Blatant bragging

[BecauseIsaidso321]

My parents brag about their lives to me constantly and I don’t know why. They’re both retired and relatively well off, and spend a lot of their money on holidays and cars. They recently finished paying their (substantial) mortgage and have told me about it over and over again, almost as if they are trying to make me jealous as myself and DP have only (in our early 30’s) just been approved for a mortgage so still have 25 years worth of payments to make. It’s really irritating, as I don’t know how to respond to this blatant gloating. It’s not really behaviour you would expect from your parents.

What I can’t understand is why they would want to show off about their wealth to their only daughter. Things are tight for me and DP financially now so we have to go without a lot of luxuries, so why would my parents want to make me feel bad about what they can afford and I can’t? I have a DS and I can’t imagine showing off about my life to him when he’s just started his own mortgage. To me that just seems cruel and unnecessary.

I know I’m not being paranoid or overly sensitive as DP has commented on it too, and he is generally quite unobservant about these things. It’s getting to the point where they are unbearable to be around. WIBU to reduce contact with them for this reason? I have tried having a word with my mum but she told me I was being “too sensitive”.

Is it possible they have nothing else to talk about? If their minds are focused on wealth and acquisition, they might not value anything else.
They dont seem to value you, your life or how you feel.

My ILs are like that. Go on and on about their purchases and the enormous house they've bought. My parents, who are very wealthy, are the opposite and would consider it very poor taste to show off in such a way. I think it's partly because the ILs aren't great conversationalists and tend to cover the same topics. My folks have lots of friends and interests and so don't rely on the conversational trope of 'look how rich we are'.

What socially inept weirdos. My ils cam be abit odd but would never do this. Time to scale back those visits and leave them to their new cars and cruises - minus grandchildren.

Stilton - but I don’t want their money? I am struggling financially but we’ll manage, and that is not the issue here. I’m tired of hearing about their wealth, and am considering going LC because of it. If they were friends who bragged this much, I would’ve cut them out of my life a long time ago. I’ve got no time for people who’s only conversation is money and how much of it they have.

My dad does this. Money was tight when we were young he worked incredibly hard and is delighted/proud/surprised he and my mum are now very comfortable.

They are also generous with gifts and buy lunch now and again.

We are at a different stage, big mortgage, childcare costs, less holidays (rarely abroad) but i know it will get easier and we are pleased with what we have too.

My parents do this a bit but I don't think they're bragging. They were born in the early 40's, had frugal and early lives and simply can't believe how well off they are now that they've retired. My dad's pensions combined (forces, private, state, war) total more than he's ever earned at a time when the mortgage is paid, no car loan and no kids to support. For the first time in his life he feels rich and he simply can't believe how lucky he is.

I would change the subject each time or say in a very bored voice "That's nice" and then change the subject.
Parents can be quite boring, I think.
You could always say something like "Yes, we've got the gist Mum, you don't need to keep reminding us. Now what do you think about..."

Have you explained to them that talking about money (directly or by implication) is very crass? While I would be happy to know that my parents were comfortable and well off I don't think I could tolerate that kind of talk regularly-my cheeks are flushing wig embarrassment just reading this. One must be generous though-maybe their minds have started to wander in their old age?

I think a bit of sarcasm is called for: “Oh, are you rich? You never said!” Don’t go NC or LC - they might cut you out of the will!

Some people are odd. I was at a funeral recently and an older relative who used to work in the same sector as me kept banging on and on to me about his final salary pension and how I had to keep working to pay for it (I work in HE, our pension is being slashed). It was so socially inept and rude, I kept trying to change the subject, but he seemed to experience this huge glee that he had a final salary pension and I wouldn't get one. That is not a nice or kind way to behave surely? My point being, there is nothing wring with enjoying your good fortune but going on about it to other people makes you seem like an unpleasant human being.

Is it just them missing the point?
My parents are retired and seem to spend a significant amount of time taking a cheap flight here, there and everywhere.

I'm a teacher who bought a new house in thr last 6 months. They insist on telling me I should get myself away for a break in half term even though I'm openly saving for home improvements, DH is at work and I have house stuff and school work to do.

They also go on at me to have more me time and relaxation time and go out for meals etc. DH and i both do hobbies but we aren't into spa days, booking in to a hotel for a night just because, meals out etc. Apparently having active hobbies doesn't count as leisure time. What i need in my life is to go for brunch (which wastes half a day on the weekend) or get a voucher for a spa session (worsr nightmare).

I don't think there's any malice in it at all, they just seem to think that a spending, city breaks, leisurely lifestyle is the done thing and need reminding that not everyone wants that and not everyone could afford that.

