby months I bet you were the one catching her as she learns to walk more often than him. It's your job. I think he just wanted to look like a big hero in front of the friend

The way he reacted to you talking to him about it later was totally immature too imo. !!

KurriKurri · 17/02/2018 22:50

He sounds off his trolley. What parent in the world wouldn't automatically dash to grab their child? If he ran for through pure instinct then why can't he understand that you did too ?

He's the one who is sick.

Idontdowindows · 17/02/2018 22:52

Does he have form for yelling at you?

Teaandbiscuits35 · 17/02/2018 22:55

It's definitely him BU not you. Instinct is to protect your child, that's all you did. Sounds like he wants to show control. It isn't ok to shout at you either, let alone in front of friends. I'd be fuming!

Original poster
happygirlie18 · 18/02/2018 04:41

Yes he has a form for shouting. About anything. In front of anyone but usually when We're on our own. I have asked him repeatedly not to shout in front if Dd but it falls on deaf ears.

He thinks it's a trust issue and I didn't trust him to get Dd , it's not it's just a reflex to make sure she is safe.

OP posts:
ChasedByBees · 18/02/2018 04:50

You reacted perfectly normally. Your reflex was to make sure your Dd was safe, his was to take out his anger on you. Not good.

Also, if you were both going, couldn’t he see that you’d got her? Why does his argument only work one way? What if she’d zig zagged away from him as he’d reached her?

He has no right to shout at you.

Original poster
happygirlie18 · 18/02/2018 07:15

Unfortunately he does it all the time. If Dd hurts herself at home (she runs everywhere so us forever bumping into things) my immediate reaction is to go and check she is ok and comfort her but he will tell me to leave her and wait for her to cone to us. If I try and go to her first he'll moan that I'm turning her against him by always being the one to comfort her.

OP posts:
Nyetimber · 18/02/2018 07:17

You both reacted in the heat of the moment. You both need to get over it and grow up.

Sarsparella · 18/02/2018 07:19

Yanbu and he sounds really hard work - anyone’s normal reaction would be to grab a child running towards a busy road!

Coyoacan · 18/02/2018 07:34

I can imagine you not trying to catch your dd and your dh not reacting on time. God forbid

Dobbythesockelf · 18/02/2018 07:37

Ffs of course it was just instinct. I'd of done the exact same thing. You kid was in danger you tried to stop it. He sounds like an arse.

Original poster
happygirlie18 · 18/02/2018 09:15

Thanks everyone. He's still not talking to me this morning. Goodness men can sulk!

OP posts:
ShovingLeopard · 18/02/2018 09:49

Wtf!! Is he always like this?

DeathStare · 18/02/2018 10:03

I went to grab her, as did dh
he called me a 'sick for going to grab her
So you and him did exactly the same thing, and that makes him in the right and you in the wrong?

He thinks it's a trust issue and I didn't trust him to get Dd
Then, equally, he didn't trust you.

I have asked him repeatedly not to shout in front if Dd but it falls on deaf ears
So it's what he wants that matters, not what's best for you or DD.

Read through those again OP. It's one rule for you, another for him. And that's because he sees himself as being lord and master who should be automatically trusted and obeyed, and you and your DD as being "less than" him, as people who aren't allowed to have their needs considered or to do the same things he does.

Run. Run for the hills.

Urubu · 18/02/2018 10:09

Exactly!
Just turn it around to show him how ridiculous he his. And ask him why he went to grab her himself when you were going to her? Doesn't HE trust you?

ShovingLeopard · 18/02/2018 10:10

Yes, this is all about him, rather than your daughter's safety, or your feelings.

clockworklime · 18/02/2018 10:13

I think you should be the ultimate hero in this story and grab your daughter and run for the hills. Or chuck him out.