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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Exceptional circumstances???

52 replies

Icecreamanddaisies · 17/02/2018 14:29

Aibu to expect the head to grant my dc leave to assist a parent recovering from a major operation that lives far away. I will have to move in for a week and take dc with me. Will this be considered exceptional circumstances

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 17/02/2018 14:31

Any chance your dc could stay with a friend for the week so they could still attend school?

Original poster
Icecreamanddaisies · 17/02/2018 14:36

That wont be possible and i am not in a position to afford childcare

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 17/02/2018 14:39

I doubt you’ll get exceptional leave for this. Are you a single parent? Could the children’s other parent have them if around?

RoseRuby26 · 17/02/2018 14:42

I doubt it will be granted. Do they have good attendance up til now? (95%+) If so it's very unlikely you'll be fined.

hibbledobble · 17/02/2018 14:42

It is up to the discretion of the headteacher, so no one here can say for definite.

Or could be argued that you will be of limited use aiding a parent if you are also caring for several children who are missing school.

Any friends or family who could help? Or the children's father?

Ilovewheelychairs · 17/02/2018 14:43

My school has done in similar circumstances. Very much depends on the school and the head! Not at all helpful I’m afraid, but hope yours is sympathetic.

Original poster
Icecreamanddaisies · 17/02/2018 14:46

Their father is not able to step in

OP posts:
MachineBee · 17/02/2018 14:49

I guess it depends on the age of your DC and the attitude of school management. Plus also your DCs attendance and how they are doing at school. I would request a meeting with the Headteacher and set it all out and ask how you and the school can work together to resolve this. You’ll need to demonstrate that you have explored all possible options for not removing DC from school.

Angrybird345 · 17/02/2018 14:53

Who gives a shot if the school authorise it or not? They should as they should recognise your dc as a young career in this case. If they don’t, they are awful people. Don’t worry and focus on your recovery.

Cleanermaidcook · 17/02/2018 14:55

I imagine it depends on the head as its up to their discretion. Ours wouldn't i don't think but doesn't tend to fine, just sends a letter saying its unauthorised absence.

Sirzy · 17/02/2018 14:56

Angry I read it as the grandparent that is ill?

If you really have no option then you have no options. Shame their father can’t step in as having to juggle children and the extra caring won’t be ideal

supersop60 · 17/02/2018 14:57

Or you could all catch flu.

TrustNaeFuckerEver · 17/02/2018 14:59

How old are the children?

If primary age I would think there's more chance than, for example, an older child studying for exams.

Have you checked with Social Services in your parents' area whether they are entitled to any help post-op?

MacaroniPenguin · 17/02/2018 15:00

I think it's worth a conversation with the head.

Useful also to know what the rules are. Our LEA is pretty transparent that up to 9 sessions unauthorised doesn't get a fine, but 10 or more (ie a full week) doesn't. Yours might well be different but you should find out.

lessthanBeau · 17/02/2018 15:00

If it doesn't get authorised ring them in sick if it's only a week. I know mumsnet seems to frown upon doing this, but better than getting a fine as you're not even benefiting from having a cheap holiday.

Original poster
Icecreamanddaisies · 17/02/2018 15:09

Thanks for your responses the dc are both upper primary and pretty much independent so wont really be and extra burden with a sick parent they will just needy supervision

OP posts:
Notevilstepmother · 17/02/2018 15:10

I think I’d ask the school to provide work and make it clear to the head that you expect the child to study whilst away.

Chewbecca · 17/02/2018 15:11

I think you might need to explain further why the other parent can't step in and why the child can't stay with a friend. If you say exceptional, can you demonstrate that you've explored every avenue and have no choice?

dragonwarrior · 17/02/2018 15:13

Ours don't do anything for 4 days but do by day 5 so is there a possibility it is a bank holidayw eekend and then it's only 4 days?

Bluetrews25 · 17/02/2018 15:15

Devil's advocate here - how about the grandparent sorts care from a professional agency? They can help with washing, dressing, food prep, taking meds. Hospital teams should be able to help with organising this. Are you absolutely sure they will need someone present 24 hours a day? I have met many people who think that this is the case, when really there is no need. Will they not be able to get their own food and drinks? A few online shops could be a great help. (Should they be discharged if they are totally helpless? Were they not independent before surgery? If not, who was helping them then?) Actually, OP,can you go to their aid if you have to pull a child out of school? It's commendable that you want to pitch in and help out, but is it practical?

JunkRevolution · 17/02/2018 15:17

I would call them in sick, OP. Stomach bug Mon-Wed would mean they'd have to be off til the next Mon to comply with the 48hr rule.

diddl · 17/02/2018 15:18

So you want to give post operative care & your kids will have to go with you?

I'm not sure if that's exceptional as it's a choice that you have made?

JunkRevolution · 17/02/2018 15:19

Ignore Bluetrews daft suggestions and intrusive questions.

Dermymc · 17/02/2018 15:19

Don't ask for work. That is so annoying as a teacher, oh my dc won't be in school but provide them with work... Erm no!

If it were me I'd ring in sick for them.

Sirzy · 17/02/2018 15:20

I think bluetrews does make a valid point really, certainly one worth considering. Also what if recovery takes longer than expected?