The whole issue is difficult when there is a disparity in wealth.
My son is an adult. I never had anything but my DH and I started to get some money together over the course of my sons life.
It’s weird for him seeing us take his siblings on expensive holidays and I have talked to him about them because, for me, it’s extraordinary that we can visit these places.
I’d never brag to him about possessions and we always invite him whilst being aware that he can’t take time out while trying to start his career. He got quite pissy with me at one point because I kept talking down things because I felt awkward - he rightly felt patronised and I stopped it. He also knows that we are happy to help him financially but he wants to be independent.

I think there’s a mindset, an attitude where either both of you are trying to be happy for and kind to the other or there isn’t.
If your relationship is so poor that either they are so insensitive that they don’t care if you are upset or you resent things that are intended innocently then there will always be problems
It’s difficult . It takes mutual love and respect to stop it being a problem

Caprinihahahaha
I think you're right on the relationship front.

Youngest sibling is very much used to 'we'll just go for lunch/brunch/cheap deals for a week in spain just because' ans 'look at these shoes. They're so cute'.

I don't think my parents are being awful when they tell me DH and i should go for more meals out, get away etc. It's just they've forgotten that they were in our position once.
Youngest sibling is very much in the lifestyle of leisure way in some respects but equally, they end up expecting help for all sorts of things usually because of their own mismanagement of funds.

I know if I needed help then i could ask for it but like your son, I want to be independent so only graciously accept when it's needed or would make a massive difference (e.g. they paid our legal fees for moving house so we could put a bit more into our deposit and get a nicer house).

I get a bit irritated when the answer to 'i have 100 assessments to mark' is 'get yourself to center parcs' but there's no nastiness in it.

My parents do sort of the opposite. I’m just about surviving in London on a 20k salary while they’re absolutely loaded and jetting off on exotic holidays every couple of months. Whenever the subject of my finances comes up, though, they’ll always say ‘oh yes, it’s the same for us, we’ve really had to tighten our belts recently’ and the like

I really don’t begrudge them what they have and I’m glad they’re having a lovely retirement, but wish they would stop pretending for a moment that they’re remotely skint!

I can't understand comparing your finances negatively with those of people a generation older. Of course they'll have paid off more or all of their mortgage - that's kind of the point of mortgages, where the money is borrowed over 25 years or so.
Most of my parents generation in my family have now paid off mortgages, and they've mostly mentioned it. Someone even had a "my house belongs to me, not my bank!" party, and I wasn't aware of anyone unable to pay theirs off feeling upset - I certainly didn't.

My mother often tells me how much money she's got saved, and what she's thinking of spending it on. I'm so pleased for her as realise she can't quite believe it as most of her life has been a struggle to make ends meet.
I certainly don't resent her talking about it. She brought up a large family with little support, never had any money and worked whenever she could to get enough for the basics.

The thing is if that's their reality all they are probably doing is sharing it with you.

I have money and no mortgage, cars holidays, designer clothes etc and I talk about the latest thing I've bought or where I'm going because that's my life.

I know why they do this.

They are cunts, that's why.

And anyone who claims that there is nothing else that they can talk about is a cunt too. And brain dead.

I think I would try and see it as them being at a different time in their lives and and they are pleased and relieved to have paid off their mortgage and going on holidays.
Maybe something is lacking and all is not happy or as perfect as they tell it hence the bragging.
If I was in their shoes I would try and use a little of my wealth to help my DC if I knew or thought they were struggling a little or only just managing and werent being too frivolous. Many younger people appear to have much more in their homes and have much smarter looking homes than their parents ever did so perhaps they don’t realise your circumstances op? Just a thought I wouldn’t stop seeing them but maybe say look I am really pleased for you but not everyone is as fortunate as you at this moment in time.

They are proof that money can't buy class. Perhaps you could drop that into conversation at some point.

I think a lot of people are missing the point here. Of course I am pleased that they are comfortable and I would never wish that they were in a worse position because I am apparently “jealous”. Nor am I comparing my finances with theirs. I don’t like anyone bragging about finances and wouldn’t tolerate it from friends/acquaintances, and it feels much worse to be coming from my parents. This isn’t me wishing that I was as wealthy as them. This is me wishing that I could have a nice conversation with them without the boasting.

Could it be their way of letting you know that they want to help you out but you need to ask? They might not want to offer but they are letting you know, in a clumsy way, that they can help you out financially if you need it?

I guess they are glowing in the satisfaction of how they have done in their lives - its a kind of relief, kind of reward/pat on the back to themselves for their working lives and life choices. They probably have limited people they can brag to, so they do it to you. If the relationship is otherwise good, I think i would indulge in some gentle teasing and every time they do it say ‘good for you, can I have some?’ and roll my eyes.