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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Exceptional circumstances???

52 replies

Icecreamanddaisies · 17/02/2018 14:29

Aibu to expect the head to grant my dc leave to assist a parent recovering from a major operation that lives far away. I will have to move in for a week and take dc with me. Will this be considered exceptional circumstances

OP posts:
Maidupmum · 17/02/2018 15:21

notevil I wouldn't ask for work- the teachers have enough to do without providing additional resources for the OP. A better alternative would be to ask what they're studying and the OP finding their own work around that.
As s headteacher, I would not be able to authorise this because it isn't illness of the child so cannot be authorised. Your children aren't 'caring' they are being removed from school so that you can care for your parent. Can your parent not come and stay with you?
Having said all of that, I wouldn't fine you either unless you took more time off this academic year.

jazzbarfunk · 17/02/2018 15:22

Can your parent not come to you and be nursed? That way the children can still attend?

DeathStare · 17/02/2018 15:22

Their father is not able to step in

Because he's absent? Or because he would be busy?

If it's the former then maybe the Head will allow it.

If it's the latter I suspect the Head's response will be that their father needs to step up and prioritise their education

Solo · 17/02/2018 15:23

Junkrevolution said it best.

Aquathest · 17/02/2018 15:24

I agree with PPs who query your parent coming to stay at your house, while they recover. Is there any reason why that is not possible?

Pengggwn · 17/02/2018 15:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Branleuse · 17/02/2018 15:29

Just take them anyway. Youre unlikely to get fined for this even if they dont authorise it

Bettybettybettybetty · 17/02/2018 15:31

I’d phone in sick for them although are they likely to Say where they’ve really been? I guess they could be ill at your parebts?

Bluetrews25 · 17/02/2018 15:32

Yeah, I know nothing. I just work on a surgical ward......

Paleblue · 17/02/2018 15:38

This must be a stressful situation for you. I think if it is only for one week it would be ok to phone the school to say the DC are sick.

Pengggwn · 17/02/2018 15:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BeyondThePage · 17/02/2018 15:40

what will you do if the week becomes 2 or a month? It is a stressful situation to be in, but is there any back up at all?

chubbymummy · 17/02/2018 15:43

If you can send the children in for part of the Monday morning then they will get their marks for that session and you can't be fined. (Fines can only be given for missing 10 sessions or more - half a day is one session).
You may find the head is okay about it given the circumstances though. Good luck!

SimonBridges · 17/02/2018 15:43

I’m with Blew.
How far away are they? Is there someone who can get them up while you go there for the day time and then come back. What about your work?
Also it’s going to be very very dull for the DC. They are going to be very bored. Could someone else come to yours to look after them perhaps.

WeAllHaveWings · 17/02/2018 15:45

Is your parent alone/elderly? Can they get help from other services? It is worth investigating, as your parent(s) ages this gets harder and more frequent so its good to know what help there is out there so you are prepared when you need it.

My mum is in very poor health, and even though I would love to take time off to help her, if I did every time she needed support I wouldn't have a job (or a home!). When she needs support after procedures she has carers coming in to help with dressing, washing (which she pays for), a health visitor to replace dressings, etc and she isn't discharged until the appropriate care is in place so she is safe.

If you want to be there and are ok taking the dc out of school I wouldn't worry if it was unauthorised or not, but you might need to pay the fine.

The other option is they come to yours and the dc can still go to school/have their own things around to keep them entertained?

Piffle11 · 17/02/2018 15:47

I don't think @Bluetrews25 is being daft or insensitive ... it's great that you want to care for your parent, OP, but are you going to be able to do this if their care runs into a second week? My late DGrandfather expected my DF to do everything for him, and realistically he could have got by with a little help from social services. It was simply that he wanted my DF to do it rather than an unknown stranger - perfectly normal, except that my DF had a job and 2 kids to consider.

Qvar · 17/02/2018 15:48

ring them in sick.

I don't condone lying but the government zero tolerence crap have parents backed into a corner

ilovesooty · 17/02/2018 15:48

I fail to see what's wrong with bluetrews, post.

diddl · 17/02/2018 16:06

I must be an awful person as it wouldn't occur to me to take my kids out of school for a week to do this & neither of my parents would want it.

cantkeepawayforever · 17/02/2018 16:08

The school are far more likely to be sympathetic if you are honest with them and consult them.

Remember that 'unauthorised' does not mean 'disapproved of', just means 'doesn't meet the guidelines for authorisation'.

Speak to the school and explain your dilemma. They will, quite reasonably, want to know:

  • Why you have to go there, rather than your relative staying with you
  • The role of the children's father (as a PP has said, if he 'has to be at work', the school will take a dim view, whereas if you have been separated for years and has not been involved in his children's lives, that will be different)
  • Whether the absence could be prolonged, or repeated

Even if the school does not authorise the absence, they may well be sympathetic if it is obvious that no-one else can do the caring, no-one else can have your children and this is a genuine 5 day one-off.

However, it would be sensible to start thinking long-term about your relative's care - what will happen after you leave?

(As a teacher, I was allowed a couple of days' leave in term time to take care of an elderly relative after a fall, because it was clear that I was going to use that time to set up something more robust and lasting than me travelling 250 miles to do emergency caring. I would not have been allowed indefinite or longer leave simply to provide short-term care without any longer term plans)

NerrSnerr · 17/02/2018 16:17

I agree with diddl, I wouldn't do this either. I live 5 hours away from my parents and they understand that I can't go up at any time. They're ex teachers though and wouldn't be happy for our children to miss school!

NerrSnerr · 17/02/2018 16:17

I also wouldn't lie because that means you're encouraging your children to lie to their teachers and friends.

YellowMakesMeSmile · 17/02/2018 16:20

I don't think it would count as exceptional circumstances, it's a choice you are making. I'd not be so selfish to expect my grandchildren to miss their education so that their mother could look after me.

Pengggwn · 17/02/2018 17:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MincemeatTart · 17/02/2018 17:34

Bluetrews is right. If your parent ‘needs’ care after discharge it will be arranged by hospital as part of the discharge plan. This may be someone coming to help them shower and dress for a couple of weeks. If they need nursing care then community nurses will visit. If they need rehabilitation they may be moved to a step down facility such as a community hospital or nursing home with commissioned beds.
They probably don’t need someone there 24 hours a day - and shouldn’t be sent home without support, if this is the case.
No you shouldn’t be removing children from school for this.
If they just want pampering then get them to come to you.