To be sad about how hard it is when your parents aren't around to see their grandchildren

[itsmeimcathyivecomehome]

I know IANBU, but just feeling sad tonight.

DD is 2.5 and new baby is due soon, all being well. We're lucky in many ways, but the loss of my DM when I was quite young means that she's missed out on the main thing she wanted - grandchildren

I just keep getting these waves of sadness at the moment about what she's missed, and what they've missed. She would have loved every hair on DD's head (even when the little beast is pouring her dinner on the floor or something!) and as an infant teacher she would have been brilliant with her. I'm sad that I've missed out on seeing them together. So many of my friends rely on their mums for childcare and seeing their kids with their grandmas always gives me a pang. And I want my mum there for the upcoming birth too 😭😭

My MIL and my DF are brilliant but - it's not the same as your mum, is it? DF has never changed a nappy in his life!!

Sorry to waffle, just really feeling it tonight and thought there would be other posters who would sympathise!

Hugs

My Dad passed away last June. He was only 57. He absolutley doted on my DC and loved being a Grandad.

for you. It is horrible knowing how much they will miss.

I feel like I found a whole new stage of grief after having dd. My mum died when I was a teenager.

Not just the sadness that you'd expect at them missing out but for me the realisation of a whole new facet of her personality when I look at things with the perspective of expectinence.

Definitely wanted my mum through these couple of years like I haven't wanted her for years now.

It's hard

*experience

My mum died when I was a teenager and I have to agree with the pp, it’s like a whole new stage of grief. In this case, I’m grieving for the loss of her qua grandmother that I never knew. I’m so saddened by the thought that she never got to meet my children. It’s very hard.

I felt exactly the same. It really hurts knowing how much my mum would have loved my kids and how much joy she would have found in them.

My pil are great but it’s not the same. Agreed that having children was a new stage of grief. It sucks.

Me too. I get angry sometimes aswell as very sad. I'm so sad my children never got to meet her and I miss her in so many ways.

My DM died before I had kids and I am totally with you. I missed her more when I became a mum - about 3 years after she died. She would’ve been a great GM. MIL has been pretty good tbh, but not it’s not the same. My mum was great with her little great-nieces too.

Both my parents know my 3 dc but they are old. And they won’t be here to see them grow into young people and adults. They had me late - so it was inevitable unless I had Dc young. my older brother and sisters children have grown up and it’s nive for my parents to see that, just breaks my heart when I think they won’t for mine. They love them so very very much.

So YANBU it must be so sad for you. Bests of luck for the birth. X

Yes, it's horrible isn't it. Most of the time I just get on with it, but then I get these pangs of sadness. My mum would have been the best grandma ever. She was a wonderful mother to me and I was just getting to know her as an adult, as my friend, when she died.

It's not one of those things I ever talk about, I don't know any other mums who've lost their own mum but every now and then I chat about her on mumsnet.

Big hugs, it's not easy x

I totally hear you, my dm & ddad died when i was late teens and i genuinely thought i had moved on, but having children opens up the pain in a new way. All the unanswered questions and all the things both they and you are missing out on. Im so sorry your feeling like this and i wish i could give you a hug. It does settle down again. I try to keep the memory of them aive by telling my children stories about them and having lots of pics around the house xx

My dad died when I was 10 and I have found it difficult since my son was born. My son is everything my dad would have adored. He is boisterous, cheeky and into all the things like Star Wars, football and rough and tumble my dad was really good at. I think especially because I was his only child, he would have loved grandsons so it's very difficult. My son would have worshipped the ground his grandad walked on.

for you op

My dad died 10 years before my first dc was born. Barely a day goes by that I don't wish he'd had a chance to see my lovely sons. I know he would have adored them and they him.

And the older they get the worse it gets, I'm afraid, as I can imagine them doing more and more things with him.

My dad died when my dc were 1 and 4. I was quite matter of fact about dad not being part of my life , but that he wouldnt have longer with his gc was really upsetting.

Yes it’s hard isn’t it. My DM got to spend some time with DS1 (although my dad died shortly after he was born). She died a year after DS2 was born and never got to meet DD. She had 4 grandsons and would have loved a granddaughter

XH’s parents had both died before we met so my DCs don’t have any GPs.

It’s so sad when you hear about other people spending time with GPs and the loving bond they have. I feel bad for my DCs

for all of you who have lost loved ones.

YANBU at all. It is very normal and natural.
I welled up at dc1's Graduation last Summer, thinking how proud she would have been and how sad it was that she wasn't here to come with us.
Every time a tooth came out, or someone got a swimming certificate or scored a goal or played their first tune on the recorder, it struck me - I just wished I could phone her and tell her, or take them round to show her.
It is a bit difficult to explain to those who still have their Mum.

My husband lost his mum when he was 11... on Christmas Day. His birthday is Christmas Eve.

He feels awful every December... it's the darkest part of our year in our family. He misses her terribly. His father isn't a fan of children... neither is his wife.

I've suffered with PND since having first baby... DH always wishes his mother was around as she was so lovely etc etc. We live away from my mum... so we essentially have no one but ourselves.

It's awful. Sometimes I just want my mother... I know I can pick up the phone but it's not the same. Sometimes I want her to make me dinner and do my hair or just to lay on her tummy again like I used to or across her lap. I wish she lived down the road... but not possible.

I can't imagine how someone who has lost their mother must feel.. DH can't bring himself to talk about even after all these years... he just always breaks down. But it think DH take comfort in the fact that both our children seem to have elements of his mother in them!

.

DS is 10 and I still get random waves of sadness at the things my mum has missed (she passed 5 years before he was born)

for you OP

I know how you feel OP. My Ddad died when my DD was only 8 months old. He was only 59. I was not particularly close to my Ddad, but he was over the moon when my DD was born. I feel sad that he never got to see how well she's turned out and also that he never got to see my DGD. Of course,my DD doesn't remember my Ddad,but it's uncanny how she sometimes says something and I think 'She sounded just like my dad then'.

My mum died when ds was 4. I remember a few weeks before she died we had lunch together at her house and they both stayed at the table together talking about sleepy dust and where it comes from.

She came into the room where I was and said 'oh I just think he's amazing' and I got all proud mum and said yes he's very clever. And my DD came in and heard and said 'aren't I clever too?' and so we got onto the whole, yes you are....

I think back to it now and think she was going somewhere else with that comment. That she was thinking she wouldn't see him much longer, see what he would become.

But I am so thankful that they did meet and he reckons he remembers her. Really wish she could have been with all of us longer.

for you OP.

to everyone - it is just so hard sometimes and makes the nicest things bittersweet.

So very sorry for everyone who has lost a parent. 💐

My mum died last year and the fact that her one big fear was that the gc would forget her breaks my heart. (I've just set myself off typing this). She loved them SO much. My dd was 5, my niece 3 and my nephew 18 months.

It's just so, so awful.