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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Venting really

49 replies

HarmlessChap · 16/02/2018 23:28

DW has had 4 days off this week; although our DCs are 15 & 17 she likes to take time at half term when she can and has a lot more holiday than me as I'm self employed.

Tomorrow, Saturday, she's off to London with one of the DC's leaving at 6am (before I get up) and back about 8:30 pm. I know from past experience she'll get in eat and then be off to bed knackered. I'm working until 4:30 pm and have a very busy day ahead.

Sunday I have a sporting event starting at 9:00am, back by about 3:00pm and I'll be pretty tired after. I'll then be doing a roast for the family for 6pm and iron my clothes which DW will have washed that day, then take to dog out for a half hour walk and head off to bed reasonably early myself.

This evening I arrived home before 6 and she's just starting to complete a job application online, she told me about it last weekend but hasn't gotten around to it until tonight. She was on it until she went to bed at 10:30pm, with a break for food. While eating she asked if I was ok as I was pretty pissed off and I said I''d been looking forward to spending the evening together given that its a busy weekend and we won't get to see each other much. She has had plenty of time to tackle this application this week or could even do it on Sunday.

AIBU to be pissed off?

Rather than another disappointment tomorrow night, I think I'll head into town with my gay friend, have a few drinks and end up in one of his favourite bars; at least fending off the advances from the guys there would be a bit of an ego boost.

OP posts:
MyKingdomForBrie · 16/02/2018 23:31

YABU. She’s your wife, you live together, you’ll see her many more times. She procrastinated on the job app - fairly normal behaviour.

MyKingdomForBrie · 16/02/2018 23:31

Oh and sulking is so unattractive.

JeReviens · 16/02/2018 23:33

Yup - you sound like hard work. Can you not get through an evening without mooning all over your wife? That kind of needy clinginess is a real turn off.

condepetie · 16/02/2018 23:34

Reverse?

MrsWoolly · 16/02/2018 23:35

Yabu, and why do you need an ego boost?

It's not your wife's fault she gets more holiday, she can do as she pleases.

dantdmistedious · 16/02/2018 23:35

Reverse.

condepetie · 16/02/2018 23:35

You're both busy. Either way, suck it up. You can't always have the weekend together.

phoenixtherabbit · 16/02/2018 23:36

If you are so desperate to spend time together then cancel your sporting event.

It's 1 weekend out of your whole life. Get over it.

HateTheDF · 16/02/2018 23:37

Why don't you cancel your sporting event like a previous PP said? You could spend more time together then. I'm guessing this application is more important than your sporting event.

SeniorRita · 16/02/2018 23:38

If you wanted to do something specific you should have told her in advance, she's not a mind reader. And way to go on being supportive over the job app. High five for you.

TallulahWaitingInTheRain · 16/02/2018 23:41

Sorry, what are you pissed off about? Your DW is juggling kids, housework and job application and you're throwing a tantrum because she's not prioritising your sense of entitlement to her time?

YABU

PlateOfBiscuits · 16/02/2018 23:42

at least fending off the advances from the guys there would be a bit of an ego boost.

^ this says it all really.

Avasarala · 16/02/2018 23:42

If the had been a woman posting about her husband doing something like that, everyone would be jumping in saying how he was neglecting and disrespecting her, and how he should have been available to her that evening etc etc.

She should have done that application during her time and spent some quality time with you before you both go to do your stuff this weekend. I hope this isn't a regular thing and she usually puts more effort into the relationship.

Somerville · 16/02/2018 23:43

Ugh.

TallulahWaitingInTheRain · 16/02/2018 23:44

If the had been a woman posting about her husband doing something like that, everyone would be jumping in saying how he was neglecting and disrespecting her

No, they'd have said he sounded like a brilliant dad and a good provider and he was doing her laundry to boot, and she should wind her neck in.

MyRelationshipIsWeird · 16/02/2018 23:46

Nobody would be saying that a man filling in a job application was neglecting his wife Avasarala! What a ridiculous thing to say.

Harmless, it sounds like you're both busy so maybe stop spending your energy trying to get gay men to boost your ego and arrange a night out with your DW next week, giving her a bit of notice. She's not a mind reader and had no idea that you were expecting to spend the evening with her, I'm sure if she had, she'd have filled in her application earlier.

HateTheDF · 16/02/2018 23:46

She should have done that application during her time and spent some quality time with you before you both go to do your stuff this weekend. I hope this isn't a regular thing and she usually puts more effort into the relationship.

But she is doing it in her time? Her evenings are her time after she's done the housework, kids etc

HateTheDF · 16/02/2018 23:46

Bold fail, sorry

Original poster
HarmlessChap · 16/02/2018 23:50

Oh and sulking is so unattractive. well it matches the rest of me then.

I never said it was her fault that she has more holiday, its simply that she spent time the time knitting and catching up on box sets and chose to spend the only time could have been cuddled up on the sofa watching a film to fill in this job application.

We both have week day evening commitments so time is precious. We both do the housework, its a pretty even split. Other than the washing, she's protective of the washing machine (I don't know why) and it gets stroppy when I use it.

OP posts:
Avasarala · 16/02/2018 23:50

I can find a hundred threads where the posters say that men shouldn't be gaming in the evenings because that's not "his time" it's "family time he should be spending with the wife". Or that he "shouldn't be taking work calls during the evening" because again, that's time he shoukd sound with the wife.

This site is full of women with double standards. She had 4 days off - kids are on their way to be forbe ups and wouldn't have needed her constant attention. They split the housework so he wasn't expecting her to have all that done. She had plenty time to herself to fill out a job application - which is actually a pretty important thing so she should have kept putting it off. Instead, she spends the night ignoring her husband to do it despite their time this week being limited. Again, I can find a whole load of threads about men doing something similar and the responses paint him as the anti-Christ.

Original poster
HarmlessChap · 16/02/2018 23:51

Oh and the gay men comment was tounge in cheek (not literally ;))

OP posts:
TallulahWaitingInTheRain · 16/02/2018 23:52

Maybe you should ask yourself why she doesn't specially feel like spending her free time with you?

Avasarala · 16/02/2018 23:52

*shouldn't have kept putting it off

Saltandsauce · 16/02/2018 23:53

This cannot be for real, if it is, YABVVVU!!
She’s an adult, she can do whatever the fuck she likes in the evening, you can’t dictate to her when she should and shouldn’t be spending her time doing. Get a bloody grip

Somerville · 16/02/2018 23:54

Why are you spending Sunday at a sporting event if weekend time together is so precious? Confused