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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

For reacting like this

35 replies

happygirlie18 · 17/02/2018 21:58

So dh and I were walking home from a restaurant with Dd earlier today who was holding both our hands when she let go of both of us and made a run for it, towards the main road. We were on quite a wide path with a grass verge which is why we were letting her walk.

Anyway I went to grab her, as did dh, and we both got her, but then dh turned and shouted at me for going to grab her as well as 'it was clear he had her!' It was a complete reflex to go and grab her near the road but he thinks I should of just left it to him. This was all in front of a friend.

Later on when we were at home he called me a 'sick for going to grab her. I explained again it was a reflex and he said that him shouting at me and calling me such names was a reflex then.

We're both currently sulking and not talking.

OP posts:

VandelayIndustries · 18/02/2018 10:15

Fucking hell this is not a relationship. He’s treating you appallingly and in front of your child too. This is not how it is supposed to be.

Crashbangwhatausername · 18/02/2018 10:15

I can only imagine shouting at someone out of worry in the heat of the moment - although more likely if my dh hadn't also tried to grab her. I'm sorry your dh is a dick

ferriswheel · 18/02/2018 10:17

What deathstare said.

My stbxh used to shout in my face all of the time too. Im so pleased to not have to worry about pleasing him anymore.

BewareOfDragons · 18/02/2018 10:23

Unfortunately he does it all the time. If Dd hurts herself at home (she runs everywhere so us forever bumping into things) my immediate reaction is to go and check she is ok and comfort her but he will tell me to leave her and wait for her to cone to us. If I try and go to her first he'll moan that I'm turning her against him by always being the one to comfort her.

What?!?

Your DH is ridiculous. And scary. He actually thinks that by going to your injured daughter to check she's ok is turning her against him?

That is so far off the mark of rational thinking, I don't even know what to say.

I imagine that if she'd managed to evade him and accidentally find herself in front of a car/biker and get hit, somehow it would be your fault for not going after her, too. Or letting go of her hand. Or whatever.

I think you need to sit down with him when he's calm and talk about his anger issues (the constant shouting at you which is just not on). And his irrational thinking. You do not want your daughter growing up thinking that this is normal behaviour.

Do you think your DH will want her marrying a man who shouts at her over everything? Where everything is her fault? Where she is accused of undermining him in ridiculous situations? Where she is wrong if her DH feels slighted or untrustworthy because she helped one of their children?? Ask him. His answer will be enlightening for you ... probably not so much for him, he'll be defensive ... but maybe you need to reconsider your relationship with him.

mamahanji · 18/02/2018 10:32

He is a massive dick and sounds disgustingly immature.

Original poster

happygirlie18 · 18/02/2018 13:40

Thank you everyone. I feel better now. I wanted to make sure it wasn't just me being over sensitive. But even our friend who was with us looked a. It strangely when he snapped.

There are obviously other issues as well which we are trying to work on. When I say we I mean I am speaking to a counsellor to help with issues that dh thinks I have

OP posts:

Shoxfordian · 18/02/2018 16:07

Just you speaking to a counsellor?

Is it possible the issue is your dh acting like a knob?!

Original poster

happygirlie18 · 18/02/2018 16:26

Yes just me speaking to a counsellor, dh has refused. After a few sessions it has become obvious that some of the issues dh has are more his issues than mine (not letting Dd cry herself to sleep, being told off by dh every time I pick Dd up, sitting on the floor playing with her instead of sitting with him) but whenever I try and tell him that he has some issues as well it is turned bavk round to it being my issue

OP posts:

ClemDanfango · 18/02/2018 16:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShovingLeopard · 18/02/2018 17:13

It sounds very much to me that it is your DH who has some big issues, not you.

I am concerned about the effect of his ideas on your DD. You should be offering comfort when she is upset. That is how babies acquire emotional security, learn to self-soothe, and eventually grow up into adults who are able to handle life's rough patches and deal with intense negative emotions, without being overwhelmed by them. Your DH is attempting to deny your daughter proper care, which will be very damaging for her. He sounds like a big baby, who is jealous of her, and controlling of you.

I'm very pleased to hear you are seeing a counsellor. I would really see that process through, and see how you feel about him and the relationship. You could also find it helpful to read, and get him to read 'Why Love Matters' by Sue Gerhardt. It will explain to him why his peculiar ideas about child rearing are so detrimental to his daughter. If he is not too arrogant to listen to an expert, that is.

